Week 1 Predictions
Usual disclaimer: this is my opinion only. If you don’t like it, I still love you.
Welcome to inter-Conference showdown week (aka the Caddy Shack special).
Predicted wins per conference:
Naga: 8
lolgaruda: 8
Game Of The Week
Palembang Drunken Monks v Three Kingdom Warriors
Ok, I know I am biased and all, but this has to be GoTW. I am relatively certain (as you can be in GLB) that both of these teams get home playoffs games. I am expecting a war here and as DC for one team I must say I am both excited and nervous. Those boys at TKW know who to plan if they feel like it. I’ll never forget the advice I got one day: “I'm going to give you a little advice. There's a force in the universe that makes things happen. And all you have to do is get in touch with it, stop thinking, let things happen, and be the ball.” Ok, so I got that advice from the TV, so sue me. Monks 17, TKW 14
Inter-Conference Matchups
Bacolod Skullcrushers v New People’s Army
Really? I have to do this one? “This is good stuff. I got it from a Negro. You're probably high already and you don't even know it.” Man, I hope so because I would have to be high to watch this one. Bacolod 115, NPA 30
Cambodia Mountain Men v Atlantic Great Whites
This should be a fairly entertaining game between two teams that are hoping to be competing for the 8 spot in their respective conferences. I remember the old days when CMM was feared, but nowadays all I hear people say to them is “Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity.” AGW 27, CMM 24
Hong Kong Hustlers v Boston Bears
Boston looks like they have a respectable roster but they aren’t really in a position to compete with the top half of teams in this league. Unfortunately for them, HKH is among those better teams. They’re probably not looking forward to hearing Epark say “IT'S IN THE HOLE.” HKH 55, Boston 28
Beer Drinkers, Hell Raisers, and Mom v Phu Khao Bow Chicka Brown Cows
This one wins the award for longest combined team name. It’s also one of a surprisingly large number of matchups between teams that played each other preseason. Why does that happen? Anyway, I’m thinking PKBCBC probably tanked that one. Let me advise against eating any concessions at Beer Drinkers stadium “Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low grade dog food. I've had better food at the ballgame, you know? This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it.” PKBCBC 38, BDHRM 20
Saint Foy Cyclones v Australia Smurfin’ Smurfs
Another stinker here. The Cyclones may technically be in the same league as the Smurfs but they’re theoretically in a different league. You know what I mean. Way too much firepower, it’s like gopher hunting. “License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote.” SFC 225, ASS 3
Pudong Skyfire v New York Empire
Now we’re talkin’. Two legit teams go at it. Ok, Pudong is more legit, but still. The Empire better hope that special home turf grass pays off for them because otherwise they’re in a heap of trouble. “This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia.” Pudong 65, NYE 20
Pa Dong Dragons v Buffalo Knights
Hmm, two probably underachieving teams collide in a matchup that will probably resemble the Dolphins and Bears on MNF. Is that good? Ok, really that would be selling the K-niggets short. They’re going to get thirsty running up and down the field in this one. “How about a Fresca?” Buffalo 38, Pa Dong 20
Portland Dirty Penguins v Quad City Quarantine
I could see this one being close, but probably will get out of hand. Either way it will have the same result in the W/L column. I’ll be paying more attention to the cheerleaders most likely. “Yeah, you're lean, mean, and I bet you're not too far in between are ya. How'd you like to wrap your spikes around my...” PDP 47, QCQ 28
The Cult v Krakow Kryptonite
How can Krakow pick the right color of kryptonite when The Cult Tiny Hobo Personality Crowded House team keeps changing the target? Whatever the name changes the concept remains the same. “A flute without holes, is not a flute. A donut without a hole, is a Danish.” Make sense? I knew it. TC 85, KK 17
Chi-Town Hustlers v Lefkada-Singapore Seahawks
I’m going to try and point out the positives here. This should be a fairly even game. I’ll even give you a few tips. “Just be the ball, be the ball, be the ball.” LSS 27, CTH 24
Guam Tigers v Sioux Falls Storm
The Storm (previously a WNBA team) is going to start the season feeling good. After that, I just don’t know. I can hear them reading this right now. “Thank you very little.” You’re welcome? SFS 42, Guam 10
Golden Hill Bones v Wu Dang Kung Fu Academy
Another game that should be reasonably close between two teams with dreams of making the playoffs. Probably one of them will sneak in, but who knows? The winner gets off to a great start. The loser? “You'll get nothing, and like it!” Wu Dang 30, GHB 20
Woody Island Wolverines v Buffalo Rampage
The new power versus the old school power. Unfortunately I think the old school power may be a little bit down this season, but who knows for sure because they never bother putting together a game plan until they really have to do it. When they do, watch out. Allow me to wish my friends in Buffalo luck. “Bless this ship, and all who sail on her.” WIW 42, Buffalo 24
Victoria Teabaggers v Lucid D.R.E.A.M.
I really do think VT will be a playoff team, but this is a rough first game for them imo. They have the talent to upset teams 4-8 in a given conference, but unfortunately for them Lucid is more like a team 1. Then again, all of the pressure is on Lucid because I’m assuming VT knows they probably won’t win. Lucid, “You've got to win this hole.” Lucid 55, VT 14
Orlando Praying Mantis v Mandalay King Cobras
Still trying to be positive. Probably going to be a close game? Neither team has much of a playoff shot, but I guess one of them is going to start out in the W column. I know in AAA they let you fudge a little bit, but we go by strict rules here. “Yes. Yes. Winter rules.” No, NOT winter rules, ok? MKC 30, OPM 20
Usual disclaimer: this is my opinion only. If you don’t like it, I still love you.
Welcome to inter-Conference showdown week (aka the Caddy Shack special).
Predicted wins per conference:
Naga: 8
lolgaruda: 8
Game Of The Week
Palembang Drunken Monks v Three Kingdom Warriors
Ok, I know I am biased and all, but this has to be GoTW. I am relatively certain (as you can be in GLB) that both of these teams get home playoffs games. I am expecting a war here and as DC for one team I must say I am both excited and nervous. Those boys at TKW know who to plan if they feel like it. I’ll never forget the advice I got one day: “I'm going to give you a little advice. There's a force in the universe that makes things happen. And all you have to do is get in touch with it, stop thinking, let things happen, and be the ball.” Ok, so I got that advice from the TV, so sue me. Monks 17, TKW 14
Inter-Conference Matchups
Bacolod Skullcrushers v New People’s Army
Really? I have to do this one? “This is good stuff. I got it from a Negro. You're probably high already and you don't even know it.” Man, I hope so because I would have to be high to watch this one. Bacolod 115, NPA 30
Cambodia Mountain Men v Atlantic Great Whites
This should be a fairly entertaining game between two teams that are hoping to be competing for the 8 spot in their respective conferences. I remember the old days when CMM was feared, but nowadays all I hear people say to them is “Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity.” AGW 27, CMM 24
Hong Kong Hustlers v Boston Bears
Boston looks like they have a respectable roster but they aren’t really in a position to compete with the top half of teams in this league. Unfortunately for them, HKH is among those better teams. They’re probably not looking forward to hearing Epark say “IT'S IN THE HOLE.” HKH 55, Boston 28
Beer Drinkers, Hell Raisers, and Mom v Phu Khao Bow Chicka Brown Cows
This one wins the award for longest combined team name. It’s also one of a surprisingly large number of matchups between teams that played each other preseason. Why does that happen? Anyway, I’m thinking PKBCBC probably tanked that one. Let me advise against eating any concessions at Beer Drinkers stadium “Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low grade dog food. I've had better food at the ballgame, you know? This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it.” PKBCBC 38, BDHRM 20
Saint Foy Cyclones v Australia Smurfin’ Smurfs
Another stinker here. The Cyclones may technically be in the same league as the Smurfs but they’re theoretically in a different league. You know what I mean. Way too much firepower, it’s like gopher hunting. “License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote.” SFC 225, ASS 3
Pudong Skyfire v New York Empire
Now we’re talkin’. Two legit teams go at it. Ok, Pudong is more legit, but still. The Empire better hope that special home turf grass pays off for them because otherwise they’re in a heap of trouble. “This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia.” Pudong 65, NYE 20
Pa Dong Dragons v Buffalo Knights
Hmm, two probably underachieving teams collide in a matchup that will probably resemble the Dolphins and Bears on MNF. Is that good? Ok, really that would be selling the K-niggets short. They’re going to get thirsty running up and down the field in this one. “How about a Fresca?” Buffalo 38, Pa Dong 20
Portland Dirty Penguins v Quad City Quarantine
I could see this one being close, but probably will get out of hand. Either way it will have the same result in the W/L column. I’ll be paying more attention to the cheerleaders most likely. “Yeah, you're lean, mean, and I bet you're not too far in between are ya. How'd you like to wrap your spikes around my...” PDP 47, QCQ 28
The Cult v Krakow Kryptonite
How can Krakow pick the right color of kryptonite when The Cult Tiny Hobo Personality Crowded House team keeps changing the target? Whatever the name changes the concept remains the same. “A flute without holes, is not a flute. A donut without a hole, is a Danish.” Make sense? I knew it. TC 85, KK 17
Chi-Town Hustlers v Lefkada-Singapore Seahawks
I’m going to try and point out the positives here. This should be a fairly even game. I’ll even give you a few tips. “Just be the ball, be the ball, be the ball.” LSS 27, CTH 24
Guam Tigers v Sioux Falls Storm
The Storm (previously a WNBA team) is going to start the season feeling good. After that, I just don’t know. I can hear them reading this right now. “Thank you very little.” You’re welcome? SFS 42, Guam 10
Golden Hill Bones v Wu Dang Kung Fu Academy
Another game that should be reasonably close between two teams with dreams of making the playoffs. Probably one of them will sneak in, but who knows? The winner gets off to a great start. The loser? “You'll get nothing, and like it!” Wu Dang 30, GHB 20
Woody Island Wolverines v Buffalo Rampage
The new power versus the old school power. Unfortunately I think the old school power may be a little bit down this season, but who knows for sure because they never bother putting together a game plan until they really have to do it. When they do, watch out. Allow me to wish my friends in Buffalo luck. “Bless this ship, and all who sail on her.” WIW 42, Buffalo 24
Victoria Teabaggers v Lucid D.R.E.A.M.
I really do think VT will be a playoff team, but this is a rough first game for them imo. They have the talent to upset teams 4-8 in a given conference, but unfortunately for them Lucid is more like a team 1. Then again, all of the pressure is on Lucid because I’m assuming VT knows they probably won’t win. Lucid, “You've got to win this hole.” Lucid 55, VT 14
Orlando Praying Mantis v Mandalay King Cobras
Still trying to be positive. Probably going to be a close game? Neither team has much of a playoff shot, but I guess one of them is going to start out in the W column. I know in AAA they let you fudge a little bit, but we go by strict rules here. “Yes. Yes. Winter rules.” No, NOT winter rules, ok? MKC 30, OPM 20
