How the West was Won - Week Seven
Another decent day at the office, going 6-2 for the past week. Imagine if I actually had time to put this together right rather than just pulling predictions out of my...well, ok, pulling an Orangutans.
As always, these are in fun; don't take offense if I rip on your team. OK, here we go, working from the top down:
#1 Big Whiskey Assassins vs #12 Pittstown Pirate Hookers, at The Hookers Den: The Whiskey Train just keeps rolling along, dismantling Jack's Buccaneers. Pittstown came out angry after the Big Money debackle and just Handled Nashville. (Yes, with a capital H.)
Big Whiskey seems to have a problem with pirate ships for some reason. They move on from the Bucs to the Hookers Den, where they will set fire to the Hookers' ships as well, before moving on to their wood suppliers, the Lumberjacks. Big Whiskey 73-10.
#6 Lexington Lynx vs #2 INYA ONYA, at IROC Stadium: Lexington dispatched Seattle without really trying. INYA ONYA won the early season game of the year in the West in surprisingly easy fashion.
For all the YA jokes I make about this team, they really should be applauded for making this dramatic an improvement over last year. And I'm not just saying that because my Dynasty has to play them next week. This should be a good game...but last week with the Scorpion was supposed to be too. INYA ONYA keeps punching away for a 41-27 victory.
GAME OF THE WEEK: #4 Phoenix Scorpions vs #3 Oregon Orangutans, at The Zoo: Phoenix lost to INYA ONYA as described above. Oregon dropped banana peels at the wheelchairs of the Paraplegics and somehow got them to slip on them anyway.
Phoenix's second Game of the Week in a row. Will this one go better than last week? I have a feeling it'll be closer, but I think King Louie's crew (go watch the Jungle Book if you don't know what I'm talking about) will swing from the vines and stay out of the Scorpions' reach. Oregon O. 31-20.
#5 Big Money Dynasty vs #15 Seattle Grand Cru, at Grand Cru Stadium: Big Money bought enough Congressmen to get the forests the Lumberjacks were working in declared National Parks, and had them hauled away. Seattle got sunk by the USS Lexington.
For the second week in a row, a team gets the Dynasty right after playing Lexington. I'd expect the same result. Rumor has it the Dynasty's DC, a borderline sane man by his own right, nearly wet himself when Bort announced the Defensive Play Creator in the near future. That's likely bad news for everyone else, unless he decides to try to win with 9 men on the field or something. Or put the cheerleaders in at the CB slots. Which he might, you never know. Wait, what were we talking about again? Oh yeah, the game. The Doomsday Dynasty Defense (3D) strikes again, and obliterates the Grand Cru. Big Money 87-3.
#7 Wellsboro Crawling Chaos vs #9 Baton Rouge Buccaneers, at The Pirate's Cove: Wellsboro got back on the correct side of the ledger, laying waste to the Wolverines. Baton Rouge has completely had it's fill of all teams that start with "Big" by now.
This should be an intriguing matchup. Wellsboro has the better record, while Baton Rouge has the higher-leveled players. We all know how much that means in GLB. Despite that, I think Baton Rouge has enough in the tank to blast the Crawing Chaos off of Lady Liberty this week. Baton Rouge 31-24.
#13 Nashville Isotopes vs #8 Oregon Lumberjacks, from Lincoln Log Stadium: Nashville got STDs from the Pirate Hookers. Oregon got bankrupted by the Dynasty.
I'm going to do Nashville a favor this week. I'm picking them to lose. They can't seem to handle being picked to win for some reason. Lumberjacks get the National Park designation repealed this week, and get back to work. Oregon L. 56-10.
#10 Gardner Paraplegics vs #16 Lubbock Red Raiders, at Jones Stadium: Gardner slipped on banana peels as mentioned above. Lubbock, was...well, Lubbock.
And they'll likely continue to be Lubbock, as the Paraplegics somehow get back in their chairs, find the way to Jones Stadium and run over the Raiders. Gardner 51-20.
#14 Wolverhampton Wolverines vs #11 Bunghole Liquors, at Brownspot Stadium: Wolverhampton came back down to earth in the loss to Wellsboro. Bunghole had the week off.
Do Wolverines drink liquor? They will after watching game film of their performance in this one. Bunghole 77-17.
Last week's record: 6-2
Season Record: 34-6
Pick: Big Whiskey 63, Baton Rouge 10; Actual: Big Whiskey 111, Baton Rouge 3
Pick: Phoenix 31, INYA ONYA 28; Actual: INYA ONYA 52, Phoenix 21
Pick: Oregon O. 81, Gardner 21; Actual: Oregon O. 83, Gardner 10
Pick: Big Money 17, Oregon L. 14; Actual: Big Money 70, Oregon L. 7
Pick: Lexington 69, Seattle 3; Actual: Lexington 140, Seattle 0
Pick: Wellsboro 31, Wolverhampton 21; Actual: Wellsboro 93, Wolverhampton 7
Pick: Bunghole 84, Lubbock 10; Actual: Bunghole 77, Lubbock 0
Pick: Nashville 41, Pittstown 20; Actual: Pittstown 63, Nashville 20
Another decent day at the office, going 6-2 for the past week. Imagine if I actually had time to put this together right rather than just pulling predictions out of my...well, ok, pulling an Orangutans.
As always, these are in fun; don't take offense if I rip on your team. OK, here we go, working from the top down:
#1 Big Whiskey Assassins vs #12 Pittstown Pirate Hookers, at The Hookers Den: The Whiskey Train just keeps rolling along, dismantling Jack's Buccaneers. Pittstown came out angry after the Big Money debackle and just Handled Nashville. (Yes, with a capital H.)
Big Whiskey seems to have a problem with pirate ships for some reason. They move on from the Bucs to the Hookers Den, where they will set fire to the Hookers' ships as well, before moving on to their wood suppliers, the Lumberjacks. Big Whiskey 73-10.
#6 Lexington Lynx vs #2 INYA ONYA, at IROC Stadium: Lexington dispatched Seattle without really trying. INYA ONYA won the early season game of the year in the West in surprisingly easy fashion.
For all the YA jokes I make about this team, they really should be applauded for making this dramatic an improvement over last year. And I'm not just saying that because my Dynasty has to play them next week. This should be a good game...but last week with the Scorpion was supposed to be too. INYA ONYA keeps punching away for a 41-27 victory.
GAME OF THE WEEK: #4 Phoenix Scorpions vs #3 Oregon Orangutans, at The Zoo: Phoenix lost to INYA ONYA as described above. Oregon dropped banana peels at the wheelchairs of the Paraplegics and somehow got them to slip on them anyway.
Phoenix's second Game of the Week in a row. Will this one go better than last week? I have a feeling it'll be closer, but I think King Louie's crew (go watch the Jungle Book if you don't know what I'm talking about) will swing from the vines and stay out of the Scorpions' reach. Oregon O. 31-20.
#5 Big Money Dynasty vs #15 Seattle Grand Cru, at Grand Cru Stadium: Big Money bought enough Congressmen to get the forests the Lumberjacks were working in declared National Parks, and had them hauled away. Seattle got sunk by the USS Lexington.
For the second week in a row, a team gets the Dynasty right after playing Lexington. I'd expect the same result. Rumor has it the Dynasty's DC, a borderline sane man by his own right, nearly wet himself when Bort announced the Defensive Play Creator in the near future. That's likely bad news for everyone else, unless he decides to try to win with 9 men on the field or something. Or put the cheerleaders in at the CB slots. Which he might, you never know. Wait, what were we talking about again? Oh yeah, the game. The Doomsday Dynasty Defense (3D) strikes again, and obliterates the Grand Cru. Big Money 87-3.
#7 Wellsboro Crawling Chaos vs #9 Baton Rouge Buccaneers, at The Pirate's Cove: Wellsboro got back on the correct side of the ledger, laying waste to the Wolverines. Baton Rouge has completely had it's fill of all teams that start with "Big" by now.
This should be an intriguing matchup. Wellsboro has the better record, while Baton Rouge has the higher-leveled players. We all know how much that means in GLB. Despite that, I think Baton Rouge has enough in the tank to blast the Crawing Chaos off of Lady Liberty this week. Baton Rouge 31-24.
#13 Nashville Isotopes vs #8 Oregon Lumberjacks, from Lincoln Log Stadium: Nashville got STDs from the Pirate Hookers. Oregon got bankrupted by the Dynasty.
I'm going to do Nashville a favor this week. I'm picking them to lose. They can't seem to handle being picked to win for some reason. Lumberjacks get the National Park designation repealed this week, and get back to work. Oregon L. 56-10.
#10 Gardner Paraplegics vs #16 Lubbock Red Raiders, at Jones Stadium: Gardner slipped on banana peels as mentioned above. Lubbock, was...well, Lubbock.
And they'll likely continue to be Lubbock, as the Paraplegics somehow get back in their chairs, find the way to Jones Stadium and run over the Raiders. Gardner 51-20.
#14 Wolverhampton Wolverines vs #11 Bunghole Liquors, at Brownspot Stadium: Wolverhampton came back down to earth in the loss to Wellsboro. Bunghole had the week off.
Do Wolverines drink liquor? They will after watching game film of their performance in this one. Bunghole 77-17.
Last week's record: 6-2
Season Record: 34-6
Pick: Big Whiskey 63, Baton Rouge 10; Actual: Big Whiskey 111, Baton Rouge 3
Pick: Phoenix 31, INYA ONYA 28; Actual: INYA ONYA 52, Phoenix 21
Pick: Oregon O. 81, Gardner 21; Actual: Oregon O. 83, Gardner 10
Pick: Big Money 17, Oregon L. 14; Actual: Big Money 70, Oregon L. 7
Pick: Lexington 69, Seattle 3; Actual: Lexington 140, Seattle 0
Pick: Wellsboro 31, Wolverhampton 21; Actual: Wellsboro 93, Wolverhampton 7
Pick: Bunghole 84, Lubbock 10; Actual: Bunghole 77, Lubbock 0
Pick: Nashville 41, Pittstown 20; Actual: Pittstown 63, Nashville 20
Last edited Jan 13, 2009 18:18:28
