Welcome one, welcome all to the CHAOS UNDER THE BIG TOP! Season 6 is upon us and it's time to see how the offseason helped or hurt each team. It will be very interesting to see who boosts day 1 and who tries to make it in the playoffs without using their boosts. There are 4 teams that moved up from AAA that will look to start off strong and make their presence known to the rest of the league. To them I say this: I DON'T GIVE A RATS ASS HOW GOOD YOU THINK YOU ARE. 
This league is all about results. There will be 11 teams in Zeta vying for 8 playoff spots, in what promises to be the fiercest season ever. If you want respect, you have to earn it on the field. Once the season starts all teams will have their chance to prove they belong among the elite league in GLB. So if I rank you low its because I don't know enough about you yet, or you suck balls. And so, without further adieu...
King of the Mountain:
1) Neo Armstrong Cyclone Jet Armstrong Cannon - Yes, here they sit once again. Again they proved to everyone that they are the cream of the zeta crop, advancing to the League Final where they were ousted by ESL in what was (in my opinion) a closer game than the score indicated. The loss snapped a 15 game playoff win streak, but until someone from Zeta can beat them in the playoffs, they will be the best. There are rumors floating that this is their last season in GLB. I caught up with middle linebacker Fat Fro and he had this to say about it: "I don't know much about much, but I do know that... hey, have you seen my comb? Anyway, its a pleasure being on the best team in Ze... do I smell potatoes? Mmm, yes, PO-TA-TOES!" As you can see it was a riveting interview and reaffirmed my faith that NACJAC is here to stay.
#1 Contender:
2) Ho Chi Mean Hot Mamas - Big Rat's Hoes found themselves just one step away from returning to the big game last year, failing to obtain the hardware for their crystal showcase in the locker room. Did I mention its littered with dildo's, hot oil, and condoms? Everything you need for a party. This team is always tough to beat, and with exception to the loss in Season 3's SEA Pro Champ game, has beaten any alpha team sickly enough to cross their path. They will look to lock up a playoff spot early as they will face some very tough teams in the first 5 weeks (after Pattaya). This is a rebuilt team using Bigratuno's other farm team. Their powers combined form super bitches. We'll see how much chemistry really plays a factor in this game.
A stone's throw from the top:
3) Taiwan Blood Pandas - This former AAA team proved their dominance last year, slamming opponents into oblivion with their bamboo cocks. Their only regular season loss was a missed xtra point against Krak, they were disappointingly upset in the second round of the playoffs by Ho Chi. Rumors of pregnancy kept this team off their A-game as nightmares of child support and dirty diapers plagued the Pandas the night before gameday. Thats what you get for partying with the bitches. This team will look for vengeance Week 4 as they will travel to the Caldera to square off against Krak, a game they no doubt have circled on their calenders.
4) Bangkok Tweetys - The Tweets proved that even a mediocre regular season means jack shit in the playoffs, making a second consecutive playoff push advancing past a strong Hong Kong Highlander team in the first round. This team is always competitive with awesome bookend DE's, and a strong passing game that can torch even the best CB's. They have what appears to be 2 winnable games before a brutal 5 game stretch that includes Ho Chi, Krak, Taiwan, and the upstart LSP squad, who went undefeated in the regular season last year in AAA. No game is going to come easy this year.
5) Hong Kong Highlanders - After a convincing regular season stroll to the #3 seed, this team was bounced in round 1 by the Tweets. NO doubt they will be looking for revenge, and another shot at Zeta's coveted crown. They drew a cupcake alpha game, followed up with two nasty teams in Ho Chi and NACJAC, the top two teams in the conference. We'll see if this team stumbles out of the gate and recovers, or goes all in early and boosts to contend with the big boys. With their roster being nearly identical to last years they will look to employ their ground and pound style, 3rd best rushing attack in the league last year.
6) Krakatoan Red Warriors - Another team disappointed by a first round playoff loss to their arch-nemesis Ho Chi, the Warriors look to come back strong and look like they are wasting no time boosting their roster. The first round game with Ho Chi was an instant classic, arguably the best game in the league that day. A couple key offseason pickups look to bolster this teams pass rushing attack. Will it be enough to beat the best? This is a team built much like the #5 HKH and both teams got beat in the first round last year. Krak has drawn the nasty Phuket team from Alpha for the second consecutive year, in what is quickly becoming the most fierce cross-conference rivalry. Krak prevailed at the end of last season over Phuket, securing a home playoff game and keeping the very potent All's out of the endzone for only the second time all season. What will unfold as each team tweaks their AI and employs new strats?
The Best of the Rest:
7) Louisiana Screaming Pelicans - I haven't seen much of this team, but their reputation is enough to land them here at #7. One of 4 AAA teams to move up, this team was undefeated last year only to get beat in the Championship. While that loss leaves a bitter, kind of salty, creamy taste in their mouths, the motivation to succeed in Pros has never been stronger. They should go 4-0 before being truly tested week 5 by their rivals, Taiwan Blood Pandas. That should be a great game and will move the measuring stick up or down in my eyes as to how good this team really is. Like I said in the prelogue, every team will have its chances to move up and down the list. Don't get your taints in a twist because i dissed you, you just have to show me what you're made of.
8) Hong Kong Hustlers - Another team that moved up from AAA #2 after winning the league champ game. This team probably scares me the most from the 4 newcomers, as they appear to be a solid squad throughout and are riding an 8 game playoff win streak coming into the league. The pros are an entirely new animal though, and we'll see how this team's resolve holds out as a strong test week 2 vs. Krak Red Warriors awaits followed by LSP week three. It appears most of this team has already boosted as well, so the week 2 game should be a dogfight. No doubt Week 7 is circled as well, as they face their crosstown rivals, the Highlanders.
9) South Austin Bats - A blast from the past (you thought I was going to make a sexual joke here didn't you, perverts) this team has been around since the inception of GLB (or damn close to it). This team will need to win all of their first several games, as the tail end of their schedule is beastly. They will have a great chance at showing they belong week 2 against NACJAC, and week 11 they have a long awaited rematch with Krakatoan whom they haven't faced since Season 2 in AAA. We'll see how far along the Bats have come and if they have what it takes to burst into the playoffs.
10) Manila Warlords - This team sneaked into the playoffs last year after an upset victory against Krakatoa week 15, but will need to perform much better this year against an improved conference. Its curious to see if they will boost early or not, as I don't see any changes to their roster in the offseason. Then again, thats why they play the game!
Week 1 Zeta vs. Alpha Games of the Week:
Krakatoan Red Warriors vs. Phuket All
South Austin Bats vs. Singapore Marauders
Funny Quote of the Week:
Obama's inagural speech catchphrase. Can you smellllllllll what BA-RACK is Cookin!!!
This league is all about results. There will be 11 teams in Zeta vying for 8 playoff spots, in what promises to be the fiercest season ever. If you want respect, you have to earn it on the field. Once the season starts all teams will have their chance to prove they belong among the elite league in GLB. So if I rank you low its because I don't know enough about you yet, or you suck balls. And so, without further adieu...
King of the Mountain:
1) Neo Armstrong Cyclone Jet Armstrong Cannon - Yes, here they sit once again. Again they proved to everyone that they are the cream of the zeta crop, advancing to the League Final where they were ousted by ESL in what was (in my opinion) a closer game than the score indicated. The loss snapped a 15 game playoff win streak, but until someone from Zeta can beat them in the playoffs, they will be the best. There are rumors floating that this is their last season in GLB. I caught up with middle linebacker Fat Fro and he had this to say about it: "I don't know much about much, but I do know that... hey, have you seen my comb? Anyway, its a pleasure being on the best team in Ze... do I smell potatoes? Mmm, yes, PO-TA-TOES!" As you can see it was a riveting interview and reaffirmed my faith that NACJAC is here to stay.
#1 Contender:
2) Ho Chi Mean Hot Mamas - Big Rat's Hoes found themselves just one step away from returning to the big game last year, failing to obtain the hardware for their crystal showcase in the locker room. Did I mention its littered with dildo's, hot oil, and condoms? Everything you need for a party. This team is always tough to beat, and with exception to the loss in Season 3's SEA Pro Champ game, has beaten any alpha team sickly enough to cross their path. They will look to lock up a playoff spot early as they will face some very tough teams in the first 5 weeks (after Pattaya). This is a rebuilt team using Bigratuno's other farm team. Their powers combined form super bitches. We'll see how much chemistry really plays a factor in this game.
A stone's throw from the top:
3) Taiwan Blood Pandas - This former AAA team proved their dominance last year, slamming opponents into oblivion with their bamboo cocks. Their only regular season loss was a missed xtra point against Krak, they were disappointingly upset in the second round of the playoffs by Ho Chi. Rumors of pregnancy kept this team off their A-game as nightmares of child support and dirty diapers plagued the Pandas the night before gameday. Thats what you get for partying with the bitches. This team will look for vengeance Week 4 as they will travel to the Caldera to square off against Krak, a game they no doubt have circled on their calenders.
4) Bangkok Tweetys - The Tweets proved that even a mediocre regular season means jack shit in the playoffs, making a second consecutive playoff push advancing past a strong Hong Kong Highlander team in the first round. This team is always competitive with awesome bookend DE's, and a strong passing game that can torch even the best CB's. They have what appears to be 2 winnable games before a brutal 5 game stretch that includes Ho Chi, Krak, Taiwan, and the upstart LSP squad, who went undefeated in the regular season last year in AAA. No game is going to come easy this year.
5) Hong Kong Highlanders - After a convincing regular season stroll to the #3 seed, this team was bounced in round 1 by the Tweets. NO doubt they will be looking for revenge, and another shot at Zeta's coveted crown. They drew a cupcake alpha game, followed up with two nasty teams in Ho Chi and NACJAC, the top two teams in the conference. We'll see if this team stumbles out of the gate and recovers, or goes all in early and boosts to contend with the big boys. With their roster being nearly identical to last years they will look to employ their ground and pound style, 3rd best rushing attack in the league last year.
6) Krakatoan Red Warriors - Another team disappointed by a first round playoff loss to their arch-nemesis Ho Chi, the Warriors look to come back strong and look like they are wasting no time boosting their roster. The first round game with Ho Chi was an instant classic, arguably the best game in the league that day. A couple key offseason pickups look to bolster this teams pass rushing attack. Will it be enough to beat the best? This is a team built much like the #5 HKH and both teams got beat in the first round last year. Krak has drawn the nasty Phuket team from Alpha for the second consecutive year, in what is quickly becoming the most fierce cross-conference rivalry. Krak prevailed at the end of last season over Phuket, securing a home playoff game and keeping the very potent All's out of the endzone for only the second time all season. What will unfold as each team tweaks their AI and employs new strats?
The Best of the Rest:
7) Louisiana Screaming Pelicans - I haven't seen much of this team, but their reputation is enough to land them here at #7. One of 4 AAA teams to move up, this team was undefeated last year only to get beat in the Championship. While that loss leaves a bitter, kind of salty, creamy taste in their mouths, the motivation to succeed in Pros has never been stronger. They should go 4-0 before being truly tested week 5 by their rivals, Taiwan Blood Pandas. That should be a great game and will move the measuring stick up or down in my eyes as to how good this team really is. Like I said in the prelogue, every team will have its chances to move up and down the list. Don't get your taints in a twist because i dissed you, you just have to show me what you're made of.
8) Hong Kong Hustlers - Another team that moved up from AAA #2 after winning the league champ game. This team probably scares me the most from the 4 newcomers, as they appear to be a solid squad throughout and are riding an 8 game playoff win streak coming into the league. The pros are an entirely new animal though, and we'll see how this team's resolve holds out as a strong test week 2 vs. Krak Red Warriors awaits followed by LSP week three. It appears most of this team has already boosted as well, so the week 2 game should be a dogfight. No doubt Week 7 is circled as well, as they face their crosstown rivals, the Highlanders.
9) South Austin Bats - A blast from the past (you thought I was going to make a sexual joke here didn't you, perverts) this team has been around since the inception of GLB (or damn close to it). This team will need to win all of their first several games, as the tail end of their schedule is beastly. They will have a great chance at showing they belong week 2 against NACJAC, and week 11 they have a long awaited rematch with Krakatoan whom they haven't faced since Season 2 in AAA. We'll see how far along the Bats have come and if they have what it takes to burst into the playoffs.
10) Manila Warlords - This team sneaked into the playoffs last year after an upset victory against Krakatoa week 15, but will need to perform much better this year against an improved conference. Its curious to see if they will boost early or not, as I don't see any changes to their roster in the offseason. Then again, thats why they play the game!
Week 1 Zeta vs. Alpha Games of the Week:
Krakatoan Red Warriors vs. Phuket All
South Austin Bats vs. Singapore Marauders
Funny Quote of the Week:
Obama's inagural speech catchphrase. Can you smellllllllll what BA-RACK is Cookin!!!
Last edited Nov 6, 2008 20:01:35
