We all know by now that Zeta is the far weaker conference of the two and OPL is the worst Pro League in the world, ever, in the history of Pro league sim based football games. So, in an attempt to do the futile, that is, justifying our existence to the rest of GLB, I will post my prognostications for this upcoming lolopro season.
Of course, none of this will come true, and somehow, someway, Madcow will win OPL despite not even being here. However, I feel like it's my responsibility to give it a decent shot anyhow, so that at the very least we have something to talk about while the rest of the world merges into amazingly mediocre power house teams and still loses to Indy, SoCal, CBlaze, Lincoln, Kai, halifax and of course, Saigon.
And yes, I do enjoy run on sentences and commas.
So, without further adieu, here comes Otega's best of the worst mired in mediocrity list of opro zeta teams.
LOLzeta
1) Of course there has to be a best of the worst, because, there is always one terrible team that stands out from the rest of the really terrible teams. I think I'll give this designation to the Island of Misfit Whores. Now, some would argue that an island of misfit whores could never be a top, terrible team, if not for the fact that they are on an island, and they are whores. But, have you ever seen a pissed off whore in SE Asia? I have, and let me tell you, you stiff them once (no pun intended), just once, and they'll come at you with meat cleavers. And believe me, those 4'5" frames aren't aiming for your neck. Infact, they can't reach your neck. You do the math.
And plus, there are a lot of guys from other leagues on this team. Which means, they should have won OPL once they hit about Cap 32. Surely I jest, they do have a great looking squad.
2) This is a toss up, based on the worst of last season in zeta, but I have to give the edge here to the Kingman Reef Clippers. We all know effective level wins football games, and if you push over 1100, the sim breaks and you're simply awarded an undefeated season. So, to that end, Jovialevil (great name, btw) has his team looking to do some very happy bad things to teams this season. The only reason why they aren't #1 on my list, tbh, is that if i have to pick between whores or fisherman, 80% of the time, I'm picking whores 100% of the time. In all seriousness, they look pretty good.
3) My third worst team of the best will come as a bit of a surprise. I figured by now, with the amount of posting Bug has been doing, you would all think I would go homer here and push EEA up into a top 3 slot. Well, you're all wrong, and that's mainly because you're all in OPL, and we all know OPL is one giant shortbus driving us all to GLB school. So, I'm putting the Guadalcanal Gunners in this spot. What scares me about the 2nd version of the gunners is not that they scraped the last team and built better dots this time around. Of that they picked up a couple silvers along the way. No, what scares me about Guadalcanal is that John Barber is so confident in his team, he's gone inactive since Jul 10th. That, my friends, is the sign of one confident fucking owner. The rest of us might as well just quit now, tbh.
Plus look at that avatar of the team. Would you seriously think you had a chance against the Marine divisions that fought at Guadalcanal? Ya, I didn't think so.
4) The Legends of Time take the 4th and final home playoff game spot. Frankly, with their win against their WL team, most will be surprised that I ranked them this low. However, I contend that despite being legends of time, they just can't compete with the modern era "stuff," that the top 3 teams use to their advantage. Whores today are much more lethal than they were 100 years ago, fisherman 100 years ago were using sticks and make shift hemp string while today's fisherman have speedboats, 30lb test and ultra reflective lures, and well, George Washington, great man that he was, just wouldn't win a battle with his guys vs. the 1st and 2nd marine divisions of WWII. Which means, LoT's land squarely in the 4th spot.
5) Once again, struggling here to fill this spot. So, I think I will flip a coin. Wait for it, wait for it, OH! Looks like the Syracuse Synergy have landed in the 5 hole. Folks, these guys are a perfect team to place in the 5 hole. Truly, Ronnie and his crew can hit to the holes, move runners, and hit to oppo with power. About as perfect of a hitter in the 5 hole that you can get. Plus, that avatar of Ronnies just makes me want to relax, not gameplan, and frankly, go outside and experience the synergy of the world in relation to the cosmic forces that parlay gravity into daoist trueism. Or, sit on the couch and get high, tbh. Anyhow, Syracuse looks solid and will be a handful for any team.
6) Here we go with the run of the current crop of veteran teams in zeta. In the 6 spot is Berlin. Bearstightend is one of the good guys in GLB, and I can promise you he wins a couple games a season simply because of that. However, on the outside, it looks like he has yet another solid roster this season. Berlin, as always, will make some noise and beat some people. Better watch them, their crafty.
7) Gold Coast Vipers coming back down from WL, will be ready, and hungry, for a competitive season. After a tough go in WL, I can assure you that EZ and the crew learned alot about their team and will parlay that into success this season. I wouldn't sleep on the vipers. They may be small, and have no spine, but they will strike fast and hard like a cobra. (No aus, i didn't say like a cobra kai, just a cobra).
8) Ok, finally, in the 8th and final spot, I would have to take EEA, Manhattan, Sumatra, Razorback,Guam, and Reikohu. That's right, for the first time in GLB, I'm prediciting a 6 way tie for 8th place in lolzeta. Although, I believe it's mathamaticaly impossible for this to happen, I'm going to predict it anyhow.
14-16) In no particular order, and with no malice, I'll guess that Asau, Tonga and Orlando struggle a bit this season. Asau has a young roster, which will serve them well in the near future. Just tough to compete on this level that young. Honestly, I just don't know anything about Orlando or Tonga, hence the only real reason why I have them this low.
All in all, it should be an exciting season in the worst league in GLB history. Lots of good, competitive teams, colorful names and amazingly fun and witty forum banter.
To the teams on top, good luck staying there. To the teams on the bottom, I wish you well this season, and as always, prove me wrong and/or teach me something about your teams.
To the teams in the middle, no need to game plan ever.
MISC numbers and fun predictions
3 - Posts that include "Original OPro team" in the body of the Op. It's always fun to see the old timers come out with new teams.
7 - Over/Under on posts by Great_Aus that have something to do with hate towards Cobra Kai and/or any other GLB team in general.
16 - Number of times Otega will type GG X (insert team name here), bolded, and on time. (Had to give you guys an easy one)
24 - Over/Under on how many hours one of the sullys can go without posting inflammatory and/or not so nice remarks (it's important to note that this number is set by them in the GG thread, and one of them already went "under.") I'm simply resetting and giving them a second chance.
27 - Number of threads Bug03 will start declaring victory for EEA in the preseason. Trust me, he still has plenty of time.
Over/Under on wins for OPL WL Teams in S17
6 - Sin City
6 - Feebs
10- Indy
10 -So Cal
(Going a little conservative here on numbers guys, just FYI)
_________________________
As always, my disclaimer. WHEN, and that's a big when, I post something like this, I do it with no malice involved. I have nothing but respect for all the teams in our league, and the owners/agents who are part of those teams. However, if you incapable of laughing at yourself or others, than I would suggest you skip the entire thread, walk out your front door and take notice that there is "stuff" outside of the computer room called "grass," "rivers," "lakes," and "streams," and sign up to partake in one of the many "activities" that happen in these "real life" areas. And sometimes, your "son" or "daughter" or "wife" or "girlfriend" or "life partner" would like to experience these things first hand for themselves, thereby give you the opportunity to "experience" them as well. In other words, drink a big glass of stfu if you want to bitch and complain about interweb rankings and/or anything I said. Laugh a little.
Of course, none of this will come true, and somehow, someway, Madcow will win OPL despite not even being here. However, I feel like it's my responsibility to give it a decent shot anyhow, so that at the very least we have something to talk about while the rest of the world merges into amazingly mediocre power house teams and still loses to Indy, SoCal, CBlaze, Lincoln, Kai, halifax and of course, Saigon.
And yes, I do enjoy run on sentences and commas.
So, without further adieu, here comes Otega's best of the worst mired in mediocrity list of opro zeta teams.
LOLzeta
1) Of course there has to be a best of the worst, because, there is always one terrible team that stands out from the rest of the really terrible teams. I think I'll give this designation to the Island of Misfit Whores. Now, some would argue that an island of misfit whores could never be a top, terrible team, if not for the fact that they are on an island, and they are whores. But, have you ever seen a pissed off whore in SE Asia? I have, and let me tell you, you stiff them once (no pun intended), just once, and they'll come at you with meat cleavers. And believe me, those 4'5" frames aren't aiming for your neck. Infact, they can't reach your neck. You do the math.
And plus, there are a lot of guys from other leagues on this team. Which means, they should have won OPL once they hit about Cap 32. Surely I jest, they do have a great looking squad.
2) This is a toss up, based on the worst of last season in zeta, but I have to give the edge here to the Kingman Reef Clippers. We all know effective level wins football games, and if you push over 1100, the sim breaks and you're simply awarded an undefeated season. So, to that end, Jovialevil (great name, btw) has his team looking to do some very happy bad things to teams this season. The only reason why they aren't #1 on my list, tbh, is that if i have to pick between whores or fisherman, 80% of the time, I'm picking whores 100% of the time. In all seriousness, they look pretty good.
3) My third worst team of the best will come as a bit of a surprise. I figured by now, with the amount of posting Bug has been doing, you would all think I would go homer here and push EEA up into a top 3 slot. Well, you're all wrong, and that's mainly because you're all in OPL, and we all know OPL is one giant shortbus driving us all to GLB school. So, I'm putting the Guadalcanal Gunners in this spot. What scares me about the 2nd version of the gunners is not that they scraped the last team and built better dots this time around. Of that they picked up a couple silvers along the way. No, what scares me about Guadalcanal is that John Barber is so confident in his team, he's gone inactive since Jul 10th. That, my friends, is the sign of one confident fucking owner. The rest of us might as well just quit now, tbh.
Plus look at that avatar of the team. Would you seriously think you had a chance against the Marine divisions that fought at Guadalcanal? Ya, I didn't think so.
4) The Legends of Time take the 4th and final home playoff game spot. Frankly, with their win against their WL team, most will be surprised that I ranked them this low. However, I contend that despite being legends of time, they just can't compete with the modern era "stuff," that the top 3 teams use to their advantage. Whores today are much more lethal than they were 100 years ago, fisherman 100 years ago were using sticks and make shift hemp string while today's fisherman have speedboats, 30lb test and ultra reflective lures, and well, George Washington, great man that he was, just wouldn't win a battle with his guys vs. the 1st and 2nd marine divisions of WWII. Which means, LoT's land squarely in the 4th spot.
5) Once again, struggling here to fill this spot. So, I think I will flip a coin. Wait for it, wait for it, OH! Looks like the Syracuse Synergy have landed in the 5 hole. Folks, these guys are a perfect team to place in the 5 hole. Truly, Ronnie and his crew can hit to the holes, move runners, and hit to oppo with power. About as perfect of a hitter in the 5 hole that you can get. Plus, that avatar of Ronnies just makes me want to relax, not gameplan, and frankly, go outside and experience the synergy of the world in relation to the cosmic forces that parlay gravity into daoist trueism. Or, sit on the couch and get high, tbh. Anyhow, Syracuse looks solid and will be a handful for any team.
6) Here we go with the run of the current crop of veteran teams in zeta. In the 6 spot is Berlin. Bearstightend is one of the good guys in GLB, and I can promise you he wins a couple games a season simply because of that. However, on the outside, it looks like he has yet another solid roster this season. Berlin, as always, will make some noise and beat some people. Better watch them, their crafty.
7) Gold Coast Vipers coming back down from WL, will be ready, and hungry, for a competitive season. After a tough go in WL, I can assure you that EZ and the crew learned alot about their team and will parlay that into success this season. I wouldn't sleep on the vipers. They may be small, and have no spine, but they will strike fast and hard like a cobra. (No aus, i didn't say like a cobra kai, just a cobra).
8) Ok, finally, in the 8th and final spot, I would have to take EEA, Manhattan, Sumatra, Razorback,Guam, and Reikohu. That's right, for the first time in GLB, I'm prediciting a 6 way tie for 8th place in lolzeta. Although, I believe it's mathamaticaly impossible for this to happen, I'm going to predict it anyhow.
14-16) In no particular order, and with no malice, I'll guess that Asau, Tonga and Orlando struggle a bit this season. Asau has a young roster, which will serve them well in the near future. Just tough to compete on this level that young. Honestly, I just don't know anything about Orlando or Tonga, hence the only real reason why I have them this low.
All in all, it should be an exciting season in the worst league in GLB history. Lots of good, competitive teams, colorful names and amazingly fun and witty forum banter.
To the teams on top, good luck staying there. To the teams on the bottom, I wish you well this season, and as always, prove me wrong and/or teach me something about your teams.
To the teams in the middle, no need to game plan ever.
MISC numbers and fun predictions
3 - Posts that include "Original OPro team" in the body of the Op. It's always fun to see the old timers come out with new teams.
7 - Over/Under on posts by Great_Aus that have something to do with hate towards Cobra Kai and/or any other GLB team in general.
16 - Number of times Otega will type GG X (insert team name here), bolded, and on time. (Had to give you guys an easy one)
24 - Over/Under on how many hours one of the sullys can go without posting inflammatory and/or not so nice remarks (it's important to note that this number is set by them in the GG thread, and one of them already went "under.") I'm simply resetting and giving them a second chance.
27 - Number of threads Bug03 will start declaring victory for EEA in the preseason. Trust me, he still has plenty of time.
Over/Under on wins for OPL WL Teams in S17
6 - Sin City
6 - Feebs
10- Indy
10 -So Cal
(Going a little conservative here on numbers guys, just FYI)
_________________________
As always, my disclaimer. WHEN, and that's a big when, I post something like this, I do it with no malice involved. I have nothing but respect for all the teams in our league, and the owners/agents who are part of those teams. However, if you incapable of laughing at yourself or others, than I would suggest you skip the entire thread, walk out your front door and take notice that there is "stuff" outside of the computer room called "grass," "rivers," "lakes," and "streams," and sign up to partake in one of the many "activities" that happen in these "real life" areas. And sometimes, your "son" or "daughter" or "wife" or "girlfriend" or "life partner" would like to experience these things first hand for themselves, thereby give you the opportunity to "experience" them as well. In other words, drink a big glass of stfu if you want to bitch and complain about interweb rankings and/or anything I said. Laugh a little.
