Playoff-bound Tricity Cardinals quarterback Eli Spiderpig has issued a public plea to love-struck tennis star Anna Kournikova. "Please, for the love of all that is pure and sweet in this world, stop stalking me. Stop phoning me. Stop breaking into my house. And for heaven's sake, please stop sending me nude photos of yourself. You need help!" an exasperated Spiderpig told reporters at his team's post-game presser.
A Kournikova pal told this reporter that the Russian tennis star has had a long-time crush on the young stud QB, and dumped boyfriend George Clooney once she found about about Spiderpig's recent breakup with Ashley Simpson. Fans may remember the brouhaha that erupted earlier this month when Cardinals defensive end Chunky Money publicly criticized his QB for vacationing with Simpson in Tijuana. Mexico before a big game - a game the Cards ended up losing. In the wake of the controversy, Simpson dumped Spiderpig.
Since the breakup, Eli Spiderpig has received a slew of phone calls and notes from women, and has even received an offer for a reality TV series. But he has assured his coach and teammates that he is committed to preparing for the playoffs, and that women are the last thing on his mind right now. But the constant attention from Kournikova has made it difficult to concentrate. "She obviously doesn't know the kind of preparation it takes to be a winner, because - to be blunt - she has never won anything in her life. But I need to be left alone" Spiderpig told reporters as he left the teamlocker room.
A Kournikova pal told this reporter that the Russian tennis star has had a long-time crush on the young stud QB, and dumped boyfriend George Clooney once she found about about Spiderpig's recent breakup with Ashley Simpson. Fans may remember the brouhaha that erupted earlier this month when Cardinals defensive end Chunky Money publicly criticized his QB for vacationing with Simpson in Tijuana. Mexico before a big game - a game the Cards ended up losing. In the wake of the controversy, Simpson dumped Spiderpig.
Since the breakup, Eli Spiderpig has received a slew of phone calls and notes from women, and has even received an offer for a reality TV series. But he has assured his coach and teammates that he is committed to preparing for the playoffs, and that women are the last thing on his mind right now. But the constant attention from Kournikova has made it difficult to concentrate. "She obviously doesn't know the kind of preparation it takes to be a winner, because - to be blunt - she has never won anything in her life. But I need to be left alone" Spiderpig told reporters as he left the teamlocker room.
Last edited Apr 11, 2008 14:10:13
