What follows are my own personal power rankings. Unlike some of the power ranking showing in these here forums, MY rankings have some sense behind them! Here is my system:
Teams will be rated on the following characteristics-
1) Quality of Name
2) Quality of chosen city.
3) Logo.
4) Team colors.
I will be applying a propritary formula (that means I cannot tell you what the formula is, 'cause you might steal it...or because I am not really sure myself!) to calculate all these various factors, and arrive at THE best overall rankings chart EVER. If you disagree with my rankings, fine. Just know you are stupid, and your mother does laundry for other people, and proably sniffs the skid marks in their underwear (ok, this isn't PROVEN, but the evidence is still to be collected!). So without further ado-doobie-doo (sorry, I just had a "Motown moment" there), I give you my top 8 WESTERN CONFERENCE RANKS!
Yay me, I'm so cool!
Western conference top 8 Teams.
#8- 4 and 2 Minnesota Wolverines!
Minnesota is a decent team, who could have ranked higher based upon their strong color choice of Dark Blue and White. Yes, this is a little "old school", but the simple things endure because they have value. Minnesota falls in these rankings because they picked a STATE instead of a city, and because the "citites" in that state are so small it takes 2 of 'em together to equal any other City in the country. Also, do not accept any member of the Wolverines' management team as a wilderness guide if you plan to travel to the wilds of Minnesota (altho if you DO plan on travelling to Minnesota, you probably deserve whatever you get!), because none of them can tell the difference between a wolverine and a wolf (see logo).
#7- 6 and 0 NBA JAM!
Why this team picked a somewhat yummy sandwich spread as their mascot is beyond me, but hey, I cannot be too harsh because strawberry is a personal favorite of mine too! This team's management does need spelling lessons though (gosh, but I'm subtle in my humor!), as NAB is a word, but NBA isn't. To make matters worse they picked a bilious combination of Brown/Orange and Orange for their colors, putting me in mind of diaherria after drinking orange juice when I watch their games. If they would have stuck with the strawberry theme, I could have placed them higher.
#6- 3 and 3 Baby Giants!
Good colors on this team (Dark Blue/Black, White) redeems the BG's somewhat, but since I absolutely HATE disco music, I cannot put this team higher than #6 (although this MIGHT change if a couple of players switch names to Barry, Robin, or Maurice!). Without a city though, and with a logo claiming that the Giants are just a bunch of 0's, I don't think this is a team that thinks very highly of itself. I would LOVE to rank a team with a FB named "Chizz Mire" higher than this, but until the bad re-runs of Saturday Night Fever stop playing in my head, I am going to leave this team at #6.
#5- 6 and 0 Malibu Mercenaries!
This team is getting very close to "quality", and they have a few of the pieces in place for a deep play off run. City; VERY strong. Malibu rocks, putting me in mind of hot chicks in bikinis, slapping my face for touching their butts as they walk past on the beach (I LOVE that!). Logo; EXCELLANT. It is my dream in life to die at 98 years old, whilst trying to save a naked Miss Universe (preferably from Brazil) from drowning in a 50 foot tall vat of rum, so this logo definately strikes a chord with me! But team colors matching technicolor baby puke forces them down to #5.
#4- 5 and 1 Chicago Lazer Squirrels!
(disclaimer: The CLS is the team I GM for, so take all these comments with a grain of salt...you can COUNT on all the rest though!; I do not claim to be un-biased here!)
This is the BEST TEAM EVER! Their name ROCKS! Their team colors (med blue/Lt Blue) is an AWESOME choice! Chicago is the COOLEST city in the UNIVERSE! The logo of a hypnotic Bazooka weilding Squirrel is DA PWN! This is a magical team of destiny, with Saints as players, and Demi-Gods in team management, plus the Coordinator is as sexy as getting a BJ and a million bucks from Mandy Moore, without having to stay awake to "talk" afterward! So why is this team #4? Because the dang skin-flint Scotsman owner won't give me the 200k I need for EQ upgrades! (cheap bastard!).
#3- 3 and 3 Lafayette Mudbugs!
Ok, I put the mudbugs here only because saying "mudbug" instead of craw-fish just sounds way too creole...plus I love Nola! "Course these goofballs have a LOBSTER as their logo, but hey, you can't have everything! Where the feck IS Layfayette anyway? Who cares...not me! But someone really should tell the HB on this team that the character in the HBO series "Rome" was named TITUS Pullo, not TITAN Pullo. I just like the red/black, and white combo of their colors, so they get the #3 rank.
#2- 6 and 0 San Diego Cyberballers!
San Diego is a pretty good city, and they have the 2nd best baseball stadium in the majors (after Wrigley of course). On top of that, I already told you all I like red/black and white as a color combo, and the cyberballers use that too. Beyond these obvious indicators of quality, I really do not have much BAD to say about the cyberballers, except your name choice kept you out of #1...wtf is a "cyberballer" anyway? Someone who likes screwing computers? I have a feeling the owners/GMs on this team are a WAY sick lot.
and finally...
#1 4 and 2 Bunghole Liquors!
C'mon, you know it, this is the BEST team name in the league! They have backed up their awesome name choice with a solid logo proving they deserve the name too. In fact it was the "proof" of existence of Bunghole Liquors that has elevated it to my new FAVORITE business name of all time, surpassing "Beecher Meat and Liquor" (Beecher, Illinois), and Red Hot Pena's (a Ft. Wayne Indiana Hot Dog stand)! You know it, I know it, they know it...the Bunghole Liquors win this ranking hands down! (down the pants probably...but still)...
So if you don't like these, tough. This is my story, and I'm sticking to it! DPride is a dope who has no CLUE how to rank teams!
HA!
Teams will be rated on the following characteristics-
1) Quality of Name
2) Quality of chosen city.
3) Logo.
4) Team colors.
I will be applying a propritary formula (that means I cannot tell you what the formula is, 'cause you might steal it...or because I am not really sure myself!) to calculate all these various factors, and arrive at THE best overall rankings chart EVER. If you disagree with my rankings, fine. Just know you are stupid, and your mother does laundry for other people, and proably sniffs the skid marks in their underwear (ok, this isn't PROVEN, but the evidence is still to be collected!). So without further ado-doobie-doo (sorry, I just had a "Motown moment" there), I give you my top 8 WESTERN CONFERENCE RANKS!
Yay me, I'm so cool!
Western conference top 8 Teams.
#8- 4 and 2 Minnesota Wolverines!
Minnesota is a decent team, who could have ranked higher based upon their strong color choice of Dark Blue and White. Yes, this is a little "old school", but the simple things endure because they have value. Minnesota falls in these rankings because they picked a STATE instead of a city, and because the "citites" in that state are so small it takes 2 of 'em together to equal any other City in the country. Also, do not accept any member of the Wolverines' management team as a wilderness guide if you plan to travel to the wilds of Minnesota (altho if you DO plan on travelling to Minnesota, you probably deserve whatever you get!), because none of them can tell the difference between a wolverine and a wolf (see logo).
#7- 6 and 0 NBA JAM!
Why this team picked a somewhat yummy sandwich spread as their mascot is beyond me, but hey, I cannot be too harsh because strawberry is a personal favorite of mine too! This team's management does need spelling lessons though (gosh, but I'm subtle in my humor!), as NAB is a word, but NBA isn't. To make matters worse they picked a bilious combination of Brown/Orange and Orange for their colors, putting me in mind of diaherria after drinking orange juice when I watch their games. If they would have stuck with the strawberry theme, I could have placed them higher.
#6- 3 and 3 Baby Giants!
Good colors on this team (Dark Blue/Black, White) redeems the BG's somewhat, but since I absolutely HATE disco music, I cannot put this team higher than #6 (although this MIGHT change if a couple of players switch names to Barry, Robin, or Maurice!). Without a city though, and with a logo claiming that the Giants are just a bunch of 0's, I don't think this is a team that thinks very highly of itself. I would LOVE to rank a team with a FB named "Chizz Mire" higher than this, but until the bad re-runs of Saturday Night Fever stop playing in my head, I am going to leave this team at #6.
#5- 6 and 0 Malibu Mercenaries!
This team is getting very close to "quality", and they have a few of the pieces in place for a deep play off run. City; VERY strong. Malibu rocks, putting me in mind of hot chicks in bikinis, slapping my face for touching their butts as they walk past on the beach (I LOVE that!). Logo; EXCELLANT. It is my dream in life to die at 98 years old, whilst trying to save a naked Miss Universe (preferably from Brazil) from drowning in a 50 foot tall vat of rum, so this logo definately strikes a chord with me! But team colors matching technicolor baby puke forces them down to #5.
#4- 5 and 1 Chicago Lazer Squirrels!
(disclaimer: The CLS is the team I GM for, so take all these comments with a grain of salt...you can COUNT on all the rest though!; I do not claim to be un-biased here!)
This is the BEST TEAM EVER! Their name ROCKS! Their team colors (med blue/Lt Blue) is an AWESOME choice! Chicago is the COOLEST city in the UNIVERSE! The logo of a hypnotic Bazooka weilding Squirrel is DA PWN! This is a magical team of destiny, with Saints as players, and Demi-Gods in team management, plus the Coordinator is as sexy as getting a BJ and a million bucks from Mandy Moore, without having to stay awake to "talk" afterward! So why is this team #4? Because the dang skin-flint Scotsman owner won't give me the 200k I need for EQ upgrades! (cheap bastard!).
#3- 3 and 3 Lafayette Mudbugs!
Ok, I put the mudbugs here only because saying "mudbug" instead of craw-fish just sounds way too creole...plus I love Nola! "Course these goofballs have a LOBSTER as their logo, but hey, you can't have everything! Where the feck IS Layfayette anyway? Who cares...not me! But someone really should tell the HB on this team that the character in the HBO series "Rome" was named TITUS Pullo, not TITAN Pullo. I just like the red/black, and white combo of their colors, so they get the #3 rank.
#2- 6 and 0 San Diego Cyberballers!
San Diego is a pretty good city, and they have the 2nd best baseball stadium in the majors (after Wrigley of course). On top of that, I already told you all I like red/black and white as a color combo, and the cyberballers use that too. Beyond these obvious indicators of quality, I really do not have much BAD to say about the cyberballers, except your name choice kept you out of #1...wtf is a "cyberballer" anyway? Someone who likes screwing computers? I have a feeling the owners/GMs on this team are a WAY sick lot.
and finally...
#1 4 and 2 Bunghole Liquors!
C'mon, you know it, this is the BEST team name in the league! They have backed up their awesome name choice with a solid logo proving they deserve the name too. In fact it was the "proof" of existence of Bunghole Liquors that has elevated it to my new FAVORITE business name of all time, surpassing "Beecher Meat and Liquor" (Beecher, Illinois), and Red Hot Pena's (a Ft. Wayne Indiana Hot Dog stand)! You know it, I know it, they know it...the Bunghole Liquors win this ranking hands down! (down the pants probably...but still)...
So if you don't like these, tough. This is my story, and I'm sticking to it! DPride is a dope who has no CLUE how to rank teams!
HA!
