How the West was Won - Week Three
OK, Week Three on the schedule, but week two in your hearts.
OK, here we go, working from the top down:
#12 Nashville Isotopes vs #1 Big Whiskey Assassins, at Wu Tang Arena:
Big Whiskey did a fabulous job of playing pitch and catch with the TE up the middle of the field all game last week, and the Dynasty were ill-equipped to do anything about it, smoking Big Money 61-17. Nashville ended their season-plus losing streak last week, stopping Wolverhampton 27-17.
Enjoy the feeling, Isotopes, because I don't see it lasting long. The Big Whiskey Air Show continues on, with a nuclear fission of the Isotopes defense, 98-3.
#14 Lubbock Red Raiders vs #2 INYA ONYA, at IROC Stadium:
INYA ONYA showed a better fight than I gave them credit for last week, throwing the Orangutans' poo back at them and winning 33-12. Lubbock more closely resembles the Raider team that got owned in Oklahoma than the team that shocked Texas, losing 51-3 to the Grand Cru.
Bad news Lubbock, as it's about to get worse. INYA ONYA is gonna RUNYA OVERYA, 73-7.
#3 Phoenix Scorpions vs #15 Pittstown Pirate Hookers, at The Hookers Den:
Steve Nash's boys stung the Buccaneers, 47-16, while Pittstown got beat by a team with no working arms or legs, 51-13.
Maybe the Scorpions will be distracted by all the...well, distractions The Hookers Den has to offer. More likely, though, the Scorpions give the Hookers a stinging sensation to go along with the burning. 63-10 Phoenix.
GAME OF THE WEEK: #4 Lexington Lynx vs #8 Baton Rouge Buccaneers, at The Pirate's Cove:
The Lynx managed to hold together (see what I did there?
) and shut out Wellsboro, by a symbolic 69-0 score. Baton Rouge is busy repairing the holes in their boat with rum bottle corks after their game with the Scorpions above.
I don't think this will be as bad of a blowout as it looks on paper. But I still think Lexington walks away with this one 41-17. But the Bucs will wake up with a hangover the next day and not remember any of it, so it won't be too bad.
#13 Wolverhampton Wolverines vs #5 Oregon Orangutans, at The Zoo:
Wolverhampton missed a chance to stop their long, long losing streak last week when Nashville beat them. They'll get another chance in a couple of games, but I don't see it happening here. Oregon is going to be...well, not very happy after losing to INYA ONYA.
I think they take out their frustrations on a team that more and more resembles their Michigan namesakes every day. 81-6 Oregon.
#6 Big Money Dynasty vs #7 Wellsboro Crawling Chaos, at The Breeding Pit:
Big Money suffered one of their stranger losses in recent memory. Their backup HB, for some reason, was their primary HB despite being #2 on the chart. Their defense, for some reason, never figured out Big Whiskey's passing game, which consisted for the most part of just throwing it up the middle to the TE. (Wouldn't have mattered much, they were outclassed anyway.) So after slapping the DC around with a wad of $100s, the Dynasty gets back to work this week against Wellsboro. Team Cloverfield (check their logo) is coming off getting sunk by the USS Lexington.
Sorry Wellsboro, but the Chaos is in for a bad ride. The Dynasty is both rich and angry, and that's never a good combination. I hate picking myself to win as I am not the bragging type, but I think the BMD pays the bills this week, 49-20.
#11 Gardner Paraplegics vs #9 Oregon Lumberjacks, at Lincoln Log Stadium:
Oregon drank Bunghole's Liquor and didn't even flinch last week (as Lumberjacks are apt to do), 49-6. Gardner is coming off beating Pittstown with thier torsos alone as mentioned above.
This one is simple; follow the logic. Lumberjacks cut down trees. The wood from the trees is sent to distribution centers. These centers send them to factories. These factories make wooden appendeges for Paraplegics to use or pass off as real arms/legs. This week, the Lumberjacks don't cut down the trees, distribution centers don't get their wood, the factories don't get to make the wooden appendeges, and the Paraplegics won't have a leg to stand on this week. Lumberjacks 31-17.
#16 Bunghole Liquors vs #10 Seattle Grand Cru, at Grand Cru Stadium:
The Liquors got sobered up by the Lumberjacks as mentioned above, while the Grand Cru pulled a drive-by on Lubbock.
Not a whole lot to say here. While 0-2, Bunghole's Punter has a higher level than any Seattle player. That should say it all right there. The Liquors get their stagger...er, swagger back this week, winning 38-20.
Last week's record: 5-3
Season Record: 5-3
Pick: Whiskey 59 - 21 - Money; actual: Whiskey 61 - 17 Money
Pick: Orangutans 41 - 28 INYA ONYA; actual: INYA ONYA 33 - 12 Orangutans
Pick: Lynx 77 - 3 Chaos; actual: Lynx 69 - 0 Chaos
Pick: Scorpions 48 - 31 Buccaneers; actual: Scorpions 47 - 16 Buccaneers
Pick: Lumberjacks 38 - 10 Liquors; actual: Lumberjacks 49 - 6 Liquors
Pick: Wolverines 27 - 21 Isotopes; actual: Isotopes 27 - 17 Wolverines
Pick: Lubbock 31 - 20 Seattle; actual: Seattle 51 -3 Lubbock
OK, Week Three on the schedule, but week two in your hearts.
OK, here we go, working from the top down:
#12 Nashville Isotopes vs #1 Big Whiskey Assassins, at Wu Tang Arena:
Big Whiskey did a fabulous job of playing pitch and catch with the TE up the middle of the field all game last week, and the Dynasty were ill-equipped to do anything about it, smoking Big Money 61-17. Nashville ended their season-plus losing streak last week, stopping Wolverhampton 27-17.
Enjoy the feeling, Isotopes, because I don't see it lasting long. The Big Whiskey Air Show continues on, with a nuclear fission of the Isotopes defense, 98-3.
#14 Lubbock Red Raiders vs #2 INYA ONYA, at IROC Stadium:
INYA ONYA showed a better fight than I gave them credit for last week, throwing the Orangutans' poo back at them and winning 33-12. Lubbock more closely resembles the Raider team that got owned in Oklahoma than the team that shocked Texas, losing 51-3 to the Grand Cru.
Bad news Lubbock, as it's about to get worse. INYA ONYA is gonna RUNYA OVERYA, 73-7.
#3 Phoenix Scorpions vs #15 Pittstown Pirate Hookers, at The Hookers Den:
Steve Nash's boys stung the Buccaneers, 47-16, while Pittstown got beat by a team with no working arms or legs, 51-13.
Maybe the Scorpions will be distracted by all the...well, distractions The Hookers Den has to offer. More likely, though, the Scorpions give the Hookers a stinging sensation to go along with the burning. 63-10 Phoenix.
GAME OF THE WEEK: #4 Lexington Lynx vs #8 Baton Rouge Buccaneers, at The Pirate's Cove:
The Lynx managed to hold together (see what I did there?
) and shut out Wellsboro, by a symbolic 69-0 score. Baton Rouge is busy repairing the holes in their boat with rum bottle corks after their game with the Scorpions above.I don't think this will be as bad of a blowout as it looks on paper. But I still think Lexington walks away with this one 41-17. But the Bucs will wake up with a hangover the next day and not remember any of it, so it won't be too bad.
#13 Wolverhampton Wolverines vs #5 Oregon Orangutans, at The Zoo:
Wolverhampton missed a chance to stop their long, long losing streak last week when Nashville beat them. They'll get another chance in a couple of games, but I don't see it happening here. Oregon is going to be...well, not very happy after losing to INYA ONYA.
I think they take out their frustrations on a team that more and more resembles their Michigan namesakes every day. 81-6 Oregon.
#6 Big Money Dynasty vs #7 Wellsboro Crawling Chaos, at The Breeding Pit:
Big Money suffered one of their stranger losses in recent memory. Their backup HB, for some reason, was their primary HB despite being #2 on the chart. Their defense, for some reason, never figured out Big Whiskey's passing game, which consisted for the most part of just throwing it up the middle to the TE. (Wouldn't have mattered much, they were outclassed anyway.) So after slapping the DC around with a wad of $100s, the Dynasty gets back to work this week against Wellsboro. Team Cloverfield (check their logo) is coming off getting sunk by the USS Lexington.
Sorry Wellsboro, but the Chaos is in for a bad ride. The Dynasty is both rich and angry, and that's never a good combination. I hate picking myself to win as I am not the bragging type, but I think the BMD pays the bills this week, 49-20.
#11 Gardner Paraplegics vs #9 Oregon Lumberjacks, at Lincoln Log Stadium:
Oregon drank Bunghole's Liquor and didn't even flinch last week (as Lumberjacks are apt to do), 49-6. Gardner is coming off beating Pittstown with thier torsos alone as mentioned above.
This one is simple; follow the logic. Lumberjacks cut down trees. The wood from the trees is sent to distribution centers. These centers send them to factories. These factories make wooden appendeges for Paraplegics to use or pass off as real arms/legs. This week, the Lumberjacks don't cut down the trees, distribution centers don't get their wood, the factories don't get to make the wooden appendeges, and the Paraplegics won't have a leg to stand on this week. Lumberjacks 31-17.
#16 Bunghole Liquors vs #10 Seattle Grand Cru, at Grand Cru Stadium:
The Liquors got sobered up by the Lumberjacks as mentioned above, while the Grand Cru pulled a drive-by on Lubbock.
Not a whole lot to say here. While 0-2, Bunghole's Punter has a higher level than any Seattle player. That should say it all right there. The Liquors get their stagger...er, swagger back this week, winning 38-20.
Last week's record: 5-3
Season Record: 5-3
Pick: Whiskey 59 - 21 - Money; actual: Whiskey 61 - 17 Money
Pick: Orangutans 41 - 28 INYA ONYA; actual: INYA ONYA 33 - 12 Orangutans
Pick: Lynx 77 - 3 Chaos; actual: Lynx 69 - 0 Chaos
Pick: Scorpions 48 - 31 Buccaneers; actual: Scorpions 47 - 16 Buccaneers
Pick: Lumberjacks 38 - 10 Liquors; actual: Lumberjacks 49 - 6 Liquors
Pick: Wolverines 27 - 21 Isotopes; actual: Isotopes 27 - 17 Wolverines
Pick: Lubbock 31 - 20 Seattle; actual: Seattle 51 -3 Lubbock
Last edited Jan 5, 2009 14:31:25
