BREAKING NEWS: Just when we thought Pseudo Jed had finally figured out what Power Rankings were, he appears to have eaten both Galkuris and tpaterniti's entries this week.
In other related news, a warm Power Rankings Committee welcome (complete with reach-around from jrry) to our newest member, purehatred. Now, before you get all giddy, purehatred has only been accepted as a Junior Committee member, due to his insistence on ranking BSB all the way down at #5. This lowly ranking has me considering him to be only slightly less knowledgeable than Pseudo Jed, and thus the Junior member standing.
BREAKING NEWS: Pseudo Jed: "Grrr! This corn taste like pine tree I had for dinner last night. Grrrr!"
Anyway, on to the Power Rankings...
1 Kalamazoo Coyotes 5-0-0
Everyone says the same old crap.. "undefeated"... "defending champs" ... "Ronin is sexy as hell" (this last comment was jrry34 I believe) ... yadda yadda yadda...
2 Philadelphia Pushovers 5-0-0
jrry34 says, "The Pushovers are on a roll and beat a very talented Nighthawk team. They unleashed their newest secret weapon...the corn formation. Pseudo Jed was the mastermind!"
I can't help but agree that based on what little I know of the guys on this team, a growling Neanderthal that can't distinguish between corn and football team rankings would certainly be the mastermind of the squad!
purehatred admits that the only reason he ranked them so high is "East Coast bias tbqfh."
Pseudo Jed adds "Ranking all West teams tie for 33 fixes stupid Week 4 Corn Rankings! Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!"
3 Bourbon Street Bullies 5-0-0
purehatred says "The Bullies have lived up to their name. Their list of opponents looks like a “who’s who?” of ‘Most Disappointing Teams in USA Pro'."
BREAKING NEWS: I can't figure out if he is complimenting us or insulting us. Apparently the order of intelligence on this committee goes TSE2000 (although reportedly terminated), Pseudo Jed, purehatred, me, then jrry90210. Yikes!
4 Detroit Demon Lions 5-0-0
jrry34 says, "The Demon Lions cruise to an easy win. They have been impressive thus far! Although that success must be questioned since they are one of the only top teams that have "boosted" thus far. When asked if boosting has helped them, TSE responded, "Boosted? Who told you we boosted? We have boosted but this statement of us boosting is blasphemy!!!!"
purehatred says, "Unbeaten, with dominating victories over everyone on their schedule, including three teams that were playoff teams last year. Also. Can we get a vote: which feud is/was more entertaining…TSE vs HoggLife, or TSE vs. flames54?"
BREAKING NEWS: Pseudo flames54 answers purehatred's inquiry: "The feud vs Hogglife included such gems as a Flex Point bet while the feud vs. us is basically just the DDL crew talking trash to me and my 4 aliases. But since my team is actually average, whereas Hogglife's sucks, our feud is slightly more relevant. Oh and nanny nanny boo boo, TSE2000!"
5 San Antonio Saints 5-0-0
jrry34 says, "The Saints won a shootout against the Intimidators. I guess they had the bigger gun in this battle."
BREAKING NEWS: *crickets* Florida fans are neither funny nor original.
6 Minnesota Marauders 5-0-0
purehatred commented about Minnesota playing essentially the same schedule as Bourbon Street. This seemed confusing to him.
Given that even Pseudo Jed has figured out conference scheduling, I am seriously second-guessing the decision to add him as a Junior member of this esteemed committee.
7 Detroit Dump Trucks 4-1-0
jrry34 FINALLY gets me to chuckle when he says, "The Dump Trucks played a very good game against the Kailua Daggers. I think we have finally got our answer to the question of who would win in a fight...a knife or a dump truck!"
NOTE: I didn't chuckle due to him actually saying anything funny. Nope, I just found it telling that a guy from Florida would spend his day contemplating dump trucks - given that the entire state of Florida is like the state of Georgia's landfill.
purehatred added, "Could argue they should be higher, except they’re the one team Saginaw has beaten this year."
BREAKING NEWS: Saginaw is being gutted. While this is not necessarily news to anyone, the real news is that apparently Pseudo Jed has interest in taking over ownership of the team. Given that he is seemingly the brightest member of this committee, and also its best GLB tactician, he has our full endorsement.
When asked about taking ownership of the team, Pseudo Jed responded, "Grrr! What mean ownership? And can I move team from USA Pro West to Africa BBB? Pseudo Jed want real competition. Grrrr!"
8 Chicago Mustangs 3-2-0
purehatred says, "We’ve heard it before: Tim Harper doesn’t care abut the regular season, etc. But a complete loss to a Bullets team that just got shellacked by DDL had to be a little unexpected."
jrry34 wets his pants with excitement as he FINALLY gets a comment about the Mustangs into the power rankings. Then he loses us all by saying, "the Mustangs faltered big time against the Bullets. They got beat badly. I guess this is what happens when Harper is in timeout and can't leave the basement to go on his playdate with SamantaBolster to go over strategy! Hopefully for the Stangs, Harper's timeout is near over!
"
BREAKING NEWS: Pseudo Jed has returned from looking up ownership in the dictionary. Although he is sad to report that ownership is not a kind of corn, he is does provide us a nice spoiler... apparently he overheard two DDL GMs, Pseudo General Makavelli and Pseudo Doc discussing rumors of a 2,000 pound logic machine being sighted just outside of Saginaw Michigan. No word yet on if this really is the legendary TSE2000 and if so, what it is doing in Saginaw...
9 Las Vegas Freebirds 4-1-0
purehatred says, "Much better than people are giving them credit for. Probably a year away from being a real contender in the West."
In response, I wonder what on Earth would qualify someone as contending if these guys are "a year away". Then I attempt to fire purehatred! However, he has threatened to sue the Committee for wrongful termination, on account of him being fired but a Neanderthal, a cyborg, and a Florida fan still having jobs. I immediately burn his termination papers and promote him to Committee member in full standing. Hey, I spent all my money on Flex Points, I can't afford a lawsuit dammit!
10 Washington Bullets 4-1-0
jrry 34 says, "They delivered a whole box of ass whoopin on the Mustangs! These guys really were impressive and Monkeyskin is a really good guy!" Sadly, this is NOT the gayest sounding thing jrry has contributed to this week's rankings.
11 Boston Nighthawks 4-1-0
jrry 34 says, "The Nighthawks played very well against a strong Pushover team but were just unable to find a way to stop the Corn Formation!"
Pseudo Jed replies, "jrry, you moron, corn has nothing to do with football. Jeez, what an idiot!... "oh, and Grrr!"
12 Galaxy Aces 3-2-0
purehatred says, "if they are as good as they claim to be, they should be on a 4 game win streak when they face LV."
BREAKING NEWS: The cyborg spotted in Saginaw was NOT the TSE2000. Instead, it was the prototype flames5400. This "hot-off-the-assembly line" model is purported to simulate actual human feelings and emotions, and is the only cyborg in existence with an ego the size of Mount Everest. Hopefully we can get its take on the Power Rankings in the coming weeks...
13 Detroit Nasty 3-2-0
purehatred says, "Slippage? The Nasty are clearly the “other Detroit team” in the East."
14 Dayton Brute Squad 3-2-0
15 Golden State Athletics 2-3-0
CTap says, "time is running out for them to turn it on. They still have 5 potential losses on their schedule."
16 Gridiron Rage 3-2-0
17 Kailua Daggers 2-3-0
purehatred, showing that he has the plagiarism skills necessary to be a valued member of this committee, says "Updated quote ”3 down, 3 more to go... 6 losses in a row, you heard it here first." and "Season 4’s Dark Lotus Juggernauts."
18 San Jose Spartans 2-3-0
CTap says, "Look out everyone, here comes San Jose."
19 D.C. Warpath 2-3-0
CTap says, "Now that the son has arrived, Hogglife is somewhat active again. Somebody hurry up and knock up his wife again please."
20 Columbus Bucks 2-3-0
21 Washington Extreme 1-4-0
BREAKING NEWS: Boosting helped them finally win a game. Time for a new "best running joke in GLB." Submissions can be sent to http://goallineblitz.com/game/new_message.pl?to=2027.
22 Kansas Warriors 1-4-0
23 Sacramento SaberCats 2-3-0
jrry34, in full brown-nose mode, says "Auris has made a few signing in the last couple of days and is working hard to improve these guys. Maybe he can turn the guys around! IDK if Auris has found that DC he needed yet although I don't get why he doesn't have his lazy brother do it? Yes I am talking to you Alex!"
BREAKING NEWS: In response to jrry34 kissing up to Auris and not himself, flames5400 has apparently followed TSE2000 to his virtual death. More information to follow as it becomes available...
24 Kentucky Wildcats 1-4-0
25 Saginaw Supernovas 1-4-0
Pseudo Jed says "After I ownership team and move it to Africa BBB, Saginaw finally face real competition."
26 Oakland Intimidators 1-4-0
27 Rhode Island Red Wolves 1-4-0
28 Denver Globetrotters 0-5-0
29 Tecmo SuperBowlers 0-5-0
jrry34 says, "Sorry to see you guys go out like this.
"
I wonder if there is anyone in GLB who jrry34 DOESN'T seem to know. Secondly, does anyone in GLB actually like him? Or is he the new bolstersam?
30 Camden Outkasts 0-5-0
31 Miami Bulldogs 1-4-0
32 Sparta Wardogs 0-5-0
In other related news, a warm Power Rankings Committee welcome (complete with reach-around from jrry) to our newest member, purehatred. Now, before you get all giddy, purehatred has only been accepted as a Junior Committee member, due to his insistence on ranking BSB all the way down at #5. This lowly ranking has me considering him to be only slightly less knowledgeable than Pseudo Jed, and thus the Junior member standing.
BREAKING NEWS: Pseudo Jed: "Grrr! This corn taste like pine tree I had for dinner last night. Grrrr!"
Anyway, on to the Power Rankings...
1 Kalamazoo Coyotes 5-0-0
Everyone says the same old crap.. "undefeated"... "defending champs" ... "Ronin is sexy as hell" (this last comment was jrry34 I believe) ... yadda yadda yadda...
2 Philadelphia Pushovers 5-0-0
jrry34 says, "The Pushovers are on a roll and beat a very talented Nighthawk team. They unleashed their newest secret weapon...the corn formation. Pseudo Jed was the mastermind!"
I can't help but agree that based on what little I know of the guys on this team, a growling Neanderthal that can't distinguish between corn and football team rankings would certainly be the mastermind of the squad!
purehatred admits that the only reason he ranked them so high is "East Coast bias tbqfh."
Pseudo Jed adds "Ranking all West teams tie for 33 fixes stupid Week 4 Corn Rankings! Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!"
3 Bourbon Street Bullies 5-0-0
purehatred says "The Bullies have lived up to their name. Their list of opponents looks like a “who’s who?” of ‘Most Disappointing Teams in USA Pro'."
BREAKING NEWS: I can't figure out if he is complimenting us or insulting us. Apparently the order of intelligence on this committee goes TSE2000 (although reportedly terminated), Pseudo Jed, purehatred, me, then jrry90210. Yikes!
4 Detroit Demon Lions 5-0-0
jrry34 says, "The Demon Lions cruise to an easy win. They have been impressive thus far! Although that success must be questioned since they are one of the only top teams that have "boosted" thus far. When asked if boosting has helped them, TSE responded, "Boosted? Who told you we boosted? We have boosted but this statement of us boosting is blasphemy!!!!"
purehatred says, "Unbeaten, with dominating victories over everyone on their schedule, including three teams that were playoff teams last year. Also. Can we get a vote: which feud is/was more entertaining…TSE vs HoggLife, or TSE vs. flames54?"
BREAKING NEWS: Pseudo flames54 answers purehatred's inquiry: "The feud vs Hogglife included such gems as a Flex Point bet while the feud vs. us is basically just the DDL crew talking trash to me and my 4 aliases. But since my team is actually average, whereas Hogglife's sucks, our feud is slightly more relevant. Oh and nanny nanny boo boo, TSE2000!"
5 San Antonio Saints 5-0-0
jrry34 says, "The Saints won a shootout against the Intimidators. I guess they had the bigger gun in this battle."
BREAKING NEWS: *crickets* Florida fans are neither funny nor original.
6 Minnesota Marauders 5-0-0
purehatred commented about Minnesota playing essentially the same schedule as Bourbon Street. This seemed confusing to him.
Given that even Pseudo Jed has figured out conference scheduling, I am seriously second-guessing the decision to add him as a Junior member of this esteemed committee.
7 Detroit Dump Trucks 4-1-0
jrry34 FINALLY gets me to chuckle when he says, "The Dump Trucks played a very good game against the Kailua Daggers. I think we have finally got our answer to the question of who would win in a fight...a knife or a dump truck!"
NOTE: I didn't chuckle due to him actually saying anything funny. Nope, I just found it telling that a guy from Florida would spend his day contemplating dump trucks - given that the entire state of Florida is like the state of Georgia's landfill.
purehatred added, "Could argue they should be higher, except they’re the one team Saginaw has beaten this year."
BREAKING NEWS: Saginaw is being gutted. While this is not necessarily news to anyone, the real news is that apparently Pseudo Jed has interest in taking over ownership of the team. Given that he is seemingly the brightest member of this committee, and also its best GLB tactician, he has our full endorsement.
When asked about taking ownership of the team, Pseudo Jed responded, "Grrr! What mean ownership? And can I move team from USA Pro West to Africa BBB? Pseudo Jed want real competition. Grrrr!"
8 Chicago Mustangs 3-2-0
purehatred says, "We’ve heard it before: Tim Harper doesn’t care abut the regular season, etc. But a complete loss to a Bullets team that just got shellacked by DDL had to be a little unexpected."
jrry34 wets his pants with excitement as he FINALLY gets a comment about the Mustangs into the power rankings. Then he loses us all by saying, "the Mustangs faltered big time against the Bullets. They got beat badly. I guess this is what happens when Harper is in timeout and can't leave the basement to go on his playdate with SamantaBolster to go over strategy! Hopefully for the Stangs, Harper's timeout is near over!
"BREAKING NEWS: Pseudo Jed has returned from looking up ownership in the dictionary. Although he is sad to report that ownership is not a kind of corn, he is does provide us a nice spoiler... apparently he overheard two DDL GMs, Pseudo General Makavelli and Pseudo Doc discussing rumors of a 2,000 pound logic machine being sighted just outside of Saginaw Michigan. No word yet on if this really is the legendary TSE2000 and if so, what it is doing in Saginaw...
9 Las Vegas Freebirds 4-1-0
purehatred says, "Much better than people are giving them credit for. Probably a year away from being a real contender in the West."
In response, I wonder what on Earth would qualify someone as contending if these guys are "a year away". Then I attempt to fire purehatred! However, he has threatened to sue the Committee for wrongful termination, on account of him being fired but a Neanderthal, a cyborg, and a Florida fan still having jobs. I immediately burn his termination papers and promote him to Committee member in full standing. Hey, I spent all my money on Flex Points, I can't afford a lawsuit dammit!
10 Washington Bullets 4-1-0
jrry 34 says, "They delivered a whole box of ass whoopin on the Mustangs! These guys really were impressive and Monkeyskin is a really good guy!" Sadly, this is NOT the gayest sounding thing jrry has contributed to this week's rankings.
11 Boston Nighthawks 4-1-0
jrry 34 says, "The Nighthawks played very well against a strong Pushover team but were just unable to find a way to stop the Corn Formation!"
Pseudo Jed replies, "jrry, you moron, corn has nothing to do with football. Jeez, what an idiot!... "oh, and Grrr!"
12 Galaxy Aces 3-2-0
purehatred says, "if they are as good as they claim to be, they should be on a 4 game win streak when they face LV."
BREAKING NEWS: The cyborg spotted in Saginaw was NOT the TSE2000. Instead, it was the prototype flames5400. This "hot-off-the-assembly line" model is purported to simulate actual human feelings and emotions, and is the only cyborg in existence with an ego the size of Mount Everest. Hopefully we can get its take on the Power Rankings in the coming weeks...
13 Detroit Nasty 3-2-0
purehatred says, "Slippage? The Nasty are clearly the “other Detroit team” in the East."
14 Dayton Brute Squad 3-2-0
15 Golden State Athletics 2-3-0
CTap says, "time is running out for them to turn it on. They still have 5 potential losses on their schedule."
16 Gridiron Rage 3-2-0
17 Kailua Daggers 2-3-0
purehatred, showing that he has the plagiarism skills necessary to be a valued member of this committee, says "Updated quote ”3 down, 3 more to go... 6 losses in a row, you heard it here first." and "Season 4’s Dark Lotus Juggernauts."
18 San Jose Spartans 2-3-0
CTap says, "Look out everyone, here comes San Jose."
19 D.C. Warpath 2-3-0
CTap says, "Now that the son has arrived, Hogglife is somewhat active again. Somebody hurry up and knock up his wife again please."
20 Columbus Bucks 2-3-0
21 Washington Extreme 1-4-0
BREAKING NEWS: Boosting helped them finally win a game. Time for a new "best running joke in GLB." Submissions can be sent to http://goallineblitz.com/game/new_message.pl?to=2027.
22 Kansas Warriors 1-4-0
23 Sacramento SaberCats 2-3-0
jrry34, in full brown-nose mode, says "Auris has made a few signing in the last couple of days and is working hard to improve these guys. Maybe he can turn the guys around! IDK if Auris has found that DC he needed yet although I don't get why he doesn't have his lazy brother do it? Yes I am talking to you Alex!"
BREAKING NEWS: In response to jrry34 kissing up to Auris and not himself, flames5400 has apparently followed TSE2000 to his virtual death. More information to follow as it becomes available...
24 Kentucky Wildcats 1-4-0
25 Saginaw Supernovas 1-4-0
Pseudo Jed says "After I ownership team and move it to Africa BBB, Saginaw finally face real competition."
26 Oakland Intimidators 1-4-0
27 Rhode Island Red Wolves 1-4-0
28 Denver Globetrotters 0-5-0
29 Tecmo SuperBowlers 0-5-0
jrry34 says, "Sorry to see you guys go out like this.
"I wonder if there is anyone in GLB who jrry34 DOESN'T seem to know. Secondly, does anyone in GLB actually like him? Or is he the new bolstersam?
30 Camden Outkasts 0-5-0
31 Miami Bulldogs 1-4-0
32 Sparta Wardogs 0-5-0
Last edited Aug 12, 2008 12:00:19
