Warrior General Games

This season so far has been a weekly adventure into how much we can disgrace the once-glorious name of USA Pro West. This week's "highlight" featured the presumptive top team in the conference losing to a team that got beat by an EEPL team 83-9 less than 20 hours prior. Hounds and Wolfpack leaving were the end of an era. On to the rankings:

1) Chicago Hedgehogs - Hedgehogs move back up basically because of Bortsville getting upset, and I'm giving a nod to their QB not being behind any FBs at the moment. Nice job.
2) Minnesota Marauders - Probably a good thing there was no Kampfire last week. Have beaten three 0-4 teams in Western play, but the win over the Purple Penguins was solid even if they exploited a FB to pull it off, so that gives them an edge over the other undefeateds for now.
3) Bortsville Mystery Nerf - We play them ten times, we win one or two, especially with our chem in the shitter.
4) SOUTH GEORGIA GROWL - HOW GOOD IS THIS TEAM? FOR ME, THE JURY'S STILL OUT, CONSIDERING THEY'VE PROBABLY PLAYED THE WEAKEST SCHEDULE OF ANYONE IN THE CONFERENCE, BUT THEY KEPT IT CLOSE WITH GRAND HAVEN IN A SCRIM. WE WILL FIND OUT THIS WEEK, AS THE GROWL FINALLY PLAY A TEAM WITH A PULSE.
5) Ketchikan Kamper Adventure Rentals - Speaking of our low chem, as I watch our defense get gang-juked and miss tackles, I'm reminded of that joke about the guy who asks his doctor, "Will I be able to play the piano after I've recovered from this operation?" "Absolutely." "That's funny, I've never been able to play it before." Sigh, I think the only people that are going to find this Kampfire funny are old Jewish guys.
6T) Austin Longhorns/Corpus Christi Illegal Aliens - Both are good at losing to the East and beating 0-4 teams. Throw Houston in the mix and I'm REALLY confused as to which team is which.
8) New Jersey Battalion - With Bort brutalizing Houston via the schedule, and the Battalion finally surfacing for air with Tallahassee, Columbus, DLDT, and Dead Man's Hand, Battalion are looking good for the eight spot.
9) Houston Toros - Two more games, guys. DON'T GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT COME BACK TO ME YOU'RE NOT DYING ON MY WATCH MAN.
10) Las Vegas Flyin' Elvis - Meh.
11) Timpanogos Thunder - Penises.
12) Dead Man's Hand - Meh
13) Northwest Mighthawks - meh
14) Columbus Bucks - me
15) DLDT - m
16) Tallahassee -

Please watch the final 3 minutes of the Mist/Growl scrimmage.

lol, nice work track

Right now the Summer Rentals are Summer Winning, but come playoff time this winter...

I think Track indirectly called the Marauders overrated. Just for that I'm throwing 50+ times in the Ketchikan/Minnesota meet up.

Minnesota = FRIENDS OF KAMPERS. You're getting paranoid because of the boredom, we have never suggested in any way that you guys are "overrated" or "incompetently managed" or "will still be in USA Pro ten seasons from now" or any such nonsense.

If you'll agree to pass 50+ times on us, we'll give our backs 40 carries. That should be epic!

Imo my goal is to have our QB defeat FBs. Nothing else matters.

Originally posted by WiSeIVIaN
Imo my goal is to have our QB defeat FBs. Nothing else matters. ]

Eh, wiseman v. FBs is a hell of a lot more interesting than say, Hedgehogs v. Mighthawks. This season sucks.

I fart in any FB's general direction.

SHOCK THE MONKEH

How many more weeks until the Marauders fall?

I set the +/- at 3.

Originally posted by Galkuris
How many more weeks until the Marauders fall?

I set the +/- at 3.

Galk is going on record as guaranteeing the win over the hopelessly overmatched Kampers next week! This is like the first legitimate smack talk USA Pro has seen in the last 1.5 seasons that hasn't been couched in the form of catty, passive-aggressive "power rankings." A welcome sight indeed!

EDIT: Actually Galk's post was kinda catty and passive aggressive as well, but it's better than nothing.

If the Kamper Players could read then this would piss us off.

Vegas has set the +/- on pass attempts in the Minnesota-Ketchikan game at 400.