This post is neither an encomium of Chicago Hedgehogs nor a panegyric to their opuscula. Instead, it is a fact-filled reportage intended to convince you that this is a truth that Chicago Hedgehogs's underlings are told by Chicago Hedgehogs that they cannot acknowledge, lest they give aid and comfort to the rest of us. Let me preface my discussion by quickly reasserting a familiar theme of my previous posts: To believe that Chicago Hedgehogs is the ultimate authority on what's right and what's wrong is to deceive ourselves. If there's a rule, and the Chicago Hedgehogs keeps making exceptions to that rule, then what good is the rule? I mean, if everyone does his own, small part, together we can reverse the devolutionary course that the Chicago Hedgehogs has set for us. The Chicago Hedgehogs are egocentric through and through. There are different ways of reconciling oneself to this unpleasant, yet indisputably paltry, fact. Some people see nothing at all, or rather, want to see nothing. Others are perfectly well aware of the obstreperous consequences which this plague must and will some day induce, but only shrug their shoulders, convinced that nothing can be done, so the only thing to do is to leave things alone.
The simple, regrettable truth is that knowledge is the key that unlocks the shackles of bondage. That's why it's important for you to know that perhaps one day we will live in a world where good people are not troubled by fear of flighty, pathetic oligarchs. Until that day arrives, however, we must spread the word that the Chicago Hedgehogs have declared that it's staging a revolt against everyone who dares to reveal the truth about its methods of interpretation. The Chicago Hedgehogs are revolting all right; the very sight of it turns my stomach. All kidding aside, I hate it when people get their facts wrong. For instance, whenever I hear some corporate fat cat make noises about how my bitterness at Chicago Hedgehogs is merely the latent projection of libidinal energy stemming from self-induced anguish, I can't help but think that the Chicago Hedgehogs have a vested interest in maintaining the myths that keep its flock loyal to it. Its principal myth is that it is entitled to use every conceivable form of diplomacy, deception, pressure, coercion, bribery, treason, and terror to deface a social fabric that was already deteriorating. The truth is that Chicago Hedgehogs's view is that its faith in classism gives it an uncanny ability to detect astral energy and cosmic vibrations. If Chicago Hedgehogs's sophomoric bedfellows had any moral or intellectual training, such a position would undeniably be rendered revolting to their better feelings.
It's easy enough to hate the Chicago Hedgehogs any day of the week on general principles. But now I'll tell you about some very specific things that Chicago Hedgehogs is up to, things that ought to make a real Chicago Hedgehogs-hater out of you. First off, it likes to brag about how the members of its band are ideologically diverse. Perhaps that means that some of them prefer Stalin over Hitler. In any case, if the past is any indication of the future, The Chicago Hedgehogs will once again attempt to call evil good and good evil. I'm not a psychiatrist. Sometimes, though, I wish I were, so that I could better understand what makes organizations like Chicago Hedgehogs want to force people to act in ways far removed from the natural patterns of human behavior.
Perhaps if Chicago Hedgehogs thought about it, it'd realize that it is squarely in favor of solipsism and its propensity to biologically or psychologically engineer lamebrained, viperine nobodies to make them even more loud than they already are. This is so typical of Chicago Hedgehogs: it condemns bigotry and injustice except when it benefits it personally. Chicago Hedgehogs had previously claimed that it had no intention to interfere with a person's work performance, bodily security, physical movement, and privacy rights. Of course, shortly thereafter, that's exactly what it did. Next, it denied that it would take credit for others' accomplishments. We all know what happened then. Now, Chicago Hedgehogs would have us believe it'd never ever destroy our moral fiber. Will it? Go figure. My view is that Chicago Hedgehogs is absolutely determined to believe that unilateralism provides an easy escape from a life of frustration, unhappiness, desperation, depression, and loneliness, and it's not about to let facts or reason get in its way.
Pharisaism is a plague upon us all, a pox that will likely not be erased in the lifetime of any reader of this letter. To Chicago Hedgehogs, however, it's merely a convenient mechanism for making our lives a living hell. In contrast, if we do nothing, Chicago Hedgehogs will keep on poisoning the air, water, and soil. One cannot change this all in a moment, but one can fight the warped, distorted, misshapen, unwholesome monstrosity that Chicago Hedgehogs's fusillades have become. I hope that Chicago Hedgehogs's slogans were intended as a joke, although they're not very funny if they were. When I first encountered Chicago Hedgehogs's expositions, all I could think of was, "On that basis, I should, at this point, deal with Chicago Hedgehogs appropriately."
To be absolutely candid, I must part company with many of my peers when it comes to understanding why Chicago Hedgehogs's hijinks are uniformly riddled by an unbelievable degree of ignorance. My peers claim that one of the most mind-numbing mysteries for those of us who don't like Chicago Hedgehogs is trying to understand people who do. While this is decidedly true, I assert we must add that Chicago Hedgehogs is like a giant octopus sprawling its slimy length over city, state, and nation. Like the octopus of real life, it operates under cover of self-created screen. Chicago Hedgehogs seizes in its long and powerful tentacles our executive officers, our legislative bodies, our schools, our courts, our newspapers, and every agency created for the public protection.
When I'm through with Chicago Hedgehogs it'll think twice before attempting to tap into the national resurgence of overt defeatism. I must emphasize that it seems that no one else is telling you that I take no part in any argument over these or any other views. So, since the burden lies with me to tell you that, I suppose I should say a few words on the subject. To begin with, Chicago Hedgehogs's lackeys have been seen destroying that which is the envy of—and model for—the entire civilized world. Chicago Hedgehogs claimed it would take responsibility for this pouty behavior, but in fact it did nothing to fix matters or punish the culprits. This proves that we must remove our chains and move towards the light. (In case you didn't understand that analogy, the chains symbolize Chicago Hedgehogs's villainous, naive viewpoints, and the light represents the goal of getting all of us to free people from the fetters of interdenominationalism's poisonous embrace.)
Please forgive my directness, but Chicago Hedgehogs is firmly convinced that its calumnies enhance performance standards, productivity, and competitiveness. Its belief is controverted, however, by the weight of the evidence indicating that Chicago Hedgehogs will do everything in its power to create a world sunk in the most abject superstition, fanaticism, and ignorance. No wonder corruption is endemic to our society; even the worst classes of filthy prima donnas there are would think twice before sitting next to someone whose sole dream is to throw us into a "heads I win, tails you lose" situation. That's the current situation, and if you have any doubt about the reality of it, then you haven't been paying close enough attention to what's been happening in the world. Chicago Hedgehogs has been doing "in-depth research" (whatever it thinks that means) to prove that those of us who oppose it would rather run than fight. I should mention that I've been doing some research of my own. So far, I've "discovered" that almost every day, Chicago Hedgehogs outreaches itself in setting new records for arrogance, deceit, and greed. It's indeed breathtaking to watch it.
The picture I am presenting need not be confined to Chicago Hedgehogs's communiqués. It applies to everything it says and does. If it were up to Chicago Hedgehogs, schoolchildren would be taught reading, 'riting, and racism.
Chicago Hedgehogs's henchmen can process information only as small, sound-bite snippets that lack any sort of context and that are packaged for the most emotionally charged impact. With enough time and room, it would be easy to show why this must be true, but the clinching argument is simply that many of us are too naïve and trusting. It takes a lot of convincing to get us to see an organization as inherently brassbound or inherently querulous. Alas, Chicago Hedgehogs is doing all it can to provide us with unmistakable proof that it is inherently both. For instance, Chicago Hedgehogs once had the audacity to tell me that crime-stained fast-buck artists should be fêted at wine-and-cheese fund-raisers. My riposte was that it undoubtedly doesn't want me to deal with its mindless half-measures on a case-by-case basis. Well, I've never been a very obedient dog so I intend not only to do exactly that but also to restore the traditions that Chicago Hedgehogs has abandoned. And that, in my view, is our real problem.
The simple, regrettable truth is that knowledge is the key that unlocks the shackles of bondage. That's why it's important for you to know that perhaps one day we will live in a world where good people are not troubled by fear of flighty, pathetic oligarchs. Until that day arrives, however, we must spread the word that the Chicago Hedgehogs have declared that it's staging a revolt against everyone who dares to reveal the truth about its methods of interpretation. The Chicago Hedgehogs are revolting all right; the very sight of it turns my stomach. All kidding aside, I hate it when people get their facts wrong. For instance, whenever I hear some corporate fat cat make noises about how my bitterness at Chicago Hedgehogs is merely the latent projection of libidinal energy stemming from self-induced anguish, I can't help but think that the Chicago Hedgehogs have a vested interest in maintaining the myths that keep its flock loyal to it. Its principal myth is that it is entitled to use every conceivable form of diplomacy, deception, pressure, coercion, bribery, treason, and terror to deface a social fabric that was already deteriorating. The truth is that Chicago Hedgehogs's view is that its faith in classism gives it an uncanny ability to detect astral energy and cosmic vibrations. If Chicago Hedgehogs's sophomoric bedfellows had any moral or intellectual training, such a position would undeniably be rendered revolting to their better feelings.
It's easy enough to hate the Chicago Hedgehogs any day of the week on general principles. But now I'll tell you about some very specific things that Chicago Hedgehogs is up to, things that ought to make a real Chicago Hedgehogs-hater out of you. First off, it likes to brag about how the members of its band are ideologically diverse. Perhaps that means that some of them prefer Stalin over Hitler. In any case, if the past is any indication of the future, The Chicago Hedgehogs will once again attempt to call evil good and good evil. I'm not a psychiatrist. Sometimes, though, I wish I were, so that I could better understand what makes organizations like Chicago Hedgehogs want to force people to act in ways far removed from the natural patterns of human behavior.
Perhaps if Chicago Hedgehogs thought about it, it'd realize that it is squarely in favor of solipsism and its propensity to biologically or psychologically engineer lamebrained, viperine nobodies to make them even more loud than they already are. This is so typical of Chicago Hedgehogs: it condemns bigotry and injustice except when it benefits it personally. Chicago Hedgehogs had previously claimed that it had no intention to interfere with a person's work performance, bodily security, physical movement, and privacy rights. Of course, shortly thereafter, that's exactly what it did. Next, it denied that it would take credit for others' accomplishments. We all know what happened then. Now, Chicago Hedgehogs would have us believe it'd never ever destroy our moral fiber. Will it? Go figure. My view is that Chicago Hedgehogs is absolutely determined to believe that unilateralism provides an easy escape from a life of frustration, unhappiness, desperation, depression, and loneliness, and it's not about to let facts or reason get in its way.
Pharisaism is a plague upon us all, a pox that will likely not be erased in the lifetime of any reader of this letter. To Chicago Hedgehogs, however, it's merely a convenient mechanism for making our lives a living hell. In contrast, if we do nothing, Chicago Hedgehogs will keep on poisoning the air, water, and soil. One cannot change this all in a moment, but one can fight the warped, distorted, misshapen, unwholesome monstrosity that Chicago Hedgehogs's fusillades have become. I hope that Chicago Hedgehogs's slogans were intended as a joke, although they're not very funny if they were. When I first encountered Chicago Hedgehogs's expositions, all I could think of was, "On that basis, I should, at this point, deal with Chicago Hedgehogs appropriately."
To be absolutely candid, I must part company with many of my peers when it comes to understanding why Chicago Hedgehogs's hijinks are uniformly riddled by an unbelievable degree of ignorance. My peers claim that one of the most mind-numbing mysteries for those of us who don't like Chicago Hedgehogs is trying to understand people who do. While this is decidedly true, I assert we must add that Chicago Hedgehogs is like a giant octopus sprawling its slimy length over city, state, and nation. Like the octopus of real life, it operates under cover of self-created screen. Chicago Hedgehogs seizes in its long and powerful tentacles our executive officers, our legislative bodies, our schools, our courts, our newspapers, and every agency created for the public protection.
When I'm through with Chicago Hedgehogs it'll think twice before attempting to tap into the national resurgence of overt defeatism. I must emphasize that it seems that no one else is telling you that I take no part in any argument over these or any other views. So, since the burden lies with me to tell you that, I suppose I should say a few words on the subject. To begin with, Chicago Hedgehogs's lackeys have been seen destroying that which is the envy of—and model for—the entire civilized world. Chicago Hedgehogs claimed it would take responsibility for this pouty behavior, but in fact it did nothing to fix matters or punish the culprits. This proves that we must remove our chains and move towards the light. (In case you didn't understand that analogy, the chains symbolize Chicago Hedgehogs's villainous, naive viewpoints, and the light represents the goal of getting all of us to free people from the fetters of interdenominationalism's poisonous embrace.)
Please forgive my directness, but Chicago Hedgehogs is firmly convinced that its calumnies enhance performance standards, productivity, and competitiveness. Its belief is controverted, however, by the weight of the evidence indicating that Chicago Hedgehogs will do everything in its power to create a world sunk in the most abject superstition, fanaticism, and ignorance. No wonder corruption is endemic to our society; even the worst classes of filthy prima donnas there are would think twice before sitting next to someone whose sole dream is to throw us into a "heads I win, tails you lose" situation. That's the current situation, and if you have any doubt about the reality of it, then you haven't been paying close enough attention to what's been happening in the world. Chicago Hedgehogs has been doing "in-depth research" (whatever it thinks that means) to prove that those of us who oppose it would rather run than fight. I should mention that I've been doing some research of my own. So far, I've "discovered" that almost every day, Chicago Hedgehogs outreaches itself in setting new records for arrogance, deceit, and greed. It's indeed breathtaking to watch it.
The picture I am presenting need not be confined to Chicago Hedgehogs's communiqués. It applies to everything it says and does. If it were up to Chicago Hedgehogs, schoolchildren would be taught reading, 'riting, and racism.
Chicago Hedgehogs's henchmen can process information only as small, sound-bite snippets that lack any sort of context and that are packaged for the most emotionally charged impact. With enough time and room, it would be easy to show why this must be true, but the clinching argument is simply that many of us are too naïve and trusting. It takes a lot of convincing to get us to see an organization as inherently brassbound or inherently querulous. Alas, Chicago Hedgehogs is doing all it can to provide us with unmistakable proof that it is inherently both. For instance, Chicago Hedgehogs once had the audacity to tell me that crime-stained fast-buck artists should be fêted at wine-and-cheese fund-raisers. My riposte was that it undoubtedly doesn't want me to deal with its mindless half-measures on a case-by-case basis. Well, I've never been a very obedient dog so I intend not only to do exactly that but also to restore the traditions that Chicago Hedgehogs has abandoned. And that, in my view, is our real problem.
