How the West was Won - Week Five
Well, tempting fate again and being rewarded with my second straight 8-0 mark, I was nervous doing this again. But good things tend to come in threes, maybe this will too. Maybe I'll bowl a turkey, who knows.
OK, here we go, working from the top down:
GAME OF THE WEEK: #1 Big Whiskey Assassins vs #8 Wellsboro Crawling Chaos, at The Breeding Pit:
Big Whiskey showed the Red Dawn crew how a real turf battle's supposed to go. Wellsboro managed to do what Baltimore won't this weekend: walk out of Nashville with a win.
Big Whiskey looks like the class of the West along with INYA ONYA and Phoenix. This week will not do much to dispel that vicious rumor. Big Whiskey 51-6.
#9 Gardner Paraplegics vs #2 INYA ONYA, at IROC Stadium:
Both teams are coming off impressive, 83+ point victories over Seattle and Bunghole, respectively.
I'm a bit of a shameless frontrunner, so it's hard for me to pick against the undefeated team. So I won't. INYA ONYA 41-27.
#3 Phoenix Scorpions vs #12 Seattle Grand Cru, at Grand Cru Stadium:
Phoenix got a challenge for a half from the Lumberjacks, even going to the locker room trailing at halftime, but put it together in the second to pull away. Seattle got crushed by a bunch of torsos.
Phoenix is undefeated. Seattle scores as many points as the Sonics do. (Oh..wait...nope, I'm still right.) Phoenix 106-14.
#10 Bunghole Liquors vs #4 Oregon Orangutans, at The Zoo:
Bunghole got...well, plugged by INYA ONYA. The Orangutans swung from the trees and mauled Lubbock, a neat trick in a desert town without trees.
Liquors try to get the other team drunk and crazy and then win. The Orangutans are crazy, sober or not, so liquor won't affect their play all that much. Oregon O. 51-17.
#5 Big Money Dynasty vs #15 Pittstown Pirate Hookers, at The Hookers Den:
Big Money looked scary in an efficient shutout of their archrival Buccaneers. Pittstown's pirate ship got sunk by the USS Lexington.
The Dynasty is not flashy. They won't beat you with stats. They just do what they have to do to win. Normally, you'd think Money and Hookers get along, but thanks to Eliot Spitzer that's no longer possible. This is also Big Money's first game against a team that has neither a .500 + record or a matchup rating above 39. (In other words, they haven't played gimme games yet.) This will be their first, and they should make the most of it. Big Money 87-10.
#6 Lexington Lynx vs #7 Oregon Lumberjacks, at Lincoln Log Stadium:
Lexington beat the hell out of the Hookers. Oregon fought hard for a while, but fell to the Scorpions.
Not much funny about this one. Lynx invade the logging camp and wreak havok on the Lumberjacks. The factories go dark again. Lexington 41-20.
#13 Nashville Isotopes vs #11 Baton Rouge Buccaneers, at The Pirates Cove:
Nashville was less competitive than I thought they'd be against Wellsboro. Baton Rouge was on the short end of a shocking blowout shutout at the hands of the Big Money Dynasty.
The Bucs are embarassed. More importantly, the Bucs are angry. Add to that, they sent out for wenches and instead get scientist Elvis impersonators. As Jack would say, "Where's the rum gone?" Wait, that's not right. I mean, as Jack would say, "Not good." Baton Rouge 71-10.
#14 Wolverhampton Wolverines at #16 Lubbock Red Raiders, at Jones Stadium:
Stop me if you have heard this: Wolverhampton is coming off a loss. And Lubbock is coming off a blowout loss of their own. OK, you should have stopped me several times by now.
Well...SOMEBODY's gotta win this. I predict Lubbock's punter falls on a fumbled snap in the end zone (even though it was Wolverhampton kicking it) and wins it at home. Lubbock 7- (-3).
Last week's record: 8-0
Season Record: 21-3
Pick: Big Whiskey 133, Wolverhampton 0; Actual: Big Whiskey 140, Wolverhampton 27
Pick: INYA ONYA 49, Bunghole 24; Actual: INYA ONYA 83, Bunghole 0
Pick: Phoenix 41, Oregon L. 38; Actual: Phoenix 55, Oregon L. 28
Pick: Big Money 24, Baton Rouge 21; Actual: Big Money 58, Baton Rouge 0
Pick: Oregon O. 117, Lubbock 3; Actual: Oregon O. 153, Lubbock 7
Pick: Lexington 95, Pittstown 7; Actual: Lexington 118, Pittstown 0
Pick: Wellsboro 51, Nashville 20; Actual: Wellsboro 86, Nashville 3
Pick: Gardner 73, Seattle 10; Actual: Gardner 104, Seattle 7
Well, tempting fate again and being rewarded with my second straight 8-0 mark, I was nervous doing this again. But good things tend to come in threes, maybe this will too. Maybe I'll bowl a turkey, who knows.
OK, here we go, working from the top down:
GAME OF THE WEEK: #1 Big Whiskey Assassins vs #8 Wellsboro Crawling Chaos, at The Breeding Pit:
Big Whiskey showed the Red Dawn crew how a real turf battle's supposed to go. Wellsboro managed to do what Baltimore won't this weekend: walk out of Nashville with a win.
Big Whiskey looks like the class of the West along with INYA ONYA and Phoenix. This week will not do much to dispel that vicious rumor. Big Whiskey 51-6.
#9 Gardner Paraplegics vs #2 INYA ONYA, at IROC Stadium:
Both teams are coming off impressive, 83+ point victories over Seattle and Bunghole, respectively.
I'm a bit of a shameless frontrunner, so it's hard for me to pick against the undefeated team. So I won't. INYA ONYA 41-27.
#3 Phoenix Scorpions vs #12 Seattle Grand Cru, at Grand Cru Stadium:
Phoenix got a challenge for a half from the Lumberjacks, even going to the locker room trailing at halftime, but put it together in the second to pull away. Seattle got crushed by a bunch of torsos.
Phoenix is undefeated. Seattle scores as many points as the Sonics do. (Oh..wait...nope, I'm still right.) Phoenix 106-14.
#10 Bunghole Liquors vs #4 Oregon Orangutans, at The Zoo:
Bunghole got...well, plugged by INYA ONYA. The Orangutans swung from the trees and mauled Lubbock, a neat trick in a desert town without trees.
Liquors try to get the other team drunk and crazy and then win. The Orangutans are crazy, sober or not, so liquor won't affect their play all that much. Oregon O. 51-17.
#5 Big Money Dynasty vs #15 Pittstown Pirate Hookers, at The Hookers Den:
Big Money looked scary in an efficient shutout of their archrival Buccaneers. Pittstown's pirate ship got sunk by the USS Lexington.
The Dynasty is not flashy. They won't beat you with stats. They just do what they have to do to win. Normally, you'd think Money and Hookers get along, but thanks to Eliot Spitzer that's no longer possible. This is also Big Money's first game against a team that has neither a .500 + record or a matchup rating above 39. (In other words, they haven't played gimme games yet.) This will be their first, and they should make the most of it. Big Money 87-10.
#6 Lexington Lynx vs #7 Oregon Lumberjacks, at Lincoln Log Stadium:
Lexington beat the hell out of the Hookers. Oregon fought hard for a while, but fell to the Scorpions.
Not much funny about this one. Lynx invade the logging camp and wreak havok on the Lumberjacks. The factories go dark again. Lexington 41-20.
#13 Nashville Isotopes vs #11 Baton Rouge Buccaneers, at The Pirates Cove:
Nashville was less competitive than I thought they'd be against Wellsboro. Baton Rouge was on the short end of a shocking blowout shutout at the hands of the Big Money Dynasty.
The Bucs are embarassed. More importantly, the Bucs are angry. Add to that, they sent out for wenches and instead get scientist Elvis impersonators. As Jack would say, "Where's the rum gone?" Wait, that's not right. I mean, as Jack would say, "Not good." Baton Rouge 71-10.
#14 Wolverhampton Wolverines at #16 Lubbock Red Raiders, at Jones Stadium:
Stop me if you have heard this: Wolverhampton is coming off a loss. And Lubbock is coming off a blowout loss of their own. OK, you should have stopped me several times by now.
Well...SOMEBODY's gotta win this. I predict Lubbock's punter falls on a fumbled snap in the end zone (even though it was Wolverhampton kicking it) and wins it at home. Lubbock 7- (-3).
Last week's record: 8-0
Season Record: 21-3
Pick: Big Whiskey 133, Wolverhampton 0; Actual: Big Whiskey 140, Wolverhampton 27
Pick: INYA ONYA 49, Bunghole 24; Actual: INYA ONYA 83, Bunghole 0
Pick: Phoenix 41, Oregon L. 38; Actual: Phoenix 55, Oregon L. 28
Pick: Big Money 24, Baton Rouge 21; Actual: Big Money 58, Baton Rouge 0
Pick: Oregon O. 117, Lubbock 3; Actual: Oregon O. 153, Lubbock 7
Pick: Lexington 95, Pittstown 7; Actual: Lexington 118, Pittstown 0
Pick: Wellsboro 51, Nashville 20; Actual: Wellsboro 86, Nashville 3
Pick: Gardner 73, Seattle 10; Actual: Gardner 104, Seattle 7
Last edited Jan 8, 2009 19:42:17
....thanks for the air time 
