This is the USA Playoff First Round Breakdown via your host bhall!
Starting with the LEAST
#4 Oakland Suppressors vs. #5 Washington Extreme
In their first meeting 3 weeks prior, the Extreme spilled their nacho cheese on their crotch and took their eye off the prize. In preparation for this first round matchup, Oakland has supplied the nachos for Extreme this time. Expect a low to middle scoring affair. I don't even know what the means. But that is how I am calling it. I'll take Oakland -6.
#3 Denver Giant 9'ers vs. #6 Tennessee Fury
In their meeting earlier this season Denver deployed wiener tactics to fight off the Fury. Typical Elway fashion....I am gonna cut to the chase...I hate Denver and hope a large meteor barrels down from space and hits them and only them. It will only be then in which I truly believe there is a god. A god of tits and wine. Denver probably favored -6 but ill take the Fury by a fist.
#2 All The Kings Men vs. #7 Hugos Death Squad
I honestly don't know what to make of the Hugo's team just hitting level 79 but I can't say they have really faced much of a challenge since mid season. All the Kings Men have been one of two odds on favorites to take the East all season so I can't imagine much trouble kicking ass here. King me -14.
#1 Nashville Hounds vs. #8 Atlantic City Affliction
Atlantic City has off and on shown some defense and lack there of all season long. On the bright side they fell into my top 16 list to end the season, but on the not so bright side the train stops here. But hey...YOU ARE ATLANTIC CITY BITCH. PARTY IT UP! Country Hounds -20
aaaaand now...for yoooooour USA BEEEEEST.....
At the #4 spot, hanging his hat on multiple World League titles and always remembered for starting the Wang dynasty by miscovering Frank Wang....Dpride59 is the Best vs. #5 It almost seems to be a scripted placement for a team named the 5th Masterminds
Shalubis signed on the other day. So thats a sign of a possible wake and bake for the 5th pleaders. Dpride seems a bit more active as of late too...Maybe he is beginning to get pissed off by his doubters of the What have you done for me lately club? I expect a battle of offense to be honest. A couple of previous champs here. I'll take Dpride besting a -3.
In the Central/Southwestern/Minnesotanice/Canada/Hick/Country shit music bracket we have the #3 Favre's Dong Energy sext pick takers Minnesota Junk Mailers vs. the #6 DAWG the gator hunting have sexual relations with your cousin in a trailer South Georgia Growl
Last time these 2 faced off the Junk Mailers deployed nachos and took that contest by a grand total of 6. First of all after explaining the Junk Mailer name to me, it would only make sense that you deploy Hot Dogs upon every opponent you meet. Second...there is probably NASCAR on that day so don't worry about South Georgia. It is in the bag. Mail it in -6.
And over in the eastern ghetto of St. Louis where all they do is burn rubbers because they are always partying over the memories of being 2 times World League Champions it will be the #2 East St. Louis Tire Fires vs. the #7 guys who dress in polo's and swill wine while they have their fondue book club meetings Austin Wineswilling Fancy Boys
Generally I would feel pretty laid back about a first round Pro playoff matchup but last season my AI was too complacent and this means I should probably take a break from watching those Moon League games and check out some planet Earth opponents. Austin was able to score some points on the Second cumming of a Trombone in their first meeting and I am even worried about Rusty's care for this game at this point. But I still gotta feel a W in this one. Tire Fire 4 lyfe -10.
And in the main event we got yo DS naughty sister by nature potential WL champions but still just a bridesmaid my names MOJAMES BITCH #1 Cincinnati Shockers vs. I watch Family guy for dat furry little evil demon of a monkey and will fuck your face if you tell me that longhornfan doesn't build da best CB's in all da land #8 Monmouth Evil Monkeys
I would genuinely be surprised if this game was within 20 points. DS mad and da monkeys just barely survived irrelevancy this season. Don't let joemiken fool you...that isn't George Clooney standing behind you, it is just distraction for da SHOCKER -20.
Starting with the LEAST
#4 Oakland Suppressors vs. #5 Washington Extreme
In their first meeting 3 weeks prior, the Extreme spilled their nacho cheese on their crotch and took their eye off the prize. In preparation for this first round matchup, Oakland has supplied the nachos for Extreme this time. Expect a low to middle scoring affair. I don't even know what the means. But that is how I am calling it. I'll take Oakland -6.
#3 Denver Giant 9'ers vs. #6 Tennessee Fury
In their meeting earlier this season Denver deployed wiener tactics to fight off the Fury. Typical Elway fashion....I am gonna cut to the chase...I hate Denver and hope a large meteor barrels down from space and hits them and only them. It will only be then in which I truly believe there is a god. A god of tits and wine. Denver probably favored -6 but ill take the Fury by a fist.
#2 All The Kings Men vs. #7 Hugos Death Squad
I honestly don't know what to make of the Hugo's team just hitting level 79 but I can't say they have really faced much of a challenge since mid season. All the Kings Men have been one of two odds on favorites to take the East all season so I can't imagine much trouble kicking ass here. King me -14.
#1 Nashville Hounds vs. #8 Atlantic City Affliction
Atlantic City has off and on shown some defense and lack there of all season long. On the bright side they fell into my top 16 list to end the season, but on the not so bright side the train stops here. But hey...YOU ARE ATLANTIC CITY BITCH. PARTY IT UP! Country Hounds -20
aaaaand now...for yoooooour USA BEEEEEST.....
At the #4 spot, hanging his hat on multiple World League titles and always remembered for starting the Wang dynasty by miscovering Frank Wang....Dpride59 is the Best vs. #5 It almost seems to be a scripted placement for a team named the 5th Masterminds
Shalubis signed on the other day. So thats a sign of a possible wake and bake for the 5th pleaders. Dpride seems a bit more active as of late too...Maybe he is beginning to get pissed off by his doubters of the What have you done for me lately club? I expect a battle of offense to be honest. A couple of previous champs here. I'll take Dpride besting a -3.
In the Central/Southwestern/Minnesotanice/Canada/Hick/Country shit music bracket we have the #3 Favre's Dong Energy sext pick takers Minnesota Junk Mailers vs. the #6 DAWG the gator hunting have sexual relations with your cousin in a trailer South Georgia Growl
Last time these 2 faced off the Junk Mailers deployed nachos and took that contest by a grand total of 6. First of all after explaining the Junk Mailer name to me, it would only make sense that you deploy Hot Dogs upon every opponent you meet. Second...there is probably NASCAR on that day so don't worry about South Georgia. It is in the bag. Mail it in -6.
And over in the eastern ghetto of St. Louis where all they do is burn rubbers because they are always partying over the memories of being 2 times World League Champions it will be the #2 East St. Louis Tire Fires vs. the #7 guys who dress in polo's and swill wine while they have their fondue book club meetings Austin Wineswilling Fancy Boys
Generally I would feel pretty laid back about a first round Pro playoff matchup but last season my AI was too complacent and this means I should probably take a break from watching those Moon League games and check out some planet Earth opponents. Austin was able to score some points on the Second cumming of a Trombone in their first meeting and I am even worried about Rusty's care for this game at this point. But I still gotta feel a W in this one. Tire Fire 4 lyfe -10.
And in the main event we got yo DS naughty sister by nature potential WL champions but still just a bridesmaid my names MOJAMES BITCH #1 Cincinnati Shockers vs. I watch Family guy for dat furry little evil demon of a monkey and will fuck your face if you tell me that longhornfan doesn't build da best CB's in all da land #8 Monmouth Evil Monkeys
I would genuinely be surprised if this game was within 20 points. DS mad and da monkeys just barely survived irrelevancy this season. Don't let joemiken fool you...that isn't George Clooney standing behind you, it is just distraction for da SHOCKER -20.
