This was actually a pretty interesting week in the West, which isn't saying much. In other news, Merc was kind enough to start buying his blunt wraps in bulk, and has passed the savings onto the Kampfire. We used this windfall to purchase a space bar for the supercomputer, which we're excited about. On to the rankings:
1) Chicago Hedgehogs - Let's go back in the old way-back-when machine to week 11 of season 7, where the mighty 8-2 Chicago Hedgehogs, whose passing attack was the envy of USA AAA2, came face-to-face for the first time with a 4-6 rookie team to the league. Our plucky newcomers (yes it was Ketchikan, nice job Sherlock Holmes) were struggling to find an identity after the power running game that got them into AAA2 was no longer effective. In desperation, Ketchikan turned to previously unknown QB Terrell Previous and said, "Can you win this game for us, bunghole?" to which he replied coolly, "I'm not a bunghole, you're the bunghole." And the rest was history:
http://goallineblitz.com/game/game.pl?game_id=289312&mode=pbp
Ketchikan went on a tear with their newfound passing attack and somehow made the playoffs, where they almost beat the #1 Cincinnati Owls in the first round (we had beaten them in week 16), freeing the #4 seed Hedgehogs to join USA Pro. Ketchikan got I-slammed to death in season 8, and in desperation, we turned to this random thread:
http://goallineblitz.com/game/forum_thread.pl?thread_id=2476592
We learned from Wise|V|an, he maybe learned some stuff too, and it's interesting to me that the two best passing offenses in USA Pro share such history. He helped us to USA Pro that season, where he stepped down because he had a conflict of interest (his team the Hedgehogs, moron.) Then we played some other games, but the last one doesn't count because I was gone. So that's the story behind Heghehogs-Kamper week. We hope you enjoy it as much as we do. Supercomputer prediction: Hedgehogs - 433, Kampers - (-4)
2) New Jersey Battalion - Oh shit son, you need a new pair of huggies? HAHA YEZIDID! Six straight wins, including over #2 this week, and lost to the invincible Hedgehogs by only 3. In fact, they're 8 points away from being undefeated. The supercomputer has completely forgotten about the first three weeks, and so should you unless you're an elephant and can't.
3) Minnesota Marauders - Still haven't forgiven them for that Chicago debacle. It's gonna take a while, Galk and Mat, you're gonna have to give me some space. Please don't PM me, I'll PM you when I'm ready.
4) Austin Longhorns - Choked on the big stage. Would drop you lower, but fuck it, I don't really care.
5) Ketchikan Kampers Adventure Rentals - Yep, 55 rushes, 300 yards for the Kampers, just another day in the office. Are the Kampers turning over a new leaf, or just fucking with the Hedgehogs' DC? The nation will be glued to their TV set (hopefully in a position where they can see the screen) in what is the obviously the biggest game in GLB history.
6) Bortsville Mystery Nerf - When the playoffs start, some unfortunate team will hear the noise the level 30s would hear in Stranglethorn Vale when I popped out of steath to gank them on my maximized-for-"what character would piss me off the most to get killed by"-nerdrage-inducing female night elf rogue.
7) SOUTH GEORGIA GROWL - THE GROWL JUMP BACK UP INTO A PLAYOFF SPOT BECAUSE THEY BEAT THE MIGHTHAWKS AND THAT'S REALLY HARD TO DO*
*if you're gutted
8) Corpus Christi Illegal Aliens - Fuck the wall/fence/whatever, just put a bunch of hedgehogs on the border. porblem solved.
9) Las Vegas Flyin" Elvis - Playoff teams do not allow Ketchikan to run for 300 yards.
10) Houston Toros - I WANT TO BELIEVE! That would be a hell of a story if they came back from that schedule.
11) Timpanogos Thunder - The gutjob jubilee is over, get to work. Dicks.
12) Northwest Mighthawks - They'll gobble up four teams in the offseason.
13) Dead Man's Hand - Have I already used the joke about whether the "dead man's hand" is like "the stranger"? That shit still cracks me up.
1) Chicago Hedgehogs - Let's go back in the old way-back-when machine to week 11 of season 7, where the mighty 8-2 Chicago Hedgehogs, whose passing attack was the envy of USA AAA2, came face-to-face for the first time with a 4-6 rookie team to the league. Our plucky newcomers (yes it was Ketchikan, nice job Sherlock Holmes) were struggling to find an identity after the power running game that got them into AAA2 was no longer effective. In desperation, Ketchikan turned to previously unknown QB Terrell Previous and said, "Can you win this game for us, bunghole?" to which he replied coolly, "I'm not a bunghole, you're the bunghole." And the rest was history:
http://goallineblitz.com/game/game.pl?game_id=289312&mode=pbp
Ketchikan went on a tear with their newfound passing attack and somehow made the playoffs, where they almost beat the #1 Cincinnati Owls in the first round (we had beaten them in week 16), freeing the #4 seed Hedgehogs to join USA Pro. Ketchikan got I-slammed to death in season 8, and in desperation, we turned to this random thread:
http://goallineblitz.com/game/forum_thread.pl?thread_id=2476592
We learned from Wise|V|an, he maybe learned some stuff too, and it's interesting to me that the two best passing offenses in USA Pro share such history. He helped us to USA Pro that season, where he stepped down because he had a conflict of interest (his team the Hedgehogs, moron.) Then we played some other games, but the last one doesn't count because I was gone. So that's the story behind Heghehogs-Kamper week. We hope you enjoy it as much as we do. Supercomputer prediction: Hedgehogs - 433, Kampers - (-4)
2) New Jersey Battalion - Oh shit son, you need a new pair of huggies? HAHA YEZIDID! Six straight wins, including over #2 this week, and lost to the invincible Hedgehogs by only 3. In fact, they're 8 points away from being undefeated. The supercomputer has completely forgotten about the first three weeks, and so should you unless you're an elephant and can't.
3) Minnesota Marauders - Still haven't forgiven them for that Chicago debacle. It's gonna take a while, Galk and Mat, you're gonna have to give me some space. Please don't PM me, I'll PM you when I'm ready.
4) Austin Longhorns - Choked on the big stage. Would drop you lower, but fuck it, I don't really care.
5) Ketchikan Kampers Adventure Rentals - Yep, 55 rushes, 300 yards for the Kampers, just another day in the office. Are the Kampers turning over a new leaf, or just fucking with the Hedgehogs' DC? The nation will be glued to their TV set (hopefully in a position where they can see the screen) in what is the obviously the biggest game in GLB history.
6) Bortsville Mystery Nerf - When the playoffs start, some unfortunate team will hear the noise the level 30s would hear in Stranglethorn Vale when I popped out of steath to gank them on my maximized-for-"what character would piss me off the most to get killed by"-nerdrage-inducing female night elf rogue.
7) SOUTH GEORGIA GROWL - THE GROWL JUMP BACK UP INTO A PLAYOFF SPOT BECAUSE THEY BEAT THE MIGHTHAWKS AND THAT'S REALLY HARD TO DO*
*if you're gutted
8) Corpus Christi Illegal Aliens - Fuck the wall/fence/whatever, just put a bunch of hedgehogs on the border. porblem solved.
9) Las Vegas Flyin" Elvis - Playoff teams do not allow Ketchikan to run for 300 yards.
10) Houston Toros - I WANT TO BELIEVE! That would be a hell of a story if they came back from that schedule.
11) Timpanogos Thunder - The gutjob jubilee is over, get to work. Dicks.
12) Northwest Mighthawks - They'll gobble up four teams in the offseason.
13) Dead Man's Hand - Have I already used the joke about whether the "dead man's hand" is like "the stranger"? That shit still cracks me up.
