TOFINO (AP) - The hills are alive with the sound of newborns.
After the Hoboken Sugarbuzz took a tour of the town, a sudden spike in new pregnancies has taken the town - and its obstetricians - by storm.
"I don't want to say there's a correlation," said Tofino mayor Nester Kuhkolde. "I don't want to think that these Buzz or whatever they are had something to do with it. I want to think this is just a coincidence."
"We're not concentrating on anything but football right now," said Tofino Drunken Hobos owner and head coach Sean Bishop, while walking to his Hummer H2 in the parking lot of the Westgate Gun Club. "Our only goal is to win. We're not concerned about women."
An attempt was made to interview Jemetrius Chess, quarterback of the Hobos, but all questions were responded to with stuttering and "no comment".
On the other side of things, however, the story was different.
"I haven't seen that much action since my rookie year," boasted Stench Stumps, cornerback for the Hoboken Sugarbuzz. "It's like the women in that town haven't seen a real man since the '70s. Half of them hadn't seen a razor since then, from the looks of it."
"I think it just has to do with motivation," said Red Machine D, head coach of the Sugarbuzz. "If the guys know they're going to be coming into this town and having any woman they want, they're going to be relaxed, they're going to be loose, they're going to have a lot less stress and pressure. Their performance on the field reflects that."
The performance doesn't lie. The Sugarbuzz went undefeated last season before losing to the Randam Axe of Kindness in Taos, New Mexico, a town described by Sugarbuzz punter Broadway Danny Stumps as "having more dykes than Scandinavia", and by Sugarbuzz fullback Ricky Caldwell as "garbage".
But what about the pregnancies? Is there a correlation?
"We had a tough choice in the offseason," Red Machine D remarked. "We had to choose between refreshing the condom budget, or buying everyone on the team a Bugatti Veyron."
It is worth noting that, following the interview, Red Machine D drove away in a red Bugatti Veyron.
After the Hoboken Sugarbuzz took a tour of the town, a sudden spike in new pregnancies has taken the town - and its obstetricians - by storm.
"I don't want to say there's a correlation," said Tofino mayor Nester Kuhkolde. "I don't want to think that these Buzz or whatever they are had something to do with it. I want to think this is just a coincidence."
"We're not concentrating on anything but football right now," said Tofino Drunken Hobos owner and head coach Sean Bishop, while walking to his Hummer H2 in the parking lot of the Westgate Gun Club. "Our only goal is to win. We're not concerned about women."
An attempt was made to interview Jemetrius Chess, quarterback of the Hobos, but all questions were responded to with stuttering and "no comment".
On the other side of things, however, the story was different.
"I haven't seen that much action since my rookie year," boasted Stench Stumps, cornerback for the Hoboken Sugarbuzz. "It's like the women in that town haven't seen a real man since the '70s. Half of them hadn't seen a razor since then, from the looks of it."
"I think it just has to do with motivation," said Red Machine D, head coach of the Sugarbuzz. "If the guys know they're going to be coming into this town and having any woman they want, they're going to be relaxed, they're going to be loose, they're going to have a lot less stress and pressure. Their performance on the field reflects that."
The performance doesn't lie. The Sugarbuzz went undefeated last season before losing to the Randam Axe of Kindness in Taos, New Mexico, a town described by Sugarbuzz punter Broadway Danny Stumps as "having more dykes than Scandinavia", and by Sugarbuzz fullback Ricky Caldwell as "garbage".
But what about the pregnancies? Is there a correlation?
"We had a tough choice in the offseason," Red Machine D remarked. "We had to choose between refreshing the condom budget, or buying everyone on the team a Bugatti Veyron."
It is worth noting that, following the interview, Red Machine D drove away in a red Bugatti Veyron.
