Week 8 Predictions
Usual disclaimer: this is my opinion only. If you don’t like it, I still love you.
Welcome to Big Trouble in Little China week, Mr. Burton
NAGA
Co-Games Of The Week
Pudong Skyfire (6-1) v Palembang Drunken Monks (7-0)
For the first time in Texan’s pick history, we have two GoTWs in Naga and none in lolgaruda. After getting off to a nice start, I asked Boomy how he felt about our season: “Feel pretty good. I'm not, uh, I'm not scared at all. I just feel kind of... feel kind of invincible.” He probably jinxed us. I asked Pudong if they thought they had paid their dues with their killer schedule this season up until this point: “When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, and he looks you crooked in the eye and he asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol' Jack Burton always says at a time like that: "Have ya paid your dues, Jack?" "Yessir, the check is in the mail." Ok. Well, how about a couple more tough ones? Monks 30, Pudong 20
The Cult (7-0) v Hong Kong Hustlers (6-1)
A second matchup with teams that have a combined record of 13-1. I was impressed with how TC won last time, so I asked them how they did it: “It’s all in the reflexes”. Good reflexes, check. Alright HKH, you guys are headed to play at TC’s home field, what are you thinking? “Okay. You people sit tight, hold the fort and keep the home fires burning. And if we're not back by dawn... call the president.” Well, as long as you’re not overconfident. I see this one being very close in the first half with TC pulling away late, kinda like the Ducks. Cult 31, HKH 17
Other Naga Games
Saint Foy Cyclones (7-0) v Woody Island Wolverines (1-6)
WW can’t really afford more than one more loss (by my estimation). This could be it but I’m sure they’d rather not play that card now. They could probably use some help with this game. What’s in the flask WW, magic potion? “Yeah. Thought so, good. What do we do, drink it? Yeah! Good! Thought so.” SFC 27, WW 17
Portland Dirty Penguins (6-1) v Bacolod Skullcrushers (1-6)
Hey amo, I know I named the team way back when but why do you keep that American name in SEA? “Here's to the Army and Navy and the battles they have won; here's to America's colors, the colors that never run.” Damn straight. “May the wings of liberty never lose a feather”. PDP 42, Bacolod 10
Pa Dong Dragons (4-3) v Beer Drinkers, Hell Raisers and Mom (0-7)
Moar Dong! Ok, I’m picking you this game, are you happy now?! Ya, it’s been a rough season for the Drinkers. What do you think of SEA Pro so far? “Oh, my god, no. Please! What is that? Don't tell me!” Oh, nevermind. Pa Dong 49, Drinkers 13
Chi-Town Hustlers (3-4) v Golden Hill Bones (2-5)
CTH is hanging in there, just out of the playoff race. GHB showed up and played PDP really tough but they need to start getting real victories to stay in the race. What kind of peck talk are you going to give the troops GHB? “And now, my beloved disciples. The moment of truth... the needle of love.” Oh shit, you might want tone that down a little. GHB 24, CTH 20
Victoria Teabaggers (3-4) v Orlando Praying Mantis (2-5)
VT can virtually eliminate OPM from the playoff race with a win here. I’ll tell you what though, VT is a serious dark horse to jump into that 8 spot by the end of the season. My advice to you: “Play your cards right... you live to talk about it!” VT 35, OPM 20
Cambodia Mountain Men (3-4) v Guam Tigers (1-6)
Wow, CMM is back from the dead and they are not fucking around this time. That must have been a war to recover from that start, huh? “Well sure it was a war. And anybody that showed up was gonna join Lem Lee in the Hell of Being Cut to Pieces. Hell of being what? Chinese have a lot of Hells.” Gotcha. CMM 28, Guam 27
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lolgaruda
Game Of The Week
None
Other lolgaruda Games
Three Kingdom Warriors (6-1) v Krakow Kryptonite (3-4)
Krakow, you guys are having a very respectable season so far. Those TKW guys are pretty sick though huh? “Holy SHIT! These guys are animals.” Ok ya, I admit I was down-playing it. Good luck KK. TKW 65, Krakow 10
Phu Khao Bow Chicka Brown Cows (6-1) v New People’s Army (0-7)
Well, not much to say about this game, but next week against the Rampage should be fun. How did you guys adjust to lolnaga so quickly? “I took something. I can see things no one else can see. Why're you dressed like that?” Oh, you likey? Cows 165, NPA 3
Buffalo Rampage (6-1) v Atlantic Great Whites (3-4)
AGW is another team off to a pretty good start but now running into a buzz saw. How are you going to fight them? Do you have a gun, I hope? “I have a knife. A knife? This guy's twelve feet tall! Seven. Hey, don't worry, I can handle him.” Riight. Buffalo 52, AGW 14
Buffalo Knights (5-2) v Boston Bears (2-5)
The Knights have been a bit jekyl and hyde, losing to Pa Dong, yet beating up the Cows pretty bad and then getting housed by the Rampage. What do you think Boston, is this going to get ugly? “Is this gonna get ugly, now? Huh? I hope not. Because I thought what we were here, racial differences notwithstanding, was just a couple of old friends.” Well, after the game maybe. Buffalo 38, Boston 17
Lucid D.R.E.A.M. (5-2) v Mandalay King Cobras (1-6)
Man Lucid, TKW had a great second half, but the playoffs aren’t here yet, so don’t fear. Mandalay, when you start feeling alone, just remember China is here. What do you think? “What the hell does that mean? huh? China is here, I don't even know what the hell that means, all I know is this "Lo Pan" character comes out of thin air in the middle of a goddamn alley while his buddies are flying around on wires cutting everybody to shreds, and he just stands there waiting for me to drive my truck straight through him, with light coming out of his mouth!” Lucid 56, Mandalay 6
New York Empire (5-2) v Lefkada-Singapore Seahawks (2-5)
NYE you guys are looking like a potential threat in the playoffs. I could definitely see that. LSS you guys are looking like you’ll avoid relegation and the next step is winning more “And you can go on to rule the universe from beyond the grave. Indeed! Or check into a psycho ward, whichever comes first, right?” NYE 31, LSS 14
Wu Dang Kung Fu Academy (4-3) v Tibet Black Dragon (0-7)
Dragons it’s probably not going to work out for you guys up here this season, but hey, there’s always AAA, right? “There have been others, to be sure. There are always others. But you know, Mr. Burton, the difficulties between men and women. How seldom it works out? Yet we all keep trying, like fools.” Yes. Wu 255, TBD 0
Quad Cities Quarantine (3-4) v Sioux Fall Storm (2-5)
QCQ, nice work hanging around there in the playoff race. How does that make you feel? “My mind and my spirit are going north and south”. Ya, it can be a little overwhelming I guess. SFS, you guys keep plugging away, you’ll get there. QCQ 35, SFS 20
Usual disclaimer: this is my opinion only. If you don’t like it, I still love you.
Welcome to Big Trouble in Little China week, Mr. Burton
NAGA
Co-Games Of The Week
Pudong Skyfire (6-1) v Palembang Drunken Monks (7-0)
For the first time in Texan’s pick history, we have two GoTWs in Naga and none in lolgaruda. After getting off to a nice start, I asked Boomy how he felt about our season: “Feel pretty good. I'm not, uh, I'm not scared at all. I just feel kind of... feel kind of invincible.” He probably jinxed us. I asked Pudong if they thought they had paid their dues with their killer schedule this season up until this point: “When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, and he looks you crooked in the eye and he asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol' Jack Burton always says at a time like that: "Have ya paid your dues, Jack?" "Yessir, the check is in the mail." Ok. Well, how about a couple more tough ones? Monks 30, Pudong 20
The Cult (7-0) v Hong Kong Hustlers (6-1)
A second matchup with teams that have a combined record of 13-1. I was impressed with how TC won last time, so I asked them how they did it: “It’s all in the reflexes”. Good reflexes, check. Alright HKH, you guys are headed to play at TC’s home field, what are you thinking? “Okay. You people sit tight, hold the fort and keep the home fires burning. And if we're not back by dawn... call the president.” Well, as long as you’re not overconfident. I see this one being very close in the first half with TC pulling away late, kinda like the Ducks. Cult 31, HKH 17
Other Naga Games
Saint Foy Cyclones (7-0) v Woody Island Wolverines (1-6)
WW can’t really afford more than one more loss (by my estimation). This could be it but I’m sure they’d rather not play that card now. They could probably use some help with this game. What’s in the flask WW, magic potion? “Yeah. Thought so, good. What do we do, drink it? Yeah! Good! Thought so.” SFC 27, WW 17
Portland Dirty Penguins (6-1) v Bacolod Skullcrushers (1-6)
Hey amo, I know I named the team way back when but why do you keep that American name in SEA? “Here's to the Army and Navy and the battles they have won; here's to America's colors, the colors that never run.” Damn straight. “May the wings of liberty never lose a feather”. PDP 42, Bacolod 10
Pa Dong Dragons (4-3) v Beer Drinkers, Hell Raisers and Mom (0-7)
Moar Dong! Ok, I’m picking you this game, are you happy now?! Ya, it’s been a rough season for the Drinkers. What do you think of SEA Pro so far? “Oh, my god, no. Please! What is that? Don't tell me!” Oh, nevermind. Pa Dong 49, Drinkers 13
Chi-Town Hustlers (3-4) v Golden Hill Bones (2-5)
CTH is hanging in there, just out of the playoff race. GHB showed up and played PDP really tough but they need to start getting real victories to stay in the race. What kind of peck talk are you going to give the troops GHB? “And now, my beloved disciples. The moment of truth... the needle of love.” Oh shit, you might want tone that down a little. GHB 24, CTH 20
Victoria Teabaggers (3-4) v Orlando Praying Mantis (2-5)
VT can virtually eliminate OPM from the playoff race with a win here. I’ll tell you what though, VT is a serious dark horse to jump into that 8 spot by the end of the season. My advice to you: “Play your cards right... you live to talk about it!” VT 35, OPM 20
Cambodia Mountain Men (3-4) v Guam Tigers (1-6)
Wow, CMM is back from the dead and they are not fucking around this time. That must have been a war to recover from that start, huh? “Well sure it was a war. And anybody that showed up was gonna join Lem Lee in the Hell of Being Cut to Pieces. Hell of being what? Chinese have a lot of Hells.” Gotcha. CMM 28, Guam 27
______________________________________________________
lolgaruda
Game Of The Week
None
Other lolgaruda Games
Three Kingdom Warriors (6-1) v Krakow Kryptonite (3-4)
Krakow, you guys are having a very respectable season so far. Those TKW guys are pretty sick though huh? “Holy SHIT! These guys are animals.” Ok ya, I admit I was down-playing it. Good luck KK. TKW 65, Krakow 10
Phu Khao Bow Chicka Brown Cows (6-1) v New People’s Army (0-7)
Well, not much to say about this game, but next week against the Rampage should be fun. How did you guys adjust to lolnaga so quickly? “I took something. I can see things no one else can see. Why're you dressed like that?” Oh, you likey? Cows 165, NPA 3
Buffalo Rampage (6-1) v Atlantic Great Whites (3-4)
AGW is another team off to a pretty good start but now running into a buzz saw. How are you going to fight them? Do you have a gun, I hope? “I have a knife. A knife? This guy's twelve feet tall! Seven. Hey, don't worry, I can handle him.” Riight. Buffalo 52, AGW 14
Buffalo Knights (5-2) v Boston Bears (2-5)
The Knights have been a bit jekyl and hyde, losing to Pa Dong, yet beating up the Cows pretty bad and then getting housed by the Rampage. What do you think Boston, is this going to get ugly? “Is this gonna get ugly, now? Huh? I hope not. Because I thought what we were here, racial differences notwithstanding, was just a couple of old friends.” Well, after the game maybe. Buffalo 38, Boston 17
Lucid D.R.E.A.M. (5-2) v Mandalay King Cobras (1-6)
Man Lucid, TKW had a great second half, but the playoffs aren’t here yet, so don’t fear. Mandalay, when you start feeling alone, just remember China is here. What do you think? “What the hell does that mean? huh? China is here, I don't even know what the hell that means, all I know is this "Lo Pan" character comes out of thin air in the middle of a goddamn alley while his buddies are flying around on wires cutting everybody to shreds, and he just stands there waiting for me to drive my truck straight through him, with light coming out of his mouth!” Lucid 56, Mandalay 6
New York Empire (5-2) v Lefkada-Singapore Seahawks (2-5)
NYE you guys are looking like a potential threat in the playoffs. I could definitely see that. LSS you guys are looking like you’ll avoid relegation and the next step is winning more “And you can go on to rule the universe from beyond the grave. Indeed! Or check into a psycho ward, whichever comes first, right?” NYE 31, LSS 14
Wu Dang Kung Fu Academy (4-3) v Tibet Black Dragon (0-7)
Dragons it’s probably not going to work out for you guys up here this season, but hey, there’s always AAA, right? “There have been others, to be sure. There are always others. But you know, Mr. Burton, the difficulties between men and women. How seldom it works out? Yet we all keep trying, like fools.” Yes. Wu 255, TBD 0
Quad Cities Quarantine (3-4) v Sioux Fall Storm (2-5)
QCQ, nice work hanging around there in the playoff race. How does that make you feel? “My mind and my spirit are going north and south”. Ya, it can be a little overwhelming I guess. SFS, you guys keep plugging away, you’ll get there. QCQ 35, SFS 20
Ty for doing these.
