Texan's Week 1 Picks
I am putting my all-time accuracy rating on the line here by doing these a bit early as I probably won't have time on Thursday.
Current Record: 0-0
Predicted Conference Showdown Results: Naga 8, lolgaruda 8
It's that time again. We've done the 70s, 80s and 90s, this season it's 2000s time. Welcome to Alternative week.
Inter-Conference Week
Blue Renegade Wino Smurfs of Funkalicious Labatt (1046) v Lucid D.R.E.A.M. (1043)
These guys definitely win the top combined lolAPV award for the week. In the preseason Blue went in for "The Kill" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPIKNbvMuFg early and often. Lucid meanwhile felt a bit "Blurry" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJJsoquu70o about how the sim is going down this season after that unexpectedly lopsided result. Blue has gone on to some other very impressive lolpreseason results and Lucid definitely pulled things together in a couple of other tough preseason matchups. Do I think we'll see the same type of margin again this time? Hell no. The same result in the W column? Hell yes. Blue 56, Lucid 20. Naga
Cambodia Viper Assassins Blame Stu!! (1020) v Knights of the Round (1060)
Two new and impressively stocked teams collide here in what should be a relatively even first game. Despite their impressive APV the CVABS play on the field in the lolpreseason looks more like a team destined for "The Middle" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZ7ZvxXvn90 than anything else, which would not be a bad pro debut tbh. The same could be said about the Knights but really these teams both have the personnel to stage some sort of "Uprising" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AtZV5XdfqrI in their first Pro seasons if they can put things together. Obviously no one plans in the preseason, so who really knows how well they stack up at this point. CVABS 24, Knights 20. Naga
Bacolod Skullcrushers (974) v Buffalo Rampage (988)
Two veteran SEAPL teams collide here in a fun week 1 game for both. I think Buffalo is once "Again" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KbdCeWoEH1U not getting enough credit, despite sending much of their best talent to Krungthep. Bacolod meanwhile always lurks and generally is good to threaten for a playoff spot and pull off some upsets along the way. Really I think they should be "Fine Again" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Li2PVKMZCo4 this season. This should be a close affair and Buffalo has an almost supernatural knack for winning close games. If in doubt, just look at last season. Buffalo 30, Bacolod 23. lolgaruda
Semarang Red Bulls (1028) v Manila Warlords (966)
Manila is an SEAPL institution and has the hardware to prove it. Semarang is also a former lolgaruda champ in Pro, now transplanted to Naga and looking as good as ever. You may grasp from this intro that this will be a classic clash of the titans but "In the End" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yw1Tgj9-VU Semarang is just a much stronger team this season. Manila, it's not that "I Hate Everything About You" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8ekz_CSBVg because I am a huge Joe Boo fan and I know he's going to get Manila back to the top at some point. Semarang 65, Manila 17. Naga
Cambodia Mountain Men (CPU) v Da Nang Arsenal (957)
Unfortunately the super powers at mystic GLB headquarter decided to ignore haole's request to move down when he decided to gut the team and now we are left with this matchup. Da Nang is hardly a world beater (no offense) but they'd have to hire a "Seven Nation Army" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psbs_8kkWqg to make the playoffs this season. They get a freebie here though. No, I'm not even giving CMM a song. Da Nang 255, CMM 0. lolgaruda
Pa Dong Dragons (1027) v Singapore Canes (970)
Welcome back to Pro to Pa Dong, although now under new ownership, "It's Been A While" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2NGe9mLAEc I'm sure you guys haven't planned all preseason but damn it's doesn't have to look so much like it! Singapore meanwhile is back from a successful Pro season and hopes to scratch their way back to the playoffs this time. I have no reason to think that Pa Dong has as much advantage as APV seems to indicate here and my bold prediction is that the team that loses here will "Break" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_4VCpTZye10 early and not make the playoffs. Pa Dong 30, Singapore 20. Naga
Portland Dirty Penguins (985) v Cambodian RiverRats (1009)
New and old do battle here in terms of SEAPL tenure. PDP is an original Season 1 Pro team, though has made a couple of visits to AAA, while the RiverRats make their first appearance. CRR is already burning up the forums with tales of their greatness and indeed they look like a strong team. Don't "Hate Me" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDxgSvJINlU but while you are a strong playoff team, you aren't a threat to win it this season. PDP is looking pretty good despite sending most of their best talent over to the Monks for a title run but "I Dare You" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iazu5htQT4I to count us out of the playoff race. I would however not favor us here against those young guns, although I think it will be close. CRR 35, PDP 30. lolgaruda
Tibet Psychonaughts (1046) v North American Noblemen (935)
Welcome to Pro NAN, this is a tough way to start, as you will be "Learning the Hard Way" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hzJBHwrNeY Tibet is aging but still pretty formidable, although maybe not so much as "When You Were Young" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ff0oWESdmH0 but time will tell. This is certainly one of those baptism by fire scenarios. Tibet 55, NAN 13. Naga
Hong Kong Hustlers (1001) v Hell's Reapers (911)
HKH took a big step forward last season and you know they'd like to take another here. Starting with almost 100 APV advantage is probably a good way, but can they "Rise Above" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3La-qvOiSw what they did last season where they clawed into that last playoff spot? Hell's is probably in for another long campaign like last time and really look pretty "Far Away" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4y-RzVGrHg from contending right now. HKH 49, Hell's 10. Naga
Apatity Awesome (1023) v Three Kingdom Warriors (1020)
Will this game really be as close as the APV indicates or will one team pull away? TKW will most likely "Forever" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7Sadcswnv4 be known as SEA's best cross-league team in history, although ESL or Saigon could change that perception at some point. Apatity meanwhile is the new kid on the block but kind of a tough one. Will they do "Whatever It Takes" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=swQqc1Q2GV0 ala Stern or will they go more with the flow? I like them here in what technically might be called an upset. Apatity 38, TKW 27. Naga
St. John Rumrunners (987) v The Tackling Dummies (1029)
SJR is back for another bite at the Pro apple, but will it taste as bitter as before? Meanwhile TTD (not to be confused with Terrence Trent D'arby) did not like the taste of mediocrity of their first Pro season and set about on some changes that should have them comfortably into the playoffs, although I'm not quite convinced their season will taste quite as good as the "Non-Dairy Creamer" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umPYBYHv4bE I'm enjoying right now. Meanwhile for St. John, I think when "All Is Said and Done" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ayVG5L4kUTs they will consider it a successful season if they are still here next time. TTD 48, St. John 6. lolgaruda
Palembang Drunken Monks (1029) v Bangalore Monsoon (996)
Both of these veteran SEAPL teams have a strong track record of success. The Monks are loaded for bear this season while Bangalore tries to hold the aging roster together for one more run at greatness. I "Apologize" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm0T7_SGee4 in advance to Bangalore, but I think the Monks are the much stronger team right now. Bangalore however is far from a "Car Crash" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6tHm3NejXA and will compete nicely most of the season. Monks 45, Bangalore 20. Naga
Caracas Viking (897) v Buffalo Knights (967)
This looks like another of those occasions where one of the teams gets a free pass to start the season and it ends up being one of the few notches in that W column. Now it could be that at the end of the season it's one of those deals where "Everything's Magic" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oM3ykGr6Nj4 for one of these teams, but I kinda don't think so. Which team will be exposed as "The Pretender" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBjQ9tuuTJQ right away? Buffalo 35, Caracas 16. lolgaruda
Alabama Tidesports Crimson Tide (883) v New York Empire (1020)
The team with the most redundant name in GLB takes on another second year Pro franchise that appears to be on the way up the charts. Alabama appears to really have no mojo, or maybe that is just a "Really Bad Analogy" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8OvPz4EhNo Empire looks way better than the carpet company of the same name, although not sure if there is a relation. I will "Speak No Evil" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7dvTf0e9BYc of them right now. Empire 75, Alabama 9. lolgaruda
Taipei Giant Pandas (1026) v Flint Cobras (937)
This game doesn't have much spark to me tbh. TGP's APV is pretty overrated since they only have 40 players while Flint has been getting rolled like a drunken sailor in the lolpreseason. Best case scenario here is that the sim ends at the "Speed of Sound" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNftO3-_sxQ and I can get back to "Work" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WBHewSTFm_4 Flint 16, Taipei 13. lolgaruda
Victoria Teabaggers (941) v Krungthep Garudas (1050)
Get ready to have something resting on your chin VT because Krungthep is coming to town and they're fucking loaded, "It Was Nice to Know You" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qf_7mEPMIAc No offense of course to VT, but fool has created another monster over there in groong tape--"Chasing Cars" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GemKqzILV4w might actually be safer than playing them. Krungthep 90, VT 3. lolgaruda
I am putting my all-time accuracy rating on the line here by doing these a bit early as I probably won't have time on Thursday.
Current Record: 0-0
Predicted Conference Showdown Results: Naga 8, lolgaruda 8
It's that time again. We've done the 70s, 80s and 90s, this season it's 2000s time. Welcome to Alternative week.
Inter-Conference Week
Blue Renegade Wino Smurfs of Funkalicious Labatt (1046) v Lucid D.R.E.A.M. (1043)
These guys definitely win the top combined lolAPV award for the week. In the preseason Blue went in for "The Kill" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPIKNbvMuFg early and often. Lucid meanwhile felt a bit "Blurry" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJJsoquu70o about how the sim is going down this season after that unexpectedly lopsided result. Blue has gone on to some other very impressive lolpreseason results and Lucid definitely pulled things together in a couple of other tough preseason matchups. Do I think we'll see the same type of margin again this time? Hell no. The same result in the W column? Hell yes. Blue 56, Lucid 20. Naga
Cambodia Viper Assassins Blame Stu!! (1020) v Knights of the Round (1060)
Two new and impressively stocked teams collide here in what should be a relatively even first game. Despite their impressive APV the CVABS play on the field in the lolpreseason looks more like a team destined for "The Middle" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZ7ZvxXvn90 than anything else, which would not be a bad pro debut tbh. The same could be said about the Knights but really these teams both have the personnel to stage some sort of "Uprising" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AtZV5XdfqrI in their first Pro seasons if they can put things together. Obviously no one plans in the preseason, so who really knows how well they stack up at this point. CVABS 24, Knights 20. Naga
Bacolod Skullcrushers (974) v Buffalo Rampage (988)
Two veteran SEAPL teams collide here in a fun week 1 game for both. I think Buffalo is once "Again" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KbdCeWoEH1U not getting enough credit, despite sending much of their best talent to Krungthep. Bacolod meanwhile always lurks and generally is good to threaten for a playoff spot and pull off some upsets along the way. Really I think they should be "Fine Again" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Li2PVKMZCo4 this season. This should be a close affair and Buffalo has an almost supernatural knack for winning close games. If in doubt, just look at last season. Buffalo 30, Bacolod 23. lolgaruda
Semarang Red Bulls (1028) v Manila Warlords (966)
Manila is an SEAPL institution and has the hardware to prove it. Semarang is also a former lolgaruda champ in Pro, now transplanted to Naga and looking as good as ever. You may grasp from this intro that this will be a classic clash of the titans but "In the End" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yw1Tgj9-VU Semarang is just a much stronger team this season. Manila, it's not that "I Hate Everything About You" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8ekz_CSBVg because I am a huge Joe Boo fan and I know he's going to get Manila back to the top at some point. Semarang 65, Manila 17. Naga
Cambodia Mountain Men (CPU) v Da Nang Arsenal (957)
Unfortunately the super powers at mystic GLB headquarter decided to ignore haole's request to move down when he decided to gut the team and now we are left with this matchup. Da Nang is hardly a world beater (no offense) but they'd have to hire a "Seven Nation Army" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psbs_8kkWqg to make the playoffs this season. They get a freebie here though. No, I'm not even giving CMM a song. Da Nang 255, CMM 0. lolgaruda
Pa Dong Dragons (1027) v Singapore Canes (970)
Welcome back to Pro to Pa Dong, although now under new ownership, "It's Been A While" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2NGe9mLAEc I'm sure you guys haven't planned all preseason but damn it's doesn't have to look so much like it! Singapore meanwhile is back from a successful Pro season and hopes to scratch their way back to the playoffs this time. I have no reason to think that Pa Dong has as much advantage as APV seems to indicate here and my bold prediction is that the team that loses here will "Break" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_4VCpTZye10 early and not make the playoffs. Pa Dong 30, Singapore 20. Naga
Portland Dirty Penguins (985) v Cambodian RiverRats (1009)
New and old do battle here in terms of SEAPL tenure. PDP is an original Season 1 Pro team, though has made a couple of visits to AAA, while the RiverRats make their first appearance. CRR is already burning up the forums with tales of their greatness and indeed they look like a strong team. Don't "Hate Me" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDxgSvJINlU but while you are a strong playoff team, you aren't a threat to win it this season. PDP is looking pretty good despite sending most of their best talent over to the Monks for a title run but "I Dare You" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iazu5htQT4I to count us out of the playoff race. I would however not favor us here against those young guns, although I think it will be close. CRR 35, PDP 30. lolgaruda
Tibet Psychonaughts (1046) v North American Noblemen (935)
Welcome to Pro NAN, this is a tough way to start, as you will be "Learning the Hard Way" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hzJBHwrNeY Tibet is aging but still pretty formidable, although maybe not so much as "When You Were Young" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ff0oWESdmH0 but time will tell. This is certainly one of those baptism by fire scenarios. Tibet 55, NAN 13. Naga
Hong Kong Hustlers (1001) v Hell's Reapers (911)
HKH took a big step forward last season and you know they'd like to take another here. Starting with almost 100 APV advantage is probably a good way, but can they "Rise Above" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3La-qvOiSw what they did last season where they clawed into that last playoff spot? Hell's is probably in for another long campaign like last time and really look pretty "Far Away" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4y-RzVGrHg from contending right now. HKH 49, Hell's 10. Naga
Apatity Awesome (1023) v Three Kingdom Warriors (1020)
Will this game really be as close as the APV indicates or will one team pull away? TKW will most likely "Forever" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7Sadcswnv4 be known as SEA's best cross-league team in history, although ESL or Saigon could change that perception at some point. Apatity meanwhile is the new kid on the block but kind of a tough one. Will they do "Whatever It Takes" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=swQqc1Q2GV0 ala Stern or will they go more with the flow? I like them here in what technically might be called an upset. Apatity 38, TKW 27. Naga
St. John Rumrunners (987) v The Tackling Dummies (1029)
SJR is back for another bite at the Pro apple, but will it taste as bitter as before? Meanwhile TTD (not to be confused with Terrence Trent D'arby) did not like the taste of mediocrity of their first Pro season and set about on some changes that should have them comfortably into the playoffs, although I'm not quite convinced their season will taste quite as good as the "Non-Dairy Creamer" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umPYBYHv4bE I'm enjoying right now. Meanwhile for St. John, I think when "All Is Said and Done" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ayVG5L4kUTs they will consider it a successful season if they are still here next time. TTD 48, St. John 6. lolgaruda
Palembang Drunken Monks (1029) v Bangalore Monsoon (996)
Both of these veteran SEAPL teams have a strong track record of success. The Monks are loaded for bear this season while Bangalore tries to hold the aging roster together for one more run at greatness. I "Apologize" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm0T7_SGee4 in advance to Bangalore, but I think the Monks are the much stronger team right now. Bangalore however is far from a "Car Crash" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6tHm3NejXA and will compete nicely most of the season. Monks 45, Bangalore 20. Naga
Caracas Viking (897) v Buffalo Knights (967)
This looks like another of those occasions where one of the teams gets a free pass to start the season and it ends up being one of the few notches in that W column. Now it could be that at the end of the season it's one of those deals where "Everything's Magic" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oM3ykGr6Nj4 for one of these teams, but I kinda don't think so. Which team will be exposed as "The Pretender" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBjQ9tuuTJQ right away? Buffalo 35, Caracas 16. lolgaruda
Alabama Tidesports Crimson Tide (883) v New York Empire (1020)
The team with the most redundant name in GLB takes on another second year Pro franchise that appears to be on the way up the charts. Alabama appears to really have no mojo, or maybe that is just a "Really Bad Analogy" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8OvPz4EhNo Empire looks way better than the carpet company of the same name, although not sure if there is a relation. I will "Speak No Evil" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7dvTf0e9BYc of them right now. Empire 75, Alabama 9. lolgaruda
Taipei Giant Pandas (1026) v Flint Cobras (937)
This game doesn't have much spark to me tbh. TGP's APV is pretty overrated since they only have 40 players while Flint has been getting rolled like a drunken sailor in the lolpreseason. Best case scenario here is that the sim ends at the "Speed of Sound" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNftO3-_sxQ and I can get back to "Work" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WBHewSTFm_4 Flint 16, Taipei 13. lolgaruda
Victoria Teabaggers (941) v Krungthep Garudas (1050)
Get ready to have something resting on your chin VT because Krungthep is coming to town and they're fucking loaded, "It Was Nice to Know You" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qf_7mEPMIAc No offense of course to VT, but fool has created another monster over there in groong tape--"Chasing Cars" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GemKqzILV4w might actually be safer than playing them. Krungthep 90, VT 3. lolgaruda
I know what kind of time and energy goes into these, and I really appreciate you doing them. Adds a tremendous amount of fun to GLB, and is one of the primary factors why SEAPL is a top forum. 
