Warrior General Games

Welcome to week 2!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOgCjTXVnWk
And what a great week 2 it should be!

This week we have the #1 and #2 teams of BOTH conferences taking each other on to decide who will be the #1 teams over each conference!

The Stryden Blitzkrieg Balls won the first GOW of the season and it was a goodun’!
They beat the ManiAx by a score of 38-26. Great job, Ball Blitzers!
A lot of close games were played last week, but it was the Alpha Conference that won the Inter-Conference War last week by getting 9 wins to the Zeta Conference's 7.
Congrats to the Alpha Conference and here is your title..............
http://i378.photobucket.com/albums/oo227/jason41470/jr_title_belt_edit.jpg
.........and to the Zeta Conference, thanks for playing.

And three teams have been sent off to the Hot Chick Lounge for the rest of the season! Yay!
The Saratov Catrades and the Hollywood TimberWolves from Alpha and the Cape Town Cubicles from Zeta!
Enjoy your time in the lounge and thanks for playing.


Reader Mailbag!
Ok, so every season I like to open up the reader mailbag and answer some of the fan mail that keeps pouring in.
It’s my way of giving back to the community and counts as community service hours when I get jail time.

TMatthew304 from Sarajevo writes, “Dear SA ……………….”
Originally posted by TMathew304
I’m new to the SA pages, and I gotta say that I love it. Great write up man. Looking forward to seeing them in the future.
Oh, a new subscriber? Well with every new subscription there comes a free beer!
http://i378.photobucket.com/albums/oo227/jason41470/beer4.jpg
Enjoy.

……and Blln4lyf from parts unknown wrote in to say………….
Originally posted by blln4lyf
Pigs just signed Sleazy, from Coco Blaze last season. Have fun trying to stop him gents.
Wasn’t he one of the seven dwarves?

……..Thundercat12 out of Belgrade e-mailed in………….
Originally posted by Thundercat_12
SA's have kick ass writeups all season! Best part is when a team gets kicked to Hot Chick Lounge!
Actually the best part is what the hot chicks DO to those teams inside the Hot Chick Lounge.
The worst part is the mess that I have to clean up that they leave behind from what happens to them in the Hot Chick Lounge. Never have a Bukkake Night. Yuchy poo.

…..BigRaguDTD from Munich, Germany writes us, “Dear SA…………….”
Originally posted by BigRagu DTD
SA for president!
Is that even a real job anymore?

………..and ol’ Lemdog out of C-Town PM’d me to say…………..”
Originally posted by lemdog
I love the write ups, and that's all that really matters TBH
Dude……………they love you too, man. They love you too. *group hug*

……Chadj19 from Stewart called in a few minutes ago……………….
Originally posted by chadj19
SA MY MOTHER F'N JACKASS IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love it baby!!!! And what you mean your FB has a bad build???? That is the best built ass my HB has ever stood behind!!!
Well, yes, I do have a nice ass. Guilty as charged. *SA blushes*

……Sturge from Sofia writes to me, “Dear SA………………
Originally posted by sturge
Man, its been a long time since I've seen a good writeup like this. While I disagree with a lot of the rankings, I appreciate the time you put into it. It's WAY better than seeing rankings/predictions done mathematically.
Well if you liked the Sport’s Page you’ll love the musical I directed during my short stint in Leavenworth.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=it6Q6HJBuAs

……and all the way from Ukraine, Numone writes in to say…………..
Originally posted by numone
ohhhhhhh SA's thread gets sticky up here, me likes
Oh crap!
Numone, I’m sorry you got one of the sticky issues of the Sport’s Page, I thought I cleaned my mess up and…………………oh, the THREAD got “stickied”……………….never mind and if the pages are stuck together, please disregard this response.


And that will do it for the mailbag. Thanks for the nice words and comments. We here at the Sport’s Page try to make every effort that each and every reader is 100% satisfied with a no money back guarantee.


***SA’s Player of the Week***
Ares Assassins QB Jaws Jaworski is the first SA’s POW recipient this season!
He threw for 211 yards passing for 58% completions and 1 TD helped the Assassins earn their first win of the season in a hard fought win over the Bucks, 19-13.
So here’s to you, Jaws Jaworski………………..
http://i378.photobucket.com/albums/oo227/jason41470/GuinnessBeer.jpg
SALUTE!!


Who will be the #1 team in the conferences?
Will there be new #2’s?
Will you ever stop asking these questions and just read the Sport’s Page?!.......chuckle heads!!

Sometimes it is good to hear nothing but the deadly silence of the wind, except for when the wind is silent but deadly………. I think the great Chinese philosophizer Confusedus said that. I believe he also said………………

………………….LET’S DO THIS SHIT!!!



You may or may not agree with them, but this is how I see them.

****ALPHA CONFERENCE POWER RANKINGS****

LW = Last Week ranking
* = Play Off spot clinched


#1 Sofia Spiders (1-0) LW2 - No talking here, just go straight to the GOW and get it on!
Next opponent: at #2 Ares Assassins (1-0)

#2 Ares Assassins (1-0) LW3 -
Go to the GOW.
Do not pass go.
Do not collect $200.
Next opponent: #1 Sofia Spiders (1-0)

#3 Short Bus Allstars (1-0) LW4 - 109-3 over Bucharest?
If you can do the same against the Voodoo, no more short buses for you. It will be long stretch Hummers for you guys.
Besides, the two teams ahead of you are duking it out this week, so it would be a perfect time to secure the #2 spot.
Next opponent: #13 Vladivostok Voodoo (0-1)

#4 Old School (1-0) LW6 - Well Old School certainly went old school on the Mojo, 131-3. So to celebrate the Old School win let’s hear something a little old school……………
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8bSpLKAhKc
Now that is ol’ skool!
Next opponent: at #10 Munich ManiAx (0-1)

#5 Buda Pests (1-0) LW7 - Whew! You Pests just squeaked by the Blaze, 13-9. But a win is a win and the 1-0 record is all that matters.
But let’s not take any chances with the Arsenal up next, just grab the W and head back home.
Next opponent: at #12 Arkadak Arsenal (0-1)

#6 Tyrrhenian Sea Wasps (1-0) LW9 - Well I thought this next game would be an easy win, but it looks like the Ninjas are going to make a game of it this season.
So let’s hope the Ninjas are all like this ninja…………….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEtIoGQxqQs
Next opponent: #14 Minsk Ninjas (0-1)

#7 Sarajevo Black Hand (1-0) LW11 - Well that was a glorious spanking you put on the incredibly bad Cubicles. I think you left your Black Hand, hand print on their asses too……
http://i378.photobucket.com/albums/oo227/jason41470/ass-with-handprints-on-it.jpg
Now the Freight Train are up next, so clock back in from the easy win and get to work.
Next opponent: at #9 Ukraine Freight Train (1-0)

#8 Stirling Four Horsemen (1-0) LW12 - Very nice win over the Spider Pigs!
And a win like that over a tough team deserves a………………………
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2RHTiXvELNg
……………VACATION!!!
You aren’t going anywhere, because we are bringing Hollywood to you!
That’s right, all the glam, all the glitter, all the heroin addicts lying in the alleys, we bring all that to Stirling so you can take the day off and feel like you are really in Hollywood!
Have fun, Horsemen and enjoy the free W.
Next opponent: #16 Hollywood TimberWolves (0-1)

#9 Ukraine Freight Train (1-0) LW13 - Ok, ok, ok, Numone, you guys are always way much better than where I rank you in the Pre Season issue, fine I admit when I’m right.
And a 90-9 win over the Revolution shows just that.
But our old pals the Black Hand are up next and you guys don’t get a break from the schedule until week 9.
So you better impose a curfew on those Freight Train’ers and get ready for a very rough first half of football.
Next opponent: #7 Sarajevo Black Hand (1-0)

#10 Munich ManiAx (0-1) LW1 - Good effort, but it came up short…………12 points short.
But wtf can you do against a team that blitzes balls?
There’s plenty of simulations left to go in the season to make up for that loss.
Besides, the target I put on you in the Pre Season issue is gone now.
Next opponent: #4 Old School (1-0)

#11 Alexandrovsk Conquerors (0-1) LW5 - Yay! Your first win of the season is up next!
Congrats and enjoy.
Next opponent: at #15 Saratov Catrades (0-1)

#12 Arkadak Arsenal (0-1) LW8 – Well it was a nice effort in the game against the Hoodlums, but a loss is still a loss. With the Buda Pests up next, you might just prepare for another.
Next opponent: #5 Buda Pests (1-0)

#13 Vladivostok Voodoo (0-1) LW10 - Well it says on their profile the owner has been sober for 13 days and seven nights.
If the first game is a precursor of the season, then you might consider staying wasted day and night.
It’s like my great, great, great grand pappy SA used to tell me, he’d say “SA, if you don’t drink and drive, how the hell will you get anywhere?”
Such wise advice to give a 12 year old, how I miss him.
Next opponent: at #3 Short Bus Allstars (1-0)

#14 Minsk Ninjas (0-1) LW14 - Well I would like to be the first to say congrats to the Ninjas for putting together a nice team. Looks like they have added some players to the roster and are going to try and make this a competitive season.
Thank you.
I thought for sure the Hot Chick Lounge was the answer for you, but I am happy to say it isn’t.
Job well done, lalonghorn!
Next opponent: at #6 Tyrrhenian Sea Wasps (1-0)

#15 Saratov Catrades (0-1) LW15 - Our first Hot Chick Lounge casualty of the season.
All CPU, so off to the Lounge with you.
Thanks for playing.
http://www.bullz-eye.com/gnd/2004/11Tracy/Tracy-06.jpg
Next opponent: #11 Alexandrovsk Conquerors (0-1)

#16 Hollywood TimberWolves (0-1) LW16 - So everyone should now say goodbye to Hollywood……………….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEoDLUJr8J8
So it’s off to the Hot Chick Lounge with you sheep in TimberWolves clothing. No shirt, no shoes, no chance in hell.
Thanks for playing and we have some lovely parting gifts for you.
http://www.bullz-eye.com/gnd/2004/10Naomi/Naomi-03.jpg
Next opponent: at #8 Stirling Four Horsemen (1-0)


*****WEEK 2 ALPHA CONFERENCE PREDICTIONS*****

So I’ll keep track of my predictions week by week just to see if I am any dam good. In the Game of the Week's (GOW) I'll go up against my old pal, the On Line Magic 8 Ball http://av.vet.ksu.edu/flash/8ball/
Yes, I really do consult an On Line Magic 8 Ball.

Here's my prediction record week by week.

Week 1: 5-3

Overall: 5-3
SA’s GOW: 0-1
Magic 8 Ball’s GOW: 0-1


#1 Sofia Spiders (1-0) at #2 Ares Assassins (1-0) = Sofia Spiders
Game Rating: 6/6 beers – fuck it, get a 12 pack and a couple shots for this one!

#5 Buda Pests (1-0) at #12 Arkadak Arsenal (0-1) = Buda Pests
Game Rating: 3/6 beers

#7 Sarajevo Black Hand (1-0) at #9 Ukraine Freight Train (1-0) = Ukraine Freight Train
Game Rating: 5/6 beers

#4 Old School (1-0) at #10 Munich ManiAx (0-1) = Munich ManiAx
Game Rating: 4/6 beers

#13 Vladivostok Voodoo (0-1) at #3 Short Bus Allstars (1-0) = Short Bus Allstars
Game Rating: 3/6 beers

#11 Alexandrovsk Conquerors (0-1) at #15 Saratov Catrades (0-1) = Alexandrovsk Conquerors
Game Rating: 1/6 beers

#14 Minsk Ninjas (0-1) at #6 Tyrrhenian Sea Wasps (1-0) = Tyrrhenian Sea Wasps
Game Rating: 3/6 beers

#16 Hollywood TimberWolves (0-1) at #8 Stirling Four Horsemen (1-0) = Stirling Four Horsemen
Game Rating: 1/6 beers


*Game Of The Week* (GOW)
#1 Sofia Spiders (1-0) at #2 Ares Assassins (1-0) -
Holy shnikees!
This great of a match up so soon?!
Only one place built Ford tough to handle this kind of match up…………..THUNDER DOME!!
Well let’s think about this for a sec or two.
We could let them use conventional weapons to fight this one out, but that could take years and cost millions of lives.
Nope, this one calls for something special!
This one calls for something we have never seen before!
This one calls for………
http://www.videosift.com/video/Zoolander-Walk-Off
.......WALK OFF!!!!
Good luck, chuckle heads!
Magic 8 Ball says: http://av.vet.ksu.edu/flash/8ball
Question: Will the Spiders beat the Assassins?
8 Ball's answer: It is certain.
SA's Pick: Sofia Spiders
Magic 8 Ball Pick: Sofia Spiders

26/48 beers! – 26 beers! What a way to start off week 2!!
You want match ups?
Well we got’em, chuckle heads!!
Old School takes on the Munich ManiAx in a battle of former 3A teams!
The Sarajevo Black Hand takes on the Ukraine Freight Train in a battle of undefeated former 3A teams!
AND……..
In the G…..O…..W, we got’s the #1 and #2 teams in Alpha getting down and dirty in Thunder Dome!!!
They battle it out for the right to be called the supreme team in Alpha!!
So fire up the grill, put the beer on ice, order the massage with the happy ending and get your lotion and Kleenex ready, week 2 is here!!
GLB, sometimes it’s better than a day to yourself with a Viagra and a Victoria Secret catalog.


Let’s do this shit!!

Good luck to all the teams in the Alpha!

____________________________________________________________________________


****ZETA CONFERENCE POWER RANKINGS****

LW = Last Week Ranking
* = Play Off spot clinched


#1 Stryden Blitzkrieg Balls (1-0) LW2 - Well you guys are the newly crowned #1 team in Zeta and with a name change to boot, now go defend it in the GOW!
Next opponent: at #2 Portland Niners (1-0)

#2 Portland Niners (1-0) LW4 - The CPU has you as their #1, I got you at #2. You want the #1, go claim it in the GOW.
Next opponent: #1 Stryden Blitzkrieg Balls (1-0)

#3 C-Town Hoodlums (1-0) LW5 - With the #1 and #2 team fighting it out in the GOW, the Hoodlums will definitely be #2 with a win over the Blaze.
Not only do they have a good shot at moving themselves into position for a shot at the top ranking, but they should get an award for most GM’s in the history of mankind!
Next opponent: at #11 Belgrade Blaze (0-1)

#4 Chernobyl Aftermath (1-0) LW6 - Way to nuke the shit out of a crap team by a score of 255-0!!
But now it’s time to go play a team more your speed. Right now there’s 50 feet of snow in Buffalo, so go warm things up with a nuclear Aftermath.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9dt5xT37OA
Next opponent: at #6 Buffalo WarZone (1-0)

#5 Stewart Ballers (1-0) LW8 - 1-0 and 19 more to go!
The Spider Pigs are up next for Stewarts Balls!
So you Spider Pigs shall kneel before Stewarts Balls and feel the full force of Stewarts Balls!
Stewarts Balls are coming at ya’ and there will be no warning when Stewarts Balls come and…………….what? ................it’s Stewart Ballers and not Stewarts Balls?..................oh …………..never mind.
Next opponent: #10 Nolah K&B Purple Spider Pigs (0-1)

#6 Buffalo WarZone (1-0) LW10 - Great win over the voodoo, but let me tell you a little something about war, WarZoners.
War is hell and when you’re in a war there is no love!
Not in a WarZone, not even in a battlefield……………….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z38tAnlFIeo
Next opponent: #4 Chernobyl Aftermath (1-0)

#7 Vilnius Velociraptors (1-0) LW15 - These Velociraptors may not be extinct after all. A nice 48-24 win over the Conquerors in week 1 and now another shot at a win with the Rome Raiders up next.
The Raiders should be thinking this about right now……………..
http://i378.photobucket.com/albums/oo227/jason41470/imageschained.png
Next opponent: #8 Rome Raiders (0-1)

#8 Rome Raiders (0-1) LW1 - Well on the team profile page it says “If you want the championship bad enough, you need to show up to practice!”
With a week 1, 13-27 loss, I don’t think anyone showed up for practice.
Next opponent: at #7 Vilnius Velociraptors (1-0)

#9 Jefferson City Bucks (0-1) LW3 - Well at least you made the Assassins work for their win, but a little R&R is up next in the Mojo.
Just don’t let this happen to you…………….
http://i378.photobucket.com/albums/oo227/jason41470/seriously_what_the_buck_Funny_Faceb.png
Next opponent: at #14 Odessa Mojo (0-1)

#10 Nolah K&B Purple Spider Pigs (0-1) LW7 - If you guys can’t string some wins together early, it will be a llooooonnngggg season for you Spider Pigs. Your first half schedule is as tough as they come.
Next opponent: at #5 Stewart Ballers (1-0)

#11 Belgrade Blaze (0-1) LW9 - Oh shit! What a rough start you guys get in the first three games of the season! All 72 ranked teams, well that just means you’ll have to study extra hard to get the win.
So Blaze on!!
http://i378.photobucket.com/albums/oo227/jason41470/small_joint.jpg
Next opponent: #3 C-Town Hoodlums (1-0)

#12 Russian Revolution (0-1) LW11 - The Freight Train gave you guys quite the beating in week 1, but here is your chance to get your first win of season 14.
Let the people rejoice! The Revolution has arrived, you capitalist swine!!
Next opponent: at #15 Hellas Hoplites (0-1)

#13 Bucharest Warriors (0-1) LW12 - Enjoy the free W. It could be a while before you get win #2.
Next opponent: at #16 The Cape Town Cubicles (0-1)

#14 Odessa Mojo (0-1) LW13 - I’m sure the Mojo are expecting a lot of losses this season, but at least they put a team together and are willing to fight their way back to the top.
So no Hot Chick Lounge for you just yet.
Next opponent: #9 Jefferson City Bucks (0-1)

#15 Hellas Hoplites (0-1) LW14 - Well I just don’t have the heart to pull the plug on these guys yet. They earned their way here and do have a team, so I’ll let them have their dignity for just a little while longer.
Give’em heck, Hoplites!
Next opponent: #12 Russian Revolution (0-1)

#16 The Cape Town Cubicles (0-1) LW16 - The first Zeta team to be sent to the Lounge, but not the last.
Thanks for playing.
http://www.bullz-eye.com/gnd/2004/08Keri/Keri-12.jpg
Next opponent: #13 Bucharest Warriors (0-1)


*****WEEK 2 ZETA CONFERENCE PREDICTIONS*****

Here's my prediction record week by week.

Week 1: 5-3

Overall: 5-3
SA’s GOW: 0-1
Magic 8 Ball’s GOW: 0-1


#1 Stryden Blitzkrieg Balls (1-0) at #2 Portland Niners (1-0) = Stryden Blitzkrieg Balls
Game Rating: 6/6 beers – Make a beer run for this one!

#4 Chernobyl Aftermath (1-0) at #6 Buffalo WarZone (1-0) = Chernobyl Aftermath
Game Rating: 5/6 beers

#8 Rome Raiders (0-1) at #7 Vilnius Velociraptors (1-0) = Vilnius Velociraptors
Game Rating: 4/6 beers

#10 Nolah K&B Purple Spider Pigs (0-1) at #5 Stewart Ballers (1-0) = Stewart Ballers
Game Rating: 3/6 beers

#3 C-Town Hoodlums (1-0) at #11 Belgrade Blaze (0-1) = C-Town Hoodlums
Game Rating: 3/6 beers

#9 Jefferson City Bucks (0-1) at #14 Odessa Mojo (0-1) = Jefferson City Bucks
Game Rating: 2/6 beers

#12 Russian Revolution (0-1) at #15 Hellas Hoplites (0-1) = Russian Revolution
Game Rating: 2/6 beers

#13 Bucharest Warriors (0-1) at #16 The Cape Town Cubicles (0-1) = Bucharest Warriors
Game Rating: 1/6 beers


*Game Of The Week* (GOW)
#1 Stryden Blitzkrieg Balls (1-0) at #2 Portland Niners (1-0) -
Quick! Somebody squeeze my balls to make sure I’m not dreaming!
TWO GOW’s with the #1 and #2 teams in them?!?!
It’s like Christmas all over again!
We haven’t had a double header in Thunder dome in a while, but we got one this week!
So let me explain the rules of Thunder Dome.
1) No ass hair pulling.
2) No nipple ripping.
3) No nut sack twisting.
What is allowed?
1) LSD in the Gatorade.
2) Ex-lax brownies.
3) Death by Seagal. That’s where you actually kill your opponent by forcing them to watch the entire catalog of Steven Seagal movies. I think I would rather be water-boarded.
Good luck, chuckle heads!
Magic 8 Ball says: http://av.vet.ksu.edu/flash/8ball
Question: Will the Blitzkrieg Balls beat the Niners?
8 Ball's answer: You may rely on it.
SA's Pick: Stryden Blitzkrieg Balls
Magic 8 Ball Pick: Stryden Blitzkrieg Balls

26/48 beers! – Don’t look now, but we got 26 beers to polish off between three great match ups!
First, the Rome raiders try to notch their first win over the Velociraptors.
Then, the Aftermath square off against the WarZone in a Top 8 rankings battle!
And last, we have the GOW!
The #2 Portland Niners take on the #1 Blitzkrieg Balls in a war that will decide which team shall reign supreme over Zeta!
Definitely make your beer runs early, then turn down the lights, put on the Sade CD, take the clothes off and watch the games.
What? Doesn’t everybody watch GLB like that?


Let’s do this shit!!

Good luck to all the teams in Zeta!

lol this stuff is instant classic

You are the bomb...tic tic

Belinda Carlisle and Vanilla Ice in the same posting......has to be a first.

Good stuff, SA.

wow

Great work!

Lots of Balls in that post. Like it.

Nice work!

That is just totally awesome man! Love the effort and time you put into it!

hobos too high

This is fucking GREAT! Man keep this up. Thank you for the good laughs.

Stupid Assassins. Both kinds... my scout, for ranking us too high in pre-season, and the team, for beating us in Week 1.

Originally posted by adamantenigma
Stupid Assassins. Both kinds... my scout, for ranking us too high in pre-season, and the team, for beating us in Week 1.

Yeah! That goes double for me!!
Plus, when I find out who the asshole is that ranked you too high, I'm kicking him square in the nads!!

Blaze too low! I think you added one more 1 by accident! Please fix ASAP!

Thanks SA!


Hood still suck on my balls! Nothin' but love lemmy!

SA is the man