Welcome to week 9!
We are half way home with only 500 miles left to go…………
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tM0sTNtWDiI
Ok, so this is the Mid Season Issue!! Yay! (Applause now)
This is where I grade your first half of the season, but it’s also the point where things start to pick up in the competition.
If you can’t bring it on, then just move on.
Also, I’m trying to attract some new sponsors with a couple well p[laced advertisements of government trusted companies and their “scientifically proven to be good for you” products.
So I found these old ads from the 1950's and found them to be so very awesome in terms of advertising prowess.
I in no way endorse these products and in no way claim to have any kind of social responsibility either.
The Hot Chick Lounge is Getting Close to Capacity!!
Uh-oh, it looks like the Hot Chick Lounge might be getting a visit from the fire marshal with the crap teams getting booted from competition and sent to the Lounge. If you are thinking of swinging by for a steak and a beer, you might just have to call ahead to see if they have a table open.
The Alexandrovsk Conquerors are the latest Alpha casualty to be sent packing it in. They will be conquering bottles of brew from now on.
Te Revolution is over and the reigning teams in zeta are still in power! The Russian Revolution was sent to the Lounge today, it turns out it was nothing more than a group of 3 or 4 Ruski’s all swaggered up on Vodka and pierogies trying to get into a Bjork concert. You crazy Ruski’s.
And the Warriors were shut down in Bucharest. The Warriors went willingly and quietly, which is exactly why they are being sent to the Hot Chick Lounge.
***SA’s Player of the Week***
ThePOW this week goes to the rushing duo of the Arkadak Arsenal, ALL-DAY ADRIANPETERSON BEAVER and Michael Ford! Yay!
The 2 HB’s ran wild over the Sea Wasp defense for 339 yards rushing and 2 TD’s and their rushing set up the game winning TD by FB Bob the blocker to win it in OT!
So here’s to you, ALL-DAY ADRIANPETERSON BEAVER and Michael Ford ………………..
http://i378.photobucket.com/albums/oo227/jason41470/GuinnessBeer.jpg
SALUTE!!
Who is the next to be sent to the Hot Chick Lounge?
Did your team make the grade or did they just get graded out?
No more questions, just read the Sport’s Page and get today’s winning Lotto #’s………..
………I kid, there aren’t any winning Lotto #’s in the Sport’s Page, but just shut up and read it anyway, chuckleheads!!!
Rule #1 about the Sport’s Page, never talk about the Sport’s Page.
Rule #2 about the sport’s Page, there are no rules about the Sport’s Page.
And rule #3 about the Sport’s Page, whenever possible always identify yourself with the secret password of………………..
………………….LET’S DO THIS SHIT!!!
You may or may not agree with them, but this is how I see them.
****ALPHA CONFERENCE POWER RANKINGS****
LW = Last Week ranking
* = Play Off spot clinched
#1 Short Bus Allstars (8-0) LW1 - I won’t waste your time or mine and just say, 9-0.
Next opponent: #10 Stirling Four Horsemen (4-4)
Predicted Finish: 16-0
Half Season grade: A+: what else can you give a team that has Slap Chopped their way through the competition?
Only the Ninjas were even close to beating the Short Bus. Keep the bus rolling in the second half.
#2 Minsk Ninjas (6-2) LW2 - I don’t think you have too much to worry about in this next game. The only thing Alexandrovsk has truly conquered lately are themselves, late at night with a Hustler magazine and a bottle of KY.
Next opponent: at #13 Alexandrovsk Conquerors (2-6)
Predicted Finish: 13-3
Half Season grade: A+: A great first half run. If it wasn’t for the Ballers you guys would be 7-1, but I went ahead and gave you the “+” for coming closest to wrecking the Short Bus.
#3 Arkadak Arsenal (6-2) LW3 – That makes 6 straight wins since starting out 0-2, nicely done. I think Munich will make it 7 for you.
Next opponent: #11 Munich ManiAx (3-5)
Predicted Finish: 13-3
Half Season grade: A: I would say a 6 game win streak since an 0-2 start is a pretty good turn around and worth an A.
#4 Sofia Spiders (6-2) LW5 - GOW once again for you Spiders. Please clean up your webs when you leave.
Next opponent: #7 Old School (6-2)
Predicted Finish: 12-4
Half Season grade: B: I think you guys are right where you should be so far. Beating up on the weaker teams and having trouble against stronger teams has been the make up of your first half.
So a B is what you guys get, nothing terrible yet nothing spectacular either.
#5 Ares Assassins (6-2) LW6 - Watch out for the Sea Wasps, they can beat any good team if your not careful. If you let them hang around long enough you will get stung, so spray the Raid, grab the win and let’s go.
Next opponent: #8 Tyrrhenian Sea Wasps (5-3)
Predicted Finish: 11-5
Half Season grade: B: The win over he Pests certainly shows you guys are no shlumps, but 1-2 against the good teams doesn’t really show elite status either. You guys are solid though, so I give you a B.
#6 Buda Pests (6-2) LW7 - An easy W on your way to the playoffs.
Next opponent: #14 Vladivostok Voodoo (0-8)
Predicted Finish: 12-4
Half Season grade: B+: You guys are right there with the rest of the pack. 6-2 and beating up on the bad teams. But you guys fared well against Ares and beat the Sea Wasps, so an extra “+” is added to your grade of B.
#7 Old School (6-2) LW8 - It’s time for the GOW!!
Brought to you by Lucky Strike cigarettes.
Feeling lucky?
Light up a Lucky Strike and we’ll find out.
http://i378.photobucket.com/albums/oo227/jason41470/50luckystrikedietrich.jpg
Next opponent: at #4 Sofia Spiders (6-2)
Predicted Finish: 11-5
Half Season grade: B+: A real surprise from a former 3A team. You still have yet to beat a good team, but coming close against the Ninjas deserves a “+” to go with that B.
#8 Tyrrhenian Sea Wasps (5-3) LW4 - Another tough team to play. You need to start beating these teams if you want to go deep into the playoffs.
Next opponent: at #5 Ares Assassins (6-2)
Predicted Finish: 10-6
Half Season grade: B-: You guys have played some good teams and ended up 1-3 against them so far. I’ll say a B- because you looked so promising after that upset over Sofia, but have been a little of a let down since.
#9 Sarajevo Black Hand (4-4) LW9 - Whew, a free win. Finally another team will know how you feel by losing so many times.
Next opponent: at #15 Hollywood TimberWolves (1-7)
Predicted Finish: 7-9
Half Season grade: C: Well 4-4 isn’t that bad for a former 3A team. It’s actually pretty respectable, plus you have 4 more legit chances at wins in the second half. I gave a C because you beat the teams that you could beat and came pretty close to an upset of Minsk.
#10 Stirling Four Horsemen (4-4) LW10 - You can either fight the Short Bus and lose, lay down and take the loss or………….RRUUUUNNNNN!!!!!
It’s like my dear old great, great, great, great Grand Pappy SA used to tell me, he’d say, “Those that fight and run away, live to run another day.”
Shit like that just brings a tear to your eye, don’t it?
Next opponent: at #1 Short Bus Allstars (8-0)
Predicted Finish: 6-10
Half Season grade: C-: 4-4 is a pretty decent showing for a 3A team taking their lumps. I boosted you to a C- because of the win over Nolaha.
#11 Munich ManiAx (3-5) LW12 - It was a rough first half and it looks to be a rough second half too. Wtf, just stay drunk and we’ll get through it just fine.
Next opponent: at #3 Arkadak Arsenal (6-2)
Predicted Finish: 7-9
Half Season grade: D-: You guys have the chance to make a respectable second half after a poor first half.
#12 Ukraine Freight Train (2-6) LW11 - Enjoy the W. Maybe next week get another W, but after that it may want to start checking your mail for your official invitation.
No, not an invitation to the playoffs, sillies, you suck this season. I mean an invitation to the Hot Chick Lounge. I know quite a few ladies that have been wanting you to play conductor with you and board your train (wink, wink).
Next opponent: at #16 Saratov Catrades (0-8)
Predicted Finish: 3-13
Half Season grade: D-: Ok, you guys are out leveled and taking your lumps, no big woop. The “-“ was for losing to Stirling and Sarajevo, two teams that you had a good shot at beating. But you will be back next season and it will be full steam ahead for the Freight Train.
#13 Alexandrovsk Conquerors (2-6) LW13 - I think maybe you guys are setting your sights just a wee bit high. Instead of trying to conquer the world or EE Pro, why not go and conquer some panties off of the trashy women of the Hot Chick Lounge?
It’s a helluva’ lot easier than EE Pro.
Thanks for playing.
http://www.bullz-eye.com/gnd/2004/01Murphy/Murhpy-38.jpg
Next opponent: #2 Minsk Ninjas (6-2)
Predicted Finish: 4-12
Half Season grade: F: A little disappointing with the levels and the roster and the conquering and all of that. Maybe next season will be a little better, like winning 5 games.
#14 Vladivostok Voodoo (0-8) LW14 – Click the pic.
http://www.bullz-eye.com/gnd/2004/04Nicole/Nicole-09.jpg
Next opponent: at #6 Buda Pests (6-2)
Predicted Finish: 2-14
Half Season grade: F+: What is going on in Vladivostok? Dunno.
They gots a roster, decent levels, smart fashion sense, what’s the prob’ Roctronic?
I gave a “+” for at least being an all human roster. Hopefully Roctronic and R007C can get things together for next season.
#15 Hollywood TimberWolves (1-7) LW15 - Click the pic.
http://www.bullz-eye.com/gnd/2004/09Kimberly/Kimberly-11.jpg
Next opponent: #9 Sarajevo Black Hand (4-4)
Predicted Finish: 1-15
Half Season grade: F: CPU roster. F=Fail.
Hey, at least it wasn’t an F- (see below).
#16 Saratov Catrades (0-8) LW16 - Click the pic.
http://www.bullz-eye.com/gnd/2004/06Amanda/Amanda-01.jpg
Next opponent: #12 Ukraine Freight Train (2-6)
Predicted Finish: 0-16
Half Season grade: F-: You guys lost to a CPU roster! You guys get the first ever “Go back to playing Hello Kitty” award!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1RpnirvF3vM
*****WEEK 9 ALPHA CONFERENCE PREDICTIONS*****
So I’ll keep track of my predictions week by week just to see if I am any dam good. In the Game of the Week's (GOW) I'll go up against my old pal, the On Line Magic 8 Ball http://av.vet.ksu.edu/flash/8ball/
Yes, I really do consult an On Line Magic 8 Ball.
Here's my prediction record week by week.
Week 1: 5-3 Week 2: 5-3 Week 3: 6-2 Week 4: 5-3 Week 5: 5-3 Week 6: 7-1 Week 7: 7-1 Week 8: 6-2
Overall: 46-18
SA’s GOW: 4-4
Magic 8 Ball’s GOW: 3-5
#8 Tyrrhenian Sea Wasps (5-3) at #5 Ares Assassins (6-2) = Ares Assassins
Game Rating: 5/6 beers
#7 Old School (6-2) at #4 Sofia Spiders (6-2) = Sofia Spiders
Game Rating: 6/6 beers
#10 Stirling Four Horsemen (4-4) at #1 Short Bus Allstars (8-0) = Short Bus Allstars
Game Rating: 3/6 beers
#11 Munich ManiAx (3-5) at #3 Arkadak Arsenal (6-2) = Arkadak Arsenal
Game Rating: 2/6 beers
#2 Minsk Ninjas (6-2) at #13 Alexandrovsk Conquerors (2-6) = Minsk Ninjas
Game Rating: 2/6 beers
#14 Vladivostok Voodoo (0-8) at #6 Buda Pests (6-2) = Buda Pests
Game Rating: 2/6 beers
#9 Sarajevo Black Hand (4-4) at #15 Hollywood TimberWolves (1-7) = Sarajevo Black Hand
Game Rating: 1/6 beers
#12 Ukraine Freight Train (2-6) at #16 Saratov Catrades (0-8) = Ukraine Freight Train
Game Rating: 1/6 beers
*Game Of The Week* (GOW)
#7 Old School (6-2) at #4 Sofia Spiders (6-2) -
Old School is one of the greatest box office hits to ever be played in the downtown Paducah Cinema-plex in the great state of Kentucky!
The Spiders aren’t a movie, but “Arachnophobia” is and if it was here you would have two blockbuster hits going head to head for the most box office receipts ever!
But they aren’t movies, they are just two GLB teams looking for the same win in week 9.
I think if I were a snack at the movie theater concession stand, I would be a Snickers bar. Because it is long and chocolaty, it’s gooey inside and has nuts………….did that sound gay at all? I thought not.
Two 6-2 teams looking to get the whammy over each other in time for the playoffs!
Could there be anything better for a week 9 GOW?
Get to simming this bitch, bort!
Magic 8 Ball says: http://av.vet.ksu.edu/flash/8ball
Question: Will the Old School beat the Spiders?
8 Ball's answer: Yes, definitely.
SA's Pick: Sofia Spiders
Magic 8 Ball Pick: Old School
22/48 beers! – Two extra fabulous match ups in week 9!
The #8 Sea Wasps go after the #5 Ares Assassins in a “Be My Prison Bitch” match! I do NOT want to explain that one.
And in the GOW, it will be the #7 Old School taking on the #4 Sofia Spiders in a “Barn Yard Love” match! That’s where the first one that can actually have sex with a barn yard animal of the opponents choosing and with their eyes open, wins!
Sometimes we like to stretch the limits at the Sport’s Page.
Let’s do this shit!!
Good luck to all the teams in the Alpha!
____________________________________________________________________________
****ZETA CONFERENCE POWER RANKINGS****
LW = Last Week Ranking
* = Play Off spot clinched
#1 Stewart Ballers (8-0) LW1 - If you guys can get past the Niners, it will be smooth sailing until the showdown in week 16 against the Hood.
Next opponent: at #5 Portland Niners (6-2)
Predicted Finish: 16-0
Half Season grade: A+: I knew the moment this season started that you guys were the team to beat.
Don’t believe me? Well just look at this quote from the Pre Season issue:
Originally posted by Smiling Assasain from the Pre season issue
I know the season is just starting, but I KNOW these guys are going to be one of the teams to beat!!
See.
Going 8-0 and getting wins over the Velociraptors and the Blitzkrieg Balls deserves an A+.
#2 C-Town Hoodlums (8-0) LW2 - Leave it to the Hoodlums to be the first team in sport’s Page history that the Sport’s Page had to bail out of jail so they could play in the GOW.
As soon as the nice officer is done giving you guys body cavity searches, get your asses to the GOW!
Next opponent: at #3 Stryden Blitzkrieg Balls (7-1)
Predicted Finish: 15-1
Half Season grade: A+: Nicely done. 8-0 and you are about to embark on a much tougher second half of the season.
#3 Stryden Blitzkrieg Balls (7-1) LW3 - No talk! Just action!
GOW, dudes.
Next opponent: #2 C-Town Hoodlums (8-0)
Predicted Finish: 13-3
Half Season grade: A: The loss to the Ballers is the only blemish on a great first half.
#4 Vilnius Velociraptors (7-1) LW4 - Only two games in the second half that should give you any trouble. Playoffs should be a lock, so just keep the W’s coming until playoff time.
Next opponent: #8 Buffalo WarZone (4-4)
Predicted Finish: 14-2
Half Season grade: A: Glad to see these guys decided to show up and play. 7-1 and getting a win over Portland is a solid A.
#5 Portland Niners (6-2) LW5 - The Ballers and Hoodlums are the only 2 teams on the second half schedule that could hand out a L to you guys.
12 wins is a guarantee, more if you can beat one of the two previously mentioned teams.
Next opponent: #1 Stewart Ballers (8-0)
Predicted Finish: 12-4
Half Season grade: A-: Dam good first half. Just hoping you guys can get a win over the other big boys of Zeta before playoff time.
#6 Chernobyl Aftermath (5-3) LW6 - You guys could have at least 10 wins by seasons end and that should be enough to get you an invite to the Pro Post Season Fiesta!!
Next opponent: at #12 Russian Revolution (2-6)
Predicted Finish: 10-6
Half Season grade: B+: The best showing of a 3A team thus far. Hopefully you can make it to the playoffs through a rocky second half.
#7 Rome Raiders (4-4) LW9 - 4-4?
Really?
Rome is 4-4?
Is it too soon to start thinking about a possible trip to the playoffs for Rome?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3-eavMSBnk
……or maybe not.
Next opponent: #13 Bucharest Warriors (2-6)
Predicted Finish: 7-9
Half Season grade: B-: Nice turn around in the first half of the season. I gave a B- because you guys got a win over a decent Buffalo team and came real close to upsetting the Ballers and Vilnius. Keep it going and don’t listen to Coach Mora.
#8 Buffalo WarZone (4-4) LW7 - Luckily you still have five bad teams left to play.
Unluckily, Vilnius isn’t one of them.
Welcome to 4-5.
Next opponent: at #4 Vilnius Velociraptors (7-1)
Predicted Finish: 9-7
Half Season grade: C-: You guys could easily be 6-2 right now if you had only got wins over troubled Rome and Nolaha teams. Instead you’re sitting at 4-4 looking at Rome’s ass instead of a nice view of the playoffs. C- for letting those opportunities slip.
#9 Nolah K&B Purple Spider Pigs (3-5) LW10 - Beating the Bucks will mean an 8-8 record instead of a 7-9 record.
It’s just about come down to fighting for pride in the rest of your games.
Next opponent: at #10 Jefferson City Bucks (3-5)
Predicted Finish: 8-8
Half Season grade: C-: Well I projected about 8 wins for you Spider Pigs, but no playoff shot. You guys will be much improved next season, like maybe going 9-7 instead of 8-8.
#10 Jefferson City Bucks (3-5) LW8 - There are prolly enough chances at wins to get you Bucks 7 or 8 wins, but it may not be enough to get you in the playoffs.
Next opponent: #9 Nolah K&B Purple Spider Pigs (3-5)
Predicted Finish: 7-9
Half Season grade: C: Coming out of 3A to the Pro’s is like a kick to the nuts. So you cut your teeth in the Pro’s and will be better next season. I think a C is better than expected.
#11 Belgrade Blaze (2-6) LW12 - I think you guys should enjoy one more win before I douse the Blaze.
http://i378.photobucket.com/albums/oo227/jason41470/88801766_41262c9716.jpg
Next opponent: at #14 Hellas Hoplites (2-6)
Predicted Finish: 6-10
Half Season grade: D: Well just like me, I think you guys expected more from yourselves this season. You guys will prolly end up beating the rest of the bottom feeders, but that isn’t enough in the Pro’s.
#12 Bucharest Warriors (2-6) LW14 - Click the pic.
http://www.bullz-eye.com/gnd/2004/02Amber/Amber-44.jpg
Next opponent: at #7 Rome Raiders (4-4)
Predicted Finish: 4-12
Half Season grade: D-: You guys have a decent roster level wise, so it’s either a lack of builds or a lack of GLBalls. Expected a little more from you guys to be honest…………funny, but that’s the same thing women tell me. Hmmmm.
#13 Russian Revolution (2-6) LW11 - It says this on the profile of the Russian Revolution:
Originally posted by On the profile of the Russian Rewvolution
"There is nothing more effective than a bullet in the head to shut people up."
Enjoy the bullet.
Thanks for playing.
http://www.bullz-eye.com/gnd/2004/05Amber/Amber-33.jpg
Next opponent: #6 Chernobyl Aftermath (5-3)
Predicted Finish: 3-13
Half Season grade: D: Not much expected this season being out leveled like you were. So I think a D is very fitting here.
#14 Hellas Hoplites (2-6) LW13 - Click the pic.
http://www.bullz-eye.com/gnd/2004/01Allura/Allura-04.jpg
Next opponent: #11 Belgrade Blaze (2-6)
Predicted Finish: 2-14
Half Season grade: D-: Ok, so you’re under level in the Pro’s, but you did beat the two teams below you, so a D-.
#15 Odessa Mojo (0-8) LW15 - Click the pic.
http://www.bullz-eye.com/gnd/2004/12Amber/Amber-03.jpg
Next opponent: #16 The Cape Town Cubicles (0-8)
Predicted Finish: 1-15
Half Season grade: F+: A young team going through the growing pain process, but being in the Pro’s with a WAAAAYY under level roster gets you an F, but you are a human roster so enjoy the “+”.
#16 The Cape Town Cubicles (0-8) LW16 - Click the pic.
http://www.bullz-eye.com/gnd/2004/12Anne/Anna-42.jpg
Next opponent: at #15 Odessa Mojo (0-8)
Predicted Finish: 0-16
Half Season grade: F: Re-build job going on here. Hopefully we’ll see them again, but for now it’s an F.
*****WEEK 9 ZETA CONFERENCE PREDICTIONS*****
Here's my prediction record week by week.
Week 1: 5-3 Week 2: 7-1 Week 3: 7-1 Week 4: 6-2 Week 5: 7-1 Week 6: 6-2 Week 7: 7-1 week 8: 6-2
Overall: 51-13
SA’s GOW: 7-1
Magic 8 Ball’s GOW: 4-4
#2 C-Town Hoodlums (8-0) at #3 Stryden Blitzkrieg Balls (7-1) = C-Town Hoodlums
Game Rating: 6/6 beers
#1 Stewart Ballers (8-0) at #5 Portland Niners (6-2) = Stewart Ballers
Game Rating: 6/6 beers
#8 Buffalo WarZone (4-4) at #4 Vilnius Velociraptors (7-1) = Vilnius Velociraptors
Game Rating: 3/6 beers
#9 Nolah K&B Purple Spider Pigs (3-5) at #10 Jefferson City Bucks (3-5) = Nolah K&B Purple Spider Pigs
Game Rating: 2/6 beers
#6 Chernobyl Aftermath (5-3) at #12 Russian Revolution (2-6) = Chernobyl Aftermath
Game Rating: 3/6 beers
#13 Bucharest Warriors (2-6) at #7 Rome Raiders (4-4) = Rome Raiders
Game Rating: 2/6 beers
#11 Belgrade Blaze (2-6) at #14 Hellas Hoplites (2-6) = Belgrade Blaze
Game Rating: 2/6 beers
#16 The Cape Town Cubicles (0-8) at #15 Odessa Mojo (0-8) = Odessa Mojo
Game Rating: 1/6 beers
*Game Of The Week* (GOW)
#2 C-Town Hoodlums (8-0) at #3 Stryden Blitzkrieg Balls (7-1) -
Magic 8 Ball says: http://av.vet.ksu.edu/flash/8ball
Question: Will the Hoodlums beat the Blitzkrieg Balls?
8 Ball's answer: Outlook good.
SA's Pick: C-Town Hoodlums
Magic 8 Ball Pick: C-Town Hoodlums
25/48 beers! – Two large mouth bass size match ups this week in Zeta!!
The #1 Stewart balers tries to fend off the #5 Portland Niners in a San Francisco Style Sissy Wrist Slap match! Oooh, there is going to be a lot of bruising and broken nails in this one!
And in the GOW it’s going to be the #3 Stryden Blitzkrieg Balls taking on the #2 C-Town Hoodlums in a “Crotch Soup” match!
That is where we take the worn and sweaty jock straps from both teams and boil them to make a soup. We pair that with a side dish and a fine wine and serve. The first team to down it all, wins! Mmmm, soup.
And nothing goes better with soup than a Lucky Strike cigarette.
http://i378.photobucket.com/albums/oo227/jason41470/81904612_9a33c87f71.jpg
Lucky strike, smooth and nutritious. Pick up a pack today!
Let’s do this shit!!
Good luck to all the teams in Zeta!
We are half way home with only 500 miles left to go…………
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tM0sTNtWDiI
Ok, so this is the Mid Season Issue!! Yay! (Applause now)
This is where I grade your first half of the season, but it’s also the point where things start to pick up in the competition.
If you can’t bring it on, then just move on.
Also, I’m trying to attract some new sponsors with a couple well p[laced advertisements of government trusted companies and their “scientifically proven to be good for you” products.
So I found these old ads from the 1950's and found them to be so very awesome in terms of advertising prowess.
I in no way endorse these products and in no way claim to have any kind of social responsibility either.
The Hot Chick Lounge is Getting Close to Capacity!!
Uh-oh, it looks like the Hot Chick Lounge might be getting a visit from the fire marshal with the crap teams getting booted from competition and sent to the Lounge. If you are thinking of swinging by for a steak and a beer, you might just have to call ahead to see if they have a table open.
The Alexandrovsk Conquerors are the latest Alpha casualty to be sent packing it in. They will be conquering bottles of brew from now on.
Te Revolution is over and the reigning teams in zeta are still in power! The Russian Revolution was sent to the Lounge today, it turns out it was nothing more than a group of 3 or 4 Ruski’s all swaggered up on Vodka and pierogies trying to get into a Bjork concert. You crazy Ruski’s.
And the Warriors were shut down in Bucharest. The Warriors went willingly and quietly, which is exactly why they are being sent to the Hot Chick Lounge.
***SA’s Player of the Week***
ThePOW this week goes to the rushing duo of the Arkadak Arsenal, ALL-DAY ADRIANPETERSON BEAVER and Michael Ford! Yay!
The 2 HB’s ran wild over the Sea Wasp defense for 339 yards rushing and 2 TD’s and their rushing set up the game winning TD by FB Bob the blocker to win it in OT!
So here’s to you, ALL-DAY ADRIANPETERSON BEAVER and Michael Ford ………………..
http://i378.photobucket.com/albums/oo227/jason41470/GuinnessBeer.jpg
SALUTE!!
Who is the next to be sent to the Hot Chick Lounge?
Did your team make the grade or did they just get graded out?
No more questions, just read the Sport’s Page and get today’s winning Lotto #’s………..
………I kid, there aren’t any winning Lotto #’s in the Sport’s Page, but just shut up and read it anyway, chuckleheads!!!
Rule #1 about the Sport’s Page, never talk about the Sport’s Page.
Rule #2 about the sport’s Page, there are no rules about the Sport’s Page.
And rule #3 about the Sport’s Page, whenever possible always identify yourself with the secret password of………………..
………………….LET’S DO THIS SHIT!!!
You may or may not agree with them, but this is how I see them.
****ALPHA CONFERENCE POWER RANKINGS****
LW = Last Week ranking
* = Play Off spot clinched
#1 Short Bus Allstars (8-0) LW1 - I won’t waste your time or mine and just say, 9-0.
Next opponent: #10 Stirling Four Horsemen (4-4)
Predicted Finish: 16-0
Half Season grade: A+: what else can you give a team that has Slap Chopped their way through the competition?
Only the Ninjas were even close to beating the Short Bus. Keep the bus rolling in the second half.
#2 Minsk Ninjas (6-2) LW2 - I don’t think you have too much to worry about in this next game. The only thing Alexandrovsk has truly conquered lately are themselves, late at night with a Hustler magazine and a bottle of KY.
Next opponent: at #13 Alexandrovsk Conquerors (2-6)
Predicted Finish: 13-3
Half Season grade: A+: A great first half run. If it wasn’t for the Ballers you guys would be 7-1, but I went ahead and gave you the “+” for coming closest to wrecking the Short Bus.
#3 Arkadak Arsenal (6-2) LW3 – That makes 6 straight wins since starting out 0-2, nicely done. I think Munich will make it 7 for you.
Next opponent: #11 Munich ManiAx (3-5)
Predicted Finish: 13-3
Half Season grade: A: I would say a 6 game win streak since an 0-2 start is a pretty good turn around and worth an A.
#4 Sofia Spiders (6-2) LW5 - GOW once again for you Spiders. Please clean up your webs when you leave.
Next opponent: #7 Old School (6-2)
Predicted Finish: 12-4
Half Season grade: B: I think you guys are right where you should be so far. Beating up on the weaker teams and having trouble against stronger teams has been the make up of your first half.
So a B is what you guys get, nothing terrible yet nothing spectacular either.
#5 Ares Assassins (6-2) LW6 - Watch out for the Sea Wasps, they can beat any good team if your not careful. If you let them hang around long enough you will get stung, so spray the Raid, grab the win and let’s go.
Next opponent: #8 Tyrrhenian Sea Wasps (5-3)
Predicted Finish: 11-5
Half Season grade: B: The win over he Pests certainly shows you guys are no shlumps, but 1-2 against the good teams doesn’t really show elite status either. You guys are solid though, so I give you a B.
#6 Buda Pests (6-2) LW7 - An easy W on your way to the playoffs.
Next opponent: #14 Vladivostok Voodoo (0-8)
Predicted Finish: 12-4
Half Season grade: B+: You guys are right there with the rest of the pack. 6-2 and beating up on the bad teams. But you guys fared well against Ares and beat the Sea Wasps, so an extra “+” is added to your grade of B.
#7 Old School (6-2) LW8 - It’s time for the GOW!!
Brought to you by Lucky Strike cigarettes.
Feeling lucky?
Light up a Lucky Strike and we’ll find out.
http://i378.photobucket.com/albums/oo227/jason41470/50luckystrikedietrich.jpg
Next opponent: at #4 Sofia Spiders (6-2)
Predicted Finish: 11-5
Half Season grade: B+: A real surprise from a former 3A team. You still have yet to beat a good team, but coming close against the Ninjas deserves a “+” to go with that B.
#8 Tyrrhenian Sea Wasps (5-3) LW4 - Another tough team to play. You need to start beating these teams if you want to go deep into the playoffs.
Next opponent: at #5 Ares Assassins (6-2)
Predicted Finish: 10-6
Half Season grade: B-: You guys have played some good teams and ended up 1-3 against them so far. I’ll say a B- because you looked so promising after that upset over Sofia, but have been a little of a let down since.
#9 Sarajevo Black Hand (4-4) LW9 - Whew, a free win. Finally another team will know how you feel by losing so many times.
Next opponent: at #15 Hollywood TimberWolves (1-7)
Predicted Finish: 7-9
Half Season grade: C: Well 4-4 isn’t that bad for a former 3A team. It’s actually pretty respectable, plus you have 4 more legit chances at wins in the second half. I gave a C because you beat the teams that you could beat and came pretty close to an upset of Minsk.
#10 Stirling Four Horsemen (4-4) LW10 - You can either fight the Short Bus and lose, lay down and take the loss or………….RRUUUUNNNNN!!!!!
It’s like my dear old great, great, great, great Grand Pappy SA used to tell me, he’d say, “Those that fight and run away, live to run another day.”
Shit like that just brings a tear to your eye, don’t it?
Next opponent: at #1 Short Bus Allstars (8-0)
Predicted Finish: 6-10
Half Season grade: C-: 4-4 is a pretty decent showing for a 3A team taking their lumps. I boosted you to a C- because of the win over Nolaha.
#11 Munich ManiAx (3-5) LW12 - It was a rough first half and it looks to be a rough second half too. Wtf, just stay drunk and we’ll get through it just fine.
Next opponent: at #3 Arkadak Arsenal (6-2)
Predicted Finish: 7-9
Half Season grade: D-: You guys have the chance to make a respectable second half after a poor first half.
#12 Ukraine Freight Train (2-6) LW11 - Enjoy the W. Maybe next week get another W, but after that it may want to start checking your mail for your official invitation.
No, not an invitation to the playoffs, sillies, you suck this season. I mean an invitation to the Hot Chick Lounge. I know quite a few ladies that have been wanting you to play conductor with you and board your train (wink, wink).
Next opponent: at #16 Saratov Catrades (0-8)
Predicted Finish: 3-13
Half Season grade: D-: Ok, you guys are out leveled and taking your lumps, no big woop. The “-“ was for losing to Stirling and Sarajevo, two teams that you had a good shot at beating. But you will be back next season and it will be full steam ahead for the Freight Train.
#13 Alexandrovsk Conquerors (2-6) LW13 - I think maybe you guys are setting your sights just a wee bit high. Instead of trying to conquer the world or EE Pro, why not go and conquer some panties off of the trashy women of the Hot Chick Lounge?
It’s a helluva’ lot easier than EE Pro.
Thanks for playing.
http://www.bullz-eye.com/gnd/2004/01Murphy/Murhpy-38.jpg
Next opponent: #2 Minsk Ninjas (6-2)
Predicted Finish: 4-12
Half Season grade: F: A little disappointing with the levels and the roster and the conquering and all of that. Maybe next season will be a little better, like winning 5 games.
#14 Vladivostok Voodoo (0-8) LW14 – Click the pic.
http://www.bullz-eye.com/gnd/2004/04Nicole/Nicole-09.jpg
Next opponent: at #6 Buda Pests (6-2)
Predicted Finish: 2-14
Half Season grade: F+: What is going on in Vladivostok? Dunno.
They gots a roster, decent levels, smart fashion sense, what’s the prob’ Roctronic?
I gave a “+” for at least being an all human roster. Hopefully Roctronic and R007C can get things together for next season.
#15 Hollywood TimberWolves (1-7) LW15 - Click the pic.
http://www.bullz-eye.com/gnd/2004/09Kimberly/Kimberly-11.jpg
Next opponent: #9 Sarajevo Black Hand (4-4)
Predicted Finish: 1-15
Half Season grade: F: CPU roster. F=Fail.
Hey, at least it wasn’t an F- (see below).
#16 Saratov Catrades (0-8) LW16 - Click the pic.
http://www.bullz-eye.com/gnd/2004/06Amanda/Amanda-01.jpg
Next opponent: #12 Ukraine Freight Train (2-6)
Predicted Finish: 0-16
Half Season grade: F-: You guys lost to a CPU roster! You guys get the first ever “Go back to playing Hello Kitty” award!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1RpnirvF3vM
*****WEEK 9 ALPHA CONFERENCE PREDICTIONS*****
So I’ll keep track of my predictions week by week just to see if I am any dam good. In the Game of the Week's (GOW) I'll go up against my old pal, the On Line Magic 8 Ball http://av.vet.ksu.edu/flash/8ball/
Yes, I really do consult an On Line Magic 8 Ball.
Here's my prediction record week by week.
Week 1: 5-3 Week 2: 5-3 Week 3: 6-2 Week 4: 5-3 Week 5: 5-3 Week 6: 7-1 Week 7: 7-1 Week 8: 6-2
Overall: 46-18
SA’s GOW: 4-4
Magic 8 Ball’s GOW: 3-5
#8 Tyrrhenian Sea Wasps (5-3) at #5 Ares Assassins (6-2) = Ares Assassins
Game Rating: 5/6 beers
#7 Old School (6-2) at #4 Sofia Spiders (6-2) = Sofia Spiders
Game Rating: 6/6 beers
#10 Stirling Four Horsemen (4-4) at #1 Short Bus Allstars (8-0) = Short Bus Allstars
Game Rating: 3/6 beers
#11 Munich ManiAx (3-5) at #3 Arkadak Arsenal (6-2) = Arkadak Arsenal
Game Rating: 2/6 beers
#2 Minsk Ninjas (6-2) at #13 Alexandrovsk Conquerors (2-6) = Minsk Ninjas
Game Rating: 2/6 beers
#14 Vladivostok Voodoo (0-8) at #6 Buda Pests (6-2) = Buda Pests
Game Rating: 2/6 beers
#9 Sarajevo Black Hand (4-4) at #15 Hollywood TimberWolves (1-7) = Sarajevo Black Hand
Game Rating: 1/6 beers
#12 Ukraine Freight Train (2-6) at #16 Saratov Catrades (0-8) = Ukraine Freight Train
Game Rating: 1/6 beers
*Game Of The Week* (GOW)
#7 Old School (6-2) at #4 Sofia Spiders (6-2) -
Old School is one of the greatest box office hits to ever be played in the downtown Paducah Cinema-plex in the great state of Kentucky!
The Spiders aren’t a movie, but “Arachnophobia” is and if it was here you would have two blockbuster hits going head to head for the most box office receipts ever!
But they aren’t movies, they are just two GLB teams looking for the same win in week 9.
I think if I were a snack at the movie theater concession stand, I would be a Snickers bar. Because it is long and chocolaty, it’s gooey inside and has nuts………….did that sound gay at all? I thought not.
Two 6-2 teams looking to get the whammy over each other in time for the playoffs!
Could there be anything better for a week 9 GOW?
Get to simming this bitch, bort!
Magic 8 Ball says: http://av.vet.ksu.edu/flash/8ball
Question: Will the Old School beat the Spiders?
8 Ball's answer: Yes, definitely.
SA's Pick: Sofia Spiders
Magic 8 Ball Pick: Old School
22/48 beers! – Two extra fabulous match ups in week 9!
The #8 Sea Wasps go after the #5 Ares Assassins in a “Be My Prison Bitch” match! I do NOT want to explain that one.
And in the GOW, it will be the #7 Old School taking on the #4 Sofia Spiders in a “Barn Yard Love” match! That’s where the first one that can actually have sex with a barn yard animal of the opponents choosing and with their eyes open, wins!
Sometimes we like to stretch the limits at the Sport’s Page.
Let’s do this shit!!
Good luck to all the teams in the Alpha!
____________________________________________________________________________
****ZETA CONFERENCE POWER RANKINGS****
LW = Last Week Ranking
* = Play Off spot clinched
#1 Stewart Ballers (8-0) LW1 - If you guys can get past the Niners, it will be smooth sailing until the showdown in week 16 against the Hood.
Next opponent: at #5 Portland Niners (6-2)
Predicted Finish: 16-0
Half Season grade: A+: I knew the moment this season started that you guys were the team to beat.
Don’t believe me? Well just look at this quote from the Pre Season issue:
Originally posted by Smiling Assasain from the Pre season issue
I know the season is just starting, but I KNOW these guys are going to be one of the teams to beat!!
See.
Going 8-0 and getting wins over the Velociraptors and the Blitzkrieg Balls deserves an A+.
#2 C-Town Hoodlums (8-0) LW2 - Leave it to the Hoodlums to be the first team in sport’s Page history that the Sport’s Page had to bail out of jail so they could play in the GOW.
As soon as the nice officer is done giving you guys body cavity searches, get your asses to the GOW!
Next opponent: at #3 Stryden Blitzkrieg Balls (7-1)
Predicted Finish: 15-1
Half Season grade: A+: Nicely done. 8-0 and you are about to embark on a much tougher second half of the season.
#3 Stryden Blitzkrieg Balls (7-1) LW3 - No talk! Just action!
GOW, dudes.
Next opponent: #2 C-Town Hoodlums (8-0)
Predicted Finish: 13-3
Half Season grade: A: The loss to the Ballers is the only blemish on a great first half.
#4 Vilnius Velociraptors (7-1) LW4 - Only two games in the second half that should give you any trouble. Playoffs should be a lock, so just keep the W’s coming until playoff time.
Next opponent: #8 Buffalo WarZone (4-4)
Predicted Finish: 14-2
Half Season grade: A: Glad to see these guys decided to show up and play. 7-1 and getting a win over Portland is a solid A.
#5 Portland Niners (6-2) LW5 - The Ballers and Hoodlums are the only 2 teams on the second half schedule that could hand out a L to you guys.
12 wins is a guarantee, more if you can beat one of the two previously mentioned teams.
Next opponent: #1 Stewart Ballers (8-0)
Predicted Finish: 12-4
Half Season grade: A-: Dam good first half. Just hoping you guys can get a win over the other big boys of Zeta before playoff time.
#6 Chernobyl Aftermath (5-3) LW6 - You guys could have at least 10 wins by seasons end and that should be enough to get you an invite to the Pro Post Season Fiesta!!
Next opponent: at #12 Russian Revolution (2-6)
Predicted Finish: 10-6
Half Season grade: B+: The best showing of a 3A team thus far. Hopefully you can make it to the playoffs through a rocky second half.
#7 Rome Raiders (4-4) LW9 - 4-4?
Really?
Rome is 4-4?
Is it too soon to start thinking about a possible trip to the playoffs for Rome?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3-eavMSBnk
……or maybe not.
Next opponent: #13 Bucharest Warriors (2-6)
Predicted Finish: 7-9
Half Season grade: B-: Nice turn around in the first half of the season. I gave a B- because you guys got a win over a decent Buffalo team and came real close to upsetting the Ballers and Vilnius. Keep it going and don’t listen to Coach Mora.
#8 Buffalo WarZone (4-4) LW7 - Luckily you still have five bad teams left to play.
Unluckily, Vilnius isn’t one of them.
Welcome to 4-5.
Next opponent: at #4 Vilnius Velociraptors (7-1)
Predicted Finish: 9-7
Half Season grade: C-: You guys could easily be 6-2 right now if you had only got wins over troubled Rome and Nolaha teams. Instead you’re sitting at 4-4 looking at Rome’s ass instead of a nice view of the playoffs. C- for letting those opportunities slip.
#9 Nolah K&B Purple Spider Pigs (3-5) LW10 - Beating the Bucks will mean an 8-8 record instead of a 7-9 record.
It’s just about come down to fighting for pride in the rest of your games.
Next opponent: at #10 Jefferson City Bucks (3-5)
Predicted Finish: 8-8
Half Season grade: C-: Well I projected about 8 wins for you Spider Pigs, but no playoff shot. You guys will be much improved next season, like maybe going 9-7 instead of 8-8.
#10 Jefferson City Bucks (3-5) LW8 - There are prolly enough chances at wins to get you Bucks 7 or 8 wins, but it may not be enough to get you in the playoffs.
Next opponent: #9 Nolah K&B Purple Spider Pigs (3-5)
Predicted Finish: 7-9
Half Season grade: C: Coming out of 3A to the Pro’s is like a kick to the nuts. So you cut your teeth in the Pro’s and will be better next season. I think a C is better than expected.
#11 Belgrade Blaze (2-6) LW12 - I think you guys should enjoy one more win before I douse the Blaze.
http://i378.photobucket.com/albums/oo227/jason41470/88801766_41262c9716.jpg
Next opponent: at #14 Hellas Hoplites (2-6)
Predicted Finish: 6-10
Half Season grade: D: Well just like me, I think you guys expected more from yourselves this season. You guys will prolly end up beating the rest of the bottom feeders, but that isn’t enough in the Pro’s.
#12 Bucharest Warriors (2-6) LW14 - Click the pic.
http://www.bullz-eye.com/gnd/2004/02Amber/Amber-44.jpg
Next opponent: at #7 Rome Raiders (4-4)
Predicted Finish: 4-12
Half Season grade: D-: You guys have a decent roster level wise, so it’s either a lack of builds or a lack of GLBalls. Expected a little more from you guys to be honest…………funny, but that’s the same thing women tell me. Hmmmm.
#13 Russian Revolution (2-6) LW11 - It says this on the profile of the Russian Revolution:
Originally posted by On the profile of the Russian Rewvolution
"There is nothing more effective than a bullet in the head to shut people up."
Enjoy the bullet.
Thanks for playing.
http://www.bullz-eye.com/gnd/2004/05Amber/Amber-33.jpg
Next opponent: #6 Chernobyl Aftermath (5-3)
Predicted Finish: 3-13
Half Season grade: D: Not much expected this season being out leveled like you were. So I think a D is very fitting here.
#14 Hellas Hoplites (2-6) LW13 - Click the pic.
http://www.bullz-eye.com/gnd/2004/01Allura/Allura-04.jpg
Next opponent: #11 Belgrade Blaze (2-6)
Predicted Finish: 2-14
Half Season grade: D-: Ok, so you’re under level in the Pro’s, but you did beat the two teams below you, so a D-.
#15 Odessa Mojo (0-8) LW15 - Click the pic.
http://www.bullz-eye.com/gnd/2004/12Amber/Amber-03.jpg
Next opponent: #16 The Cape Town Cubicles (0-8)
Predicted Finish: 1-15
Half Season grade: F+: A young team going through the growing pain process, but being in the Pro’s with a WAAAAYY under level roster gets you an F, but you are a human roster so enjoy the “+”.
#16 The Cape Town Cubicles (0-8) LW16 - Click the pic.
http://www.bullz-eye.com/gnd/2004/12Anne/Anna-42.jpg
Next opponent: at #15 Odessa Mojo (0-8)
Predicted Finish: 0-16
Half Season grade: F: Re-build job going on here. Hopefully we’ll see them again, but for now it’s an F.
*****WEEK 9 ZETA CONFERENCE PREDICTIONS*****
Here's my prediction record week by week.
Week 1: 5-3 Week 2: 7-1 Week 3: 7-1 Week 4: 6-2 Week 5: 7-1 Week 6: 6-2 Week 7: 7-1 week 8: 6-2
Overall: 51-13
SA’s GOW: 7-1
Magic 8 Ball’s GOW: 4-4
#2 C-Town Hoodlums (8-0) at #3 Stryden Blitzkrieg Balls (7-1) = C-Town Hoodlums
Game Rating: 6/6 beers
#1 Stewart Ballers (8-0) at #5 Portland Niners (6-2) = Stewart Ballers
Game Rating: 6/6 beers
#8 Buffalo WarZone (4-4) at #4 Vilnius Velociraptors (7-1) = Vilnius Velociraptors
Game Rating: 3/6 beers
#9 Nolah K&B Purple Spider Pigs (3-5) at #10 Jefferson City Bucks (3-5) = Nolah K&B Purple Spider Pigs
Game Rating: 2/6 beers
#6 Chernobyl Aftermath (5-3) at #12 Russian Revolution (2-6) = Chernobyl Aftermath
Game Rating: 3/6 beers
#13 Bucharest Warriors (2-6) at #7 Rome Raiders (4-4) = Rome Raiders
Game Rating: 2/6 beers
#11 Belgrade Blaze (2-6) at #14 Hellas Hoplites (2-6) = Belgrade Blaze
Game Rating: 2/6 beers
#16 The Cape Town Cubicles (0-8) at #15 Odessa Mojo (0-8) = Odessa Mojo
Game Rating: 1/6 beers
*Game Of The Week* (GOW)
#2 C-Town Hoodlums (8-0) at #3 Stryden Blitzkrieg Balls (7-1) -
Magic 8 Ball says: http://av.vet.ksu.edu/flash/8ball
Question: Will the Hoodlums beat the Blitzkrieg Balls?
8 Ball's answer: Outlook good.
SA's Pick: C-Town Hoodlums
Magic 8 Ball Pick: C-Town Hoodlums
25/48 beers! – Two large mouth bass size match ups this week in Zeta!!
The #1 Stewart balers tries to fend off the #5 Portland Niners in a San Francisco Style Sissy Wrist Slap match! Oooh, there is going to be a lot of bruising and broken nails in this one!
And in the GOW it’s going to be the #3 Stryden Blitzkrieg Balls taking on the #2 C-Town Hoodlums in a “Crotch Soup” match!
That is where we take the worn and sweaty jock straps from both teams and boil them to make a soup. We pair that with a side dish and a fine wine and serve. The first team to down it all, wins! Mmmm, soup.
And nothing goes better with soup than a Lucky Strike cigarette.
http://i378.photobucket.com/albums/oo227/jason41470/81904612_9a33c87f71.jpg
Lucky strike, smooth and nutritious. Pick up a pack today!
Let’s do this shit!!
Good luck to all the teams in Zeta!
Edited by Smiling Assasain on Feb 26, 2010 22:22:15
