*Warning: The more serious you take these…the more of my anger I take out on BP’s daughter*
Are there still those petty rules about the amount or cursing in a post? I hope not, cause I’m going to be way over the limit here. Fuck.
Naga Conference:
The Playoff Teams:
1. Woody Island Woverines
By default, I suppose. As you know, The Committee (of one) is a prediction maestro. However, I’m not real confident a 9-7 team from last year can pull this off, though. Just as there is a reason for their impressive post-season run, rest assured, there was also a reason they lost seven games. This is an extremely hit or miss team that won’t have the benefit of sneaking up on teams anymore.
2. Tiny Hobo Cult/The Cult
The two and three teams in this league are both teams that entered the league at the same time as under-leveled teams that won in lower levels with superior builds. Each team has one win against the other. THC/COP/TC takes the two spot in these rankings due to writer bias, and their win coming last season.
3. Pudong Skyfire
Since I’ve pretty much already talked about this team, and I like to be efficient (this is why I strip in the opposite order I need to get re-dressed when doing naughty things), so I’m just going to keep this party moving (this IS a party, I’m even wearing that ridiculous paper hat with the string that always breaks on your chin).
4. Palembang Drunken Monks
Here’s a text I received on Thursday:
“So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?”
Ha, I bet there’s someone from this team that can answer for that.
5. Hong Kong Hustlers
Here’s a youtube clip for my homies:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4MAboHrAYA
Please insert your new theme song/video into Owner Note and give due credit to The Committee. Or else….face my wrath in upcoming editions (if there are any)
6. Portland Dirty Penguins
My second favorite hobby to getting my little sister out of drinking citations by fucking her RA is watching March of the Penguins high. I just felt like this would be the best spot to share that. You guys should try it. Mix in some chicks, lube, and cheetoes and you’ll be entertained for at least 36 hours.
7. Pa Dong Dragons
Personally, I’m a fan of dragons. Not the team, I don’t even know anything about them, more of just the concept of dragons. How fucking sweet would it be to have a little pet dragon? I wouldn’t even need a microwave anymore. I’d just be like “hey little Draco, can you heat up this pop-tart for me?” Oh my god that would be the shit. This needs to happen immediately. Who here knows the people that bred those Ligers??
I think this is a good time to tell you all that I usually do these power rankings fucked up. I really feel it adds more substance. You’re welcome.
8. Victoria Teabaggers
Does anyone else have a feeling that the people who started this team had a weird love triangle-type thing with a girl named Victoria? That’d be pretty epic naming your dotball team after some skank you all teabagged. The Committee can only hope this is the case (and if it is, do tell)
Playoffs? PLAYOFFS!?
9. Golden Hill Bones
Don’t really have anything to say here. So, enjoy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMtZfW2z9dw&feature=related
10. Cambodia Mountain Men
Uh, well, I guess they should be better this year.
Then again, I’ve known a lot of things that should have been better than they were. Like the time I made weed margarita. Sounds awesome, right? Alcohol…weed…that big fuckin glass. Yea…no. I missed an exam the next morning waiting for my friend to find a ladder to help me off the roof of my house (I got up using a trampoline for the record).
11. Sainte Foy Cyclones
Two seasons ago almost at the exact same time before the season I did my last edition of these rankings. Sainte Foy was ranked 11th in those rankings. Two years later, same spot.
I believe I’ve made my point here, so let’s keep this moving.
12. Orlando Praying Mantis
Clearly the best of the teams to promote up to Naga. Of course, that’s like saying you’re the best at emptying porto-potties or some other job as equally shitty. Point is, these guys are going to lose a lot of games…and I’m going to make fun of them the entire time they do it. Cheers!
Fuck going to back to AAA, Minors Cap 4 FTW
13. Baclod Skullcrushers
There’s something to be said for staying around Pro for so long.
I just honestly don’t know what the hell it is. There can’t be any fun in being a perennial 10-14 seed. End this violently, plz.
14. Chi-Town Hustlers
A word for the wise…
Never fill out a job application drunk. I was trying to get a job at a restaurant on campus to pay off some interest that is building up on my student loans. I picked the restaurant in particular because quite possibly the hottest chick in the world is the manager there. You know, the person who reads the application and makes hiring decisions….
So I’m fucked up, get home, see the application and have the bright idea to fill it out right there. When I got to previous work history I apparently decided to write in that I was a Chef/Sex Slave for the past 3 years. I know this because a friend of mine who worked there was pulled into the manager’s office about it because I listed him as a reference. But fuck it, here’s to hoping for a call back!
15. Guam Tigers
First round playoff losers in AAA? Is that right?
Blah, let’s finish this quickly.
16. Beer Drinkers, Hell Raisers, and Mom
Nearly twenty players on your roster are inactive. Three more have opened builds. Seriously, why even play this nightmare out?
Gut. Kthanks.
-----
Garuda Conference:
The Playoff Teams:
1. Lucid D.R.E.A.M.
It doesn’t even take my predictionologist skills to call this one. Lucid is going to win this conference, and quite possibly the entire league. Which kinda makes this spot in the write up boring as hell. Let’s keep moving before I give up and make these simply Naga rankings.
2. Buffalo Rampage
This name is kinda ghey tbh. You guys should rename your team, then two weeks later rename it again. I heard that’s what the cool teams do.
Seriously though, bad preseason was bad. Hopefully it’s just apathy by the powers that be here, because I don’t like when teams fuck up my predictions.
3. Phu Khao Bow Chicka Brown Cows
This was an impressive first season team from last year. If nobody were to drop down to Gurada from WL next season, they’ll probably be the front-runner next year regardless of what happens with the two teams ranked in front of them. However, they’re not quite there yet, and this spot may even be questionable.
4. Three Kingdom Warriors
These guys seem to be a pretty trendy pick to have a bounce back season. I guess I can see why, and their preseason was impressive, but I just can’t see them working their way into the top three here. In fact, they’re only fourth over Buffalo because I flipped a coin and it landed on their side. We’ll play it out and see what happens.
5. Buffalo Knights
Another year of having to try and get past Lucid. Sucks. I bet you guys are kinda depressed about it, I mean, this is serious stuff.
What I like to do when I’m depressed is organize a party with my friends, making sure to stick to a strict 2:1 girl to guy ratio. Then I make a little recording with this exact transcript being played out by assorted female voices:
Girl 1: Dibs!
Girl 2: No, fuck that, I want him!
Girl 3: Me too!
Girl 1: Screw you skanks, I called dibs first!
Girl 2: Well honestly, who wouldn’t want him? I here he has a lot of money
Girl 3: And a giant dick! Anyone would be lucky to get with him
…and cut.
Then what I do is when the party has started, I walk into the room and then get a friend on the other side of the room to play the recorder loudly for all to hear. By the end of the night, rest assured, I have my pick of the litter and the depression just melts away.
6. New York Empire
A real sent text from my phone last night:
“hey this is lauren, i have to type for mike because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands”
I think I’ve found a keeper, people. This is big news.
7. Wu Dang Kung Fu Academy
Wu!
Kung Fu is back after being demoted, and should be in much better shape to handle their Pro competition. However, their preseason wasn’t too impressive. They have a shot at being a playoff team in this conference, but they’ll have to be better than they were in those scrimmages.
8. Sioux Falls Storm
This ranking kind of sucks. I have little faith that this first year team is good enough to be ranked as a playoff team, but who the fuck cares. I’m picking between bear shit and goat shit at this point. Whatever.
Dirty Sluts trying to sleep their way to a Playoff Ranking
9. Quad Cities Quarantine
It’s really about this part of the rankings where things take a turn for the worse. Every single team ranked at and under this spot aren’t pro caliber teams for one reason or another. Gurada may have some good teams at the top, but its depth is an absolute joke.
10. Krakow Kryptonite
Sex on bubble wrap. Enough said.
…and we’re moving on.
11. Boston Bears
I just took a shit, and out came this team.
Even my shit can almost make the playoffs at the bottom of this conference. In other news, I just can’t get behind a second round loser in the AAA playoffs just because they have level 72 people. It’s just not in me.
12. Lefkada-Singapore Seahawks
The Committee remembers this team…from somewhere. I don’t really remember, actually. I’m sure that they do, because I’m pretty unforgettable, so please Seahawks, fill me in on where this was. Kthanks.
13. Atlantic Great Whites
It’s a fuckin’ mystery that this team has managed to stay in Pros. This may be the worst team to NOT demote…ever. Of course, to make matters worse, Gurada has a CPU team, a team that should be CPU, and a team with lower levels than Wu’s first go round up here…meaning these guys are going to stick again.
Awesome.
Wasting The Committee’s Time
14. Mandalay King Cobras
In your defense, you shouldn’t be in the pros. A roster full of low level 60’s isn’t going to get you anywhere but fast-tracked back to AAA. However, if the builds are sufficient, this team could be a player up here in three seasons or so.
15. Australia Surfin’ Smurfs
What is with this whole smurf fetish? Honestly guys, jump on the bandwagon here, it’s dragons ftw.
16. New People’s Army
Looks like it’s going to suck as bad as the last people's army.
Are there still those petty rules about the amount or cursing in a post? I hope not, cause I’m going to be way over the limit here. Fuck.
Naga Conference:
The Playoff Teams:
1. Woody Island Woverines
By default, I suppose. As you know, The Committee (of one) is a prediction maestro. However, I’m not real confident a 9-7 team from last year can pull this off, though. Just as there is a reason for their impressive post-season run, rest assured, there was also a reason they lost seven games. This is an extremely hit or miss team that won’t have the benefit of sneaking up on teams anymore.
2. Tiny Hobo Cult/The Cult
The two and three teams in this league are both teams that entered the league at the same time as under-leveled teams that won in lower levels with superior builds. Each team has one win against the other. THC/COP/TC takes the two spot in these rankings due to writer bias, and their win coming last season.
3. Pudong Skyfire
Since I’ve pretty much already talked about this team, and I like to be efficient (this is why I strip in the opposite order I need to get re-dressed when doing naughty things), so I’m just going to keep this party moving (this IS a party, I’m even wearing that ridiculous paper hat with the string that always breaks on your chin).
4. Palembang Drunken Monks
Here’s a text I received on Thursday:
“So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?”
Ha, I bet there’s someone from this team that can answer for that.
5. Hong Kong Hustlers
Here’s a youtube clip for my homies:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4MAboHrAYA
Please insert your new theme song/video into Owner Note and give due credit to The Committee. Or else….face my wrath in upcoming editions (if there are any)
6. Portland Dirty Penguins
My second favorite hobby to getting my little sister out of drinking citations by fucking her RA is watching March of the Penguins high. I just felt like this would be the best spot to share that. You guys should try it. Mix in some chicks, lube, and cheetoes and you’ll be entertained for at least 36 hours.
7. Pa Dong Dragons
Personally, I’m a fan of dragons. Not the team, I don’t even know anything about them, more of just the concept of dragons. How fucking sweet would it be to have a little pet dragon? I wouldn’t even need a microwave anymore. I’d just be like “hey little Draco, can you heat up this pop-tart for me?” Oh my god that would be the shit. This needs to happen immediately. Who here knows the people that bred those Ligers??
I think this is a good time to tell you all that I usually do these power rankings fucked up. I really feel it adds more substance. You’re welcome.
8. Victoria Teabaggers
Does anyone else have a feeling that the people who started this team had a weird love triangle-type thing with a girl named Victoria? That’d be pretty epic naming your dotball team after some skank you all teabagged. The Committee can only hope this is the case (and if it is, do tell)
Playoffs? PLAYOFFS!?
9. Golden Hill Bones
Don’t really have anything to say here. So, enjoy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMtZfW2z9dw&feature=related
10. Cambodia Mountain Men
Uh, well, I guess they should be better this year.
Then again, I’ve known a lot of things that should have been better than they were. Like the time I made weed margarita. Sounds awesome, right? Alcohol…weed…that big fuckin glass. Yea…no. I missed an exam the next morning waiting for my friend to find a ladder to help me off the roof of my house (I got up using a trampoline for the record).
11. Sainte Foy Cyclones
Two seasons ago almost at the exact same time before the season I did my last edition of these rankings. Sainte Foy was ranked 11th in those rankings. Two years later, same spot.
I believe I’ve made my point here, so let’s keep this moving.
12. Orlando Praying Mantis
Clearly the best of the teams to promote up to Naga. Of course, that’s like saying you’re the best at emptying porto-potties or some other job as equally shitty. Point is, these guys are going to lose a lot of games…and I’m going to make fun of them the entire time they do it. Cheers!
Fuck going to back to AAA, Minors Cap 4 FTW
13. Baclod Skullcrushers
There’s something to be said for staying around Pro for so long.
I just honestly don’t know what the hell it is. There can’t be any fun in being a perennial 10-14 seed. End this violently, plz.
14. Chi-Town Hustlers
A word for the wise…
Never fill out a job application drunk. I was trying to get a job at a restaurant on campus to pay off some interest that is building up on my student loans. I picked the restaurant in particular because quite possibly the hottest chick in the world is the manager there. You know, the person who reads the application and makes hiring decisions….
So I’m fucked up, get home, see the application and have the bright idea to fill it out right there. When I got to previous work history I apparently decided to write in that I was a Chef/Sex Slave for the past 3 years. I know this because a friend of mine who worked there was pulled into the manager’s office about it because I listed him as a reference. But fuck it, here’s to hoping for a call back!
15. Guam Tigers
First round playoff losers in AAA? Is that right?
Blah, let’s finish this quickly.
16. Beer Drinkers, Hell Raisers, and Mom
Nearly twenty players on your roster are inactive. Three more have opened builds. Seriously, why even play this nightmare out?
Gut. Kthanks.
-----
Garuda Conference:
The Playoff Teams:
1. Lucid D.R.E.A.M.
It doesn’t even take my predictionologist skills to call this one. Lucid is going to win this conference, and quite possibly the entire league. Which kinda makes this spot in the write up boring as hell. Let’s keep moving before I give up and make these simply Naga rankings.
2. Buffalo Rampage
This name is kinda ghey tbh. You guys should rename your team, then two weeks later rename it again. I heard that’s what the cool teams do.
Seriously though, bad preseason was bad. Hopefully it’s just apathy by the powers that be here, because I don’t like when teams fuck up my predictions.
3. Phu Khao Bow Chicka Brown Cows
This was an impressive first season team from last year. If nobody were to drop down to Gurada from WL next season, they’ll probably be the front-runner next year regardless of what happens with the two teams ranked in front of them. However, they’re not quite there yet, and this spot may even be questionable.
4. Three Kingdom Warriors
These guys seem to be a pretty trendy pick to have a bounce back season. I guess I can see why, and their preseason was impressive, but I just can’t see them working their way into the top three here. In fact, they’re only fourth over Buffalo because I flipped a coin and it landed on their side. We’ll play it out and see what happens.
5. Buffalo Knights
Another year of having to try and get past Lucid. Sucks. I bet you guys are kinda depressed about it, I mean, this is serious stuff.
What I like to do when I’m depressed is organize a party with my friends, making sure to stick to a strict 2:1 girl to guy ratio. Then I make a little recording with this exact transcript being played out by assorted female voices:
Girl 1: Dibs!
Girl 2: No, fuck that, I want him!
Girl 3: Me too!
Girl 1: Screw you skanks, I called dibs first!
Girl 2: Well honestly, who wouldn’t want him? I here he has a lot of money
Girl 3: And a giant dick! Anyone would be lucky to get with him
…and cut.
Then what I do is when the party has started, I walk into the room and then get a friend on the other side of the room to play the recorder loudly for all to hear. By the end of the night, rest assured, I have my pick of the litter and the depression just melts away.
6. New York Empire
A real sent text from my phone last night:
“hey this is lauren, i have to type for mike because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands”
I think I’ve found a keeper, people. This is big news.
7. Wu Dang Kung Fu Academy
Wu!
Kung Fu is back after being demoted, and should be in much better shape to handle their Pro competition. However, their preseason wasn’t too impressive. They have a shot at being a playoff team in this conference, but they’ll have to be better than they were in those scrimmages.
8. Sioux Falls Storm
This ranking kind of sucks. I have little faith that this first year team is good enough to be ranked as a playoff team, but who the fuck cares. I’m picking between bear shit and goat shit at this point. Whatever.
Dirty Sluts trying to sleep their way to a Playoff Ranking
9. Quad Cities Quarantine
It’s really about this part of the rankings where things take a turn for the worse. Every single team ranked at and under this spot aren’t pro caliber teams for one reason or another. Gurada may have some good teams at the top, but its depth is an absolute joke.
10. Krakow Kryptonite
Sex on bubble wrap. Enough said.
…and we’re moving on.
11. Boston Bears
I just took a shit, and out came this team.
Even my shit can almost make the playoffs at the bottom of this conference. In other news, I just can’t get behind a second round loser in the AAA playoffs just because they have level 72 people. It’s just not in me.
12. Lefkada-Singapore Seahawks
The Committee remembers this team…from somewhere. I don’t really remember, actually. I’m sure that they do, because I’m pretty unforgettable, so please Seahawks, fill me in on where this was. Kthanks.
13. Atlantic Great Whites
It’s a fuckin’ mystery that this team has managed to stay in Pros. This may be the worst team to NOT demote…ever. Of course, to make matters worse, Gurada has a CPU team, a team that should be CPU, and a team with lower levels than Wu’s first go round up here…meaning these guys are going to stick again.
Awesome.
Wasting The Committee’s Time
14. Mandalay King Cobras
In your defense, you shouldn’t be in the pros. A roster full of low level 60’s isn’t going to get you anywhere but fast-tracked back to AAA. However, if the builds are sufficient, this team could be a player up here in three seasons or so.
15. Australia Surfin’ Smurfs
What is with this whole smurf fetish? Honestly guys, jump on the bandwagon here, it’s dragons ftw.
16. New People’s Army
Looks like it’s going to suck as bad as the last people's army.
Edited by MGood030 on Nov 20, 2010 15:49:10
Edited by MGood030 on Nov 20, 2010 14:06:41
Edited by MGood030 on Nov 20, 2010 14:02:38
Edited by MGood030 on Nov 20, 2010 13:55:30
