Fans of USA Pro West dot football (all four of them) were glued to their computer monitors this afternoon, with a stunning THREE interesting games on the slate. A couple of teams actually move in this edition of the Kampfire, will it be your team? Hahaha, probably not, you suck. On to the rankings:
1) Chicago Hedgehogs - I have mental images in my head of what many of you guys look like, and for some reason, I always imagine Wise|V|an's posts being read by Lysol from the Mad Real World. I know this makes absolutely no sense, I'm probably schizophrenic or some such shit.
2) Minnesota Moderators - Although, Minnesota = FRIENDS OF KAMPERS to the supercomputer, Galk and co. have been relentlessly trash talking and disrespecting mild-mannered Ketchikan ever since our plucky young upstarts' fluky promotion into the Pros a couple of seasons ago. With the most anticipated matchup in USA Pro history looming in a couple of days, Minnesota has focused their laser-sharp intensity, cunning, and focus squarely upon the hapless Kampers (and their smoke-and-mirrors gimmicks that somehow save them from relegation each season.) Katie bar the door, some bitches is gonna pay what they owe.
3) Ketchikan Kamper Adventure Rentals - Their brutally front-loaded schedule combined with piss-poor chemistry has a weary and bloodied Ketchikan team staggering directly into the path of an oncoming train. Much like a drunken hobo staggering directly into the path of an oncoming train, or a possum staggering directly into the path of an oncoming train.
4) Bortsville Pecan Sandies - Eh, after week six, you'll be able to play mybrute for a while before the playoffs.
5) SOUTH GEORGIA GROWL - PROBABLY A CLOSER GAME WITH KETCHIKAN THAN THE SCORE SHOWED. MY HB HAD ONE OF THE BEST GAMES OF HIS CAREER, WHICH PROBABLY SKEWED THINGS A LITTLE BIT. THIS IS AN EXCELLENT TEAM THAT PLAYED WHAT WAS ESSENTIALLY THEIR FIRST REAL PRO GAME.
6) Corpus Christi Illegal Aliens - Next four games: Bortsville, Minnesota Ketchikan, Hedgehogs. Great opportunity to prove they won't be first-round fodder by winning one or more of those.
7) Austin Longhorns - If you correctly predicted that Jaquizz Rodgers #1 would be the West's MVP leader after five games, congrats, you're a nerd.
8) New Jersey Battalion - The Battalion are in the midst of battling a battery of bad teams.
9) Houston Toros - The poor, poor Toros just can't catch a break, getting CCIA on the ropes only to piss it away. Staring down 0-6 but still very much alive for the playoffs if they can reverse the death spiral.
10) Las Vegas Flyin' Elvis - Whatever.
11) Dead Man's Hand - Will be a force in seasons to come.
12) Northwest Mighthawks - AND THE SANDBAGS FINALLY COME OFF!
13) Timpanogos Thunder - Hahaha, you deserved that.
14) Columbus Bucks - More like Columbus Sucks, amirite?
15) Tallahassee Seminoles - Aren't losing by 150 anymore.
16) DLDT - wat
1) Chicago Hedgehogs - I have mental images in my head of what many of you guys look like, and for some reason, I always imagine Wise|V|an's posts being read by Lysol from the Mad Real World. I know this makes absolutely no sense, I'm probably schizophrenic or some such shit.
2) Minnesota Moderators - Although, Minnesota = FRIENDS OF KAMPERS to the supercomputer, Galk and co. have been relentlessly trash talking and disrespecting mild-mannered Ketchikan ever since our plucky young upstarts' fluky promotion into the Pros a couple of seasons ago. With the most anticipated matchup in USA Pro history looming in a couple of days, Minnesota has focused their laser-sharp intensity, cunning, and focus squarely upon the hapless Kampers (and their smoke-and-mirrors gimmicks that somehow save them from relegation each season.) Katie bar the door, some bitches is gonna pay what they owe.
3) Ketchikan Kamper Adventure Rentals - Their brutally front-loaded schedule combined with piss-poor chemistry has a weary and bloodied Ketchikan team staggering directly into the path of an oncoming train. Much like a drunken hobo staggering directly into the path of an oncoming train, or a possum staggering directly into the path of an oncoming train.
4) Bortsville Pecan Sandies - Eh, after week six, you'll be able to play mybrute for a while before the playoffs.
5) SOUTH GEORGIA GROWL - PROBABLY A CLOSER GAME WITH KETCHIKAN THAN THE SCORE SHOWED. MY HB HAD ONE OF THE BEST GAMES OF HIS CAREER, WHICH PROBABLY SKEWED THINGS A LITTLE BIT. THIS IS AN EXCELLENT TEAM THAT PLAYED WHAT WAS ESSENTIALLY THEIR FIRST REAL PRO GAME.
6) Corpus Christi Illegal Aliens - Next four games: Bortsville, Minnesota Ketchikan, Hedgehogs. Great opportunity to prove they won't be first-round fodder by winning one or more of those.
7) Austin Longhorns - If you correctly predicted that Jaquizz Rodgers #1 would be the West's MVP leader after five games, congrats, you're a nerd.
8) New Jersey Battalion - The Battalion are in the midst of battling a battery of bad teams.
9) Houston Toros - The poor, poor Toros just can't catch a break, getting CCIA on the ropes only to piss it away. Staring down 0-6 but still very much alive for the playoffs if they can reverse the death spiral.
10) Las Vegas Flyin' Elvis - Whatever.
11) Dead Man's Hand - Will be a force in seasons to come.
12) Northwest Mighthawks - AND THE SANDBAGS FINALLY COME OFF!
13) Timpanogos Thunder - Hahaha, you deserved that.
14) Columbus Bucks - More like Columbus Sucks, amirite?
15) Tallahassee Seminoles - Aren't losing by 150 anymore.
16) DLDT - wat
