Patches Walks up to the Conference table and sits down. Patches is sporting some Bayou Bengals Warm ups with a Gilligan hat on his head and some 80's style Ray Ban Sunglasses!
Patches Shaking his head: This team has some major problems. I did not go from a pro league team to some piss ant AA league to lose ball games. I'm a TEam player and this is killing me.
Reporter from the London Times: Patches, HOw can you explain your past two performances for the Bengals and your teams 3 game skid. You were averaging 80 yards a game in the Eastern Europe Pro league and now you are averaging maybe 40 yards in AA ball.
Patches Sighs: Look I addressed last games issue's. This game our opponent acknowledged my skills and double teamed me all Night. They were smart. They know who the playmaker on this team is.
Amsterdam Reporter: So what your saying is Big Eyed Billy couldn't get you the ball.
Patches with tears running down his face in an angered voice: BiG Eye Billy is my Boy. HE IS MY QUARTERBACK. GET OFF HIS FACE! We understand each other now. I apologized after last week. He got better. He played his A$$ off tonight under pressure. He made good decisions. The Problem isn't Billy.
Media: Are you saying this so you can get more touches!
Patches Stands up and throws a wrench at the Media.
Patches: ARe you kidding me. I was Covered up all night and BIG EYE made the right reads. He got the ball to the right Reciever. OFFENSE WAS NOT THE PROBLEM TONIGHT! YOU TAKE AWAY A FUMBLE AND A COUPLE OF BLOWN PLAYS AND THIS GAME GOES EITHER WAY.
Times Reporter: So you are blaming the Defense.
Patches: All I"m saying is their was some questionable defensive schemes today. DE dropping back in zones, lb's in corner positions. I know a coach I played for that would have called a stout defensive scheme. Coach Adams!!!! He would have a teams tendencies down from the last 5 years. We are fine though with our guy. He will right the ship. Word is he implementing a Joe Lee Dunn D-Fence next week so look out.
Munich Tribune: Rumors are their is some dissention in your locker room with the WR Corp. Rumors state Nate Hayes is jockeying for a starting role and Joseph Rogers might increase his skills over yours!
Patches stands up: PATCHES O'HOULIHAN IS THE MAN AND WILL ALWAYS BE THE MAN! PATCHES O'HOULIHAN IS DOUBLE AND TRIPLE TEAMED AND STILL MAKES PLAYES. ROGERS CAN TRAIN HIS WHOLE LIFE AND NOT GAIN THE SKILLS OF PATCHES! THE ONLY REASON NATE HAYES GETS WHAT HE GETS IS BECAUSE HALF THE FIELD IS GUARDING PATCHES O HOULIHAN. HAYES SHOULD BE THANKING O'HOULIHAN FOR HIS PRODUCTION. ROGERS TOO. LOOK I'M NOT TAKING ANYTHING AWAY FROM THESE GUYS. I HONESTLLY FEEL WE HAVE THE BEST WR CORP IN THE LEAGUE AND WE ALL CONTRIBUTE TO EACH OTHERS STRENGHTS AND WEAKNESS'. WE ARE SLOWLY GETTING ON TRACK WITH BILLY. YOU HATERS WILL SEE. WE WILL WIN OUR NEXT GAME OR I'LL GLADLY GIVE UP MY STARTING POSITION IF THE COACHES DEEM IT NECESSARY.
Patches: I'm tired of this crap! (Patches storms out)
Patches Shaking his head: This team has some major problems. I did not go from a pro league team to some piss ant AA league to lose ball games. I'm a TEam player and this is killing me.
Reporter from the London Times: Patches, HOw can you explain your past two performances for the Bengals and your teams 3 game skid. You were averaging 80 yards a game in the Eastern Europe Pro league and now you are averaging maybe 40 yards in AA ball.
Patches Sighs: Look I addressed last games issue's. This game our opponent acknowledged my skills and double teamed me all Night. They were smart. They know who the playmaker on this team is.
Amsterdam Reporter: So what your saying is Big Eyed Billy couldn't get you the ball.
Patches with tears running down his face in an angered voice: BiG Eye Billy is my Boy. HE IS MY QUARTERBACK. GET OFF HIS FACE! We understand each other now. I apologized after last week. He got better. He played his A$$ off tonight under pressure. He made good decisions. The Problem isn't Billy.
Media: Are you saying this so you can get more touches!
Patches Stands up and throws a wrench at the Media.
Patches: ARe you kidding me. I was Covered up all night and BIG EYE made the right reads. He got the ball to the right Reciever. OFFENSE WAS NOT THE PROBLEM TONIGHT! YOU TAKE AWAY A FUMBLE AND A COUPLE OF BLOWN PLAYS AND THIS GAME GOES EITHER WAY.
Times Reporter: So you are blaming the Defense.
Patches: All I"m saying is their was some questionable defensive schemes today. DE dropping back in zones, lb's in corner positions. I know a coach I played for that would have called a stout defensive scheme. Coach Adams!!!! He would have a teams tendencies down from the last 5 years. We are fine though with our guy. He will right the ship. Word is he implementing a Joe Lee Dunn D-Fence next week so look out.
Munich Tribune: Rumors are their is some dissention in your locker room with the WR Corp. Rumors state Nate Hayes is jockeying for a starting role and Joseph Rogers might increase his skills over yours!
Patches stands up: PATCHES O'HOULIHAN IS THE MAN AND WILL ALWAYS BE THE MAN! PATCHES O'HOULIHAN IS DOUBLE AND TRIPLE TEAMED AND STILL MAKES PLAYES. ROGERS CAN TRAIN HIS WHOLE LIFE AND NOT GAIN THE SKILLS OF PATCHES! THE ONLY REASON NATE HAYES GETS WHAT HE GETS IS BECAUSE HALF THE FIELD IS GUARDING PATCHES O HOULIHAN. HAYES SHOULD BE THANKING O'HOULIHAN FOR HIS PRODUCTION. ROGERS TOO. LOOK I'M NOT TAKING ANYTHING AWAY FROM THESE GUYS. I HONESTLLY FEEL WE HAVE THE BEST WR CORP IN THE LEAGUE AND WE ALL CONTRIBUTE TO EACH OTHERS STRENGHTS AND WEAKNESS'. WE ARE SLOWLY GETTING ON TRACK WITH BILLY. YOU HATERS WILL SEE. WE WILL WIN OUR NEXT GAME OR I'LL GLADLY GIVE UP MY STARTING POSITION IF THE COACHES DEEM IT NECESSARY.
Patches: I'm tired of this crap! (Patches storms out)
