Las Vegas White Tigers - Press Release #1 - Friday, September 10, 2010
Speaking from the headquarters of his vast biotechnology empire in a cardboard box [1] under a bridge, the enigmatic mogul Warhawk has announced the reformation [2] of the Las Vegas White Tigers, following a hiatus of 4 seasons. Communicating in mainly grunts and high-pitched whistles, Warhawk expressed hopes that the revived team might one day reach the lofty heights [3] it had once attained.
After a brief lunch at the headquarters, which consisted of a lovely cockroach ragout and half a sock, Warhawk then announce the signing of the first four players to the new team. [4] By sheer coincidence, three of the players in question have legally changed their names to those of minor, rather irrelevant characters from Mass Effect 2. The fourth, Thane Krios, is actually an alien. [5]
When asked about Warhawk's return to the world of football, Track6Track7, owner of the Ketchikan Kamper Adventure Rentals of USA Pro and alleged chum of Warhawk responded, "Who the **** is that?" [6]
Las Vegas' new stadium, christened The Tiger Pit [7], opened today with a grand tour for the 14 hobos and 6 tourists [8] in attendance. Reports that the Las Vegas Crime Scene Investigation team found a mass grave under the site have been called "spurious" and "unfounded" by the mayor. [9]
The team has launched its new home page [10], and encourages any football players, anyone who has played football, anyone who has ever watched a football game on television, and soccer players [11], to sign up at their recruitment office. [12]
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FOOTNOTES
[1] - Refrigerator, if anyone is curious.
[2] - Yes, we're splitting from the Catholic church.
[3] - As of this printing, reporters have been unable to confirm if maxing out at USA AAA and failing to win a championship despite 10 straight playoff appearances could really be considered "lofty". Donovan McNabb was unavailable for comment.
[4] - This is a footnote!
[5] - An anonymous league source confirmed that there is actually no rule that players must be human, and vehemently asserted that the league is opposed to discrimination in all its forms.
[6] - This is completely made up.
[7] - "Pit" being the operative word here.
[8] - They got lost.
[9] - Bull****
[10] - http://goallineblitz.com/game/team.pl?team_id=2752
[11] - We know who you are.
[12] - http://goallineblitz.com/game/forum_thread.pl?thread_id=4279474
Speaking from the headquarters of his vast biotechnology empire in a cardboard box [1] under a bridge, the enigmatic mogul Warhawk has announced the reformation [2] of the Las Vegas White Tigers, following a hiatus of 4 seasons. Communicating in mainly grunts and high-pitched whistles, Warhawk expressed hopes that the revived team might one day reach the lofty heights [3] it had once attained.
After a brief lunch at the headquarters, which consisted of a lovely cockroach ragout and half a sock, Warhawk then announce the signing of the first four players to the new team. [4] By sheer coincidence, three of the players in question have legally changed their names to those of minor, rather irrelevant characters from Mass Effect 2. The fourth, Thane Krios, is actually an alien. [5]
When asked about Warhawk's return to the world of football, Track6Track7, owner of the Ketchikan Kamper Adventure Rentals of USA Pro and alleged chum of Warhawk responded, "Who the **** is that?" [6]
Las Vegas' new stadium, christened The Tiger Pit [7], opened today with a grand tour for the 14 hobos and 6 tourists [8] in attendance. Reports that the Las Vegas Crime Scene Investigation team found a mass grave under the site have been called "spurious" and "unfounded" by the mayor. [9]
The team has launched its new home page [10], and encourages any football players, anyone who has played football, anyone who has ever watched a football game on television, and soccer players [11], to sign up at their recruitment office. [12]
------------
FOOTNOTES
[1] - Refrigerator, if anyone is curious.
[2] - Yes, we're splitting from the Catholic church.
[3] - As of this printing, reporters have been unable to confirm if maxing out at USA AAA and failing to win a championship despite 10 straight playoff appearances could really be considered "lofty". Donovan McNabb was unavailable for comment.
[4] - This is a footnote!
[5] - An anonymous league source confirmed that there is actually no rule that players must be human, and vehemently asserted that the league is opposed to discrimination in all its forms.
[6] - This is completely made up.
[7] - "Pit" being the operative word here.
[8] - They got lost.
[9] - Bull****
[10] - http://goallineblitz.com/game/team.pl?team_id=2752
[11] - We know who you are.
[12] - http://goallineblitz.com/game/forum_thread.pl?thread_id=4279474
Edited by Warhawk on Sep 10, 2010 10:09:49
Edited by Warhawk on Sep 10, 2010 10:09:05
