Schedule of Events for OffTopica's Season 20 "We're Not Recruiting Festival", to be held on Day 42 on WeSuck Avenue behind Miracle Stadium.
0800 Opening Ceremonies, including speeches of consolation and solidarity by Presidents of Detroit Lions and Chicago Cubs Fan Clubs.
0830 Receivers and Backs 40 Meter Dash: Season 20 Receivers and Backs of the Off Topic Miracles compete in 40 meter dash competition.
0900 Tour of the End Zone, Players 0900-0915, Fans 0915-0930
0930 Race Halftime. Self Tackled Players removed from race track for safety.
1000 Stadium Tour. Upper Levels will not be open due to number of leapers last season.
1030 Race Winners Expected to Arrive at finish line, Awards Ceremony Follows.
1100 Whine and Sour Grapes Luncheon
1200 Remote Control Throwing Contest.
1300 Open Tryouts, Scrimmage. Note: Fans urged to not tear down goal posts. Beating the OTM Squad is not that impressive, and the goal posts are expensive.
1400 Annual Mental Wellness Center's, "Have Your Head Examined Here" Booth opens, expect long lines, arrive early, wear comfortable shoes.
1500 Ceremonial Dragging into ze Street und Schotting of select members of the Season 20 Roster (see list below, excluding winner of 40 Meter Dash Competition)
1600 Can I Haz Your Stuff? Charity Auction, player locker rooms.
1700 Season 20 Championship T-Shirts and Hats Bonfire, Signature OTM Miracles Marshmallows provided gratis as always.
2000 Closing Ceremony, Reverend Nochance of Our Lady of Lost Causes delivers annual Better Luck Next Year sermon.
Season 20 Schotting Roster
Herbert "After You" Brooks C
J. A. "Really Short Yardage" Midgett HB
James "Sleep in The Hay" Loftus G
Robert "Hot Potato" Hunt (traded to OT Grace for Bag of Cleats but returning by popular demand)
Donald "Drop" Haviland WR
Holcomb "Lemon Law" Lammon FB
George L. "Out Foxed" Fox OT
Alexander "No" Goode OT
Clark "Door Holder" Polling G
John P. "Washed Up" Washington TE
William A. "Busier than a One Armed Paper Hanger" Gray P
Charles "Lay Down" Chadlayne DT
F. H. "Done" Dunston DE
Wesley "Crushed" Autrey HB
Robert S. "Not" Wright G
K. J. "Mary" Paul C
Thomas "Cant Hold" Water OT
M. "Pancaked" Luther OT
J. "Incline" Calvin G
Joseph "Bag of Donuts" Chiesa FS
Frank "Jack" Assisi DT
G. L. "Really?" Orry SS
Robert "Missed it By That Much" Magner K
With apologies in advance, presenting OTM "Players" Returning Season 21 Roster
(unless the homeless shelter accepts the trade)
Artus "Sled" Pendragon QB
Brisbane "Old Timer" Bandicoot CB
I. B. Lieve TE
I. M. Saved CB
Llywarch "LOL" Lydanwyn FS
Constantine "Tea" Rex FS
Dagonet "Dagnabbit" Bush WR
Renaud "Volare" Mountauban CB
Cador "So Nice they Named Him Twice" Cadorious DE
Galeschin "Not Trusting" Nentresen KR
Orlando "Fans" Furioso STOP
Geroges "Whyfor" Yvoire TE
Miracles Happen DT
Lord "Plowed" Hroudland HB
Patrick J. "Oops" Kelly LB
John D. "Donut" Dalton LB
Stephen "No Hurry" Murray LB
Thomas J. "Sullen" Cullen LB
Arthur "Two Sheds" Pierson cb
Donald "Cheese" Burger cb
James "Bad" Bolen SS
George "Can't" Holder DE
B. K."Ain't" Eindt LB
Earl "Leap" Efrog DT
Galath "Landslide" Lanslod WR
0800 Opening Ceremonies, including speeches of consolation and solidarity by Presidents of Detroit Lions and Chicago Cubs Fan Clubs.
0830 Receivers and Backs 40 Meter Dash: Season 20 Receivers and Backs of the Off Topic Miracles compete in 40 meter dash competition.
0900 Tour of the End Zone, Players 0900-0915, Fans 0915-0930
0930 Race Halftime. Self Tackled Players removed from race track for safety.
1000 Stadium Tour. Upper Levels will not be open due to number of leapers last season.
1030 Race Winners Expected to Arrive at finish line, Awards Ceremony Follows.
1100 Whine and Sour Grapes Luncheon
1200 Remote Control Throwing Contest.
1300 Open Tryouts, Scrimmage. Note: Fans urged to not tear down goal posts. Beating the OTM Squad is not that impressive, and the goal posts are expensive.
1400 Annual Mental Wellness Center's, "Have Your Head Examined Here" Booth opens, expect long lines, arrive early, wear comfortable shoes.
1500 Ceremonial Dragging into ze Street und Schotting of select members of the Season 20 Roster (see list below, excluding winner of 40 Meter Dash Competition)
1600 Can I Haz Your Stuff? Charity Auction, player locker rooms.
1700 Season 20 Championship T-Shirts and Hats Bonfire, Signature OTM Miracles Marshmallows provided gratis as always.
2000 Closing Ceremony, Reverend Nochance of Our Lady of Lost Causes delivers annual Better Luck Next Year sermon.
Season 20 Schotting Roster
Herbert "After You" Brooks C
J. A. "Really Short Yardage" Midgett HB
James "Sleep in The Hay" Loftus G
Robert "Hot Potato" Hunt (traded to OT Grace for Bag of Cleats but returning by popular demand)
Donald "Drop" Haviland WR
Holcomb "Lemon Law" Lammon FB
George L. "Out Foxed" Fox OT
Alexander "No" Goode OT
Clark "Door Holder" Polling G
John P. "Washed Up" Washington TE
William A. "Busier than a One Armed Paper Hanger" Gray P
Charles "Lay Down" Chadlayne DT
F. H. "Done" Dunston DE
Wesley "Crushed" Autrey HB
Robert S. "Not" Wright G
K. J. "Mary" Paul C
Thomas "Cant Hold" Water OT
M. "Pancaked" Luther OT
J. "Incline" Calvin G
Joseph "Bag of Donuts" Chiesa FS
Frank "Jack" Assisi DT
G. L. "Really?" Orry SS
Robert "Missed it By That Much" Magner K
With apologies in advance, presenting OTM "Players" Returning Season 21 Roster
(unless the homeless shelter accepts the trade)
Artus "Sled" Pendragon QB
Brisbane "Old Timer" Bandicoot CB
I. B. Lieve TE
I. M. Saved CB
Llywarch "LOL" Lydanwyn FS
Constantine "Tea" Rex FS
Dagonet "Dagnabbit" Bush WR
Renaud "Volare" Mountauban CB
Cador "So Nice they Named Him Twice" Cadorious DE
Galeschin "Not Trusting" Nentresen KR
Orlando "Fans" Furioso STOP
Geroges "Whyfor" Yvoire TE
Miracles Happen DT
Lord "Plowed" Hroudland HB
Patrick J. "Oops" Kelly LB
John D. "Donut" Dalton LB
Stephen "No Hurry" Murray LB
Thomas J. "Sullen" Cullen LB
Arthur "Two Sheds" Pierson cb
Donald "Cheese" Burger cb
James "Bad" Bolen SS
George "Can't" Holder DE
B. K."Ain't" Eindt LB
Earl "Leap" Efrog DT
Galath "Landslide" Lanslod WR
