The Daily Crotchsniff Daily American: Early, early morning, June 1st, Gunner Scratchmabutt, AP
Minutes after learning of incredible dangers posed by crazy rasberry ants, the owner of the State of Texas Domination and his "contingency specialists huddle" has determined an official contingency plan for the event that all station headquarters are swarmed by the "paratrenicha species near pubens," a new species of ant that has been swarming Texas residents and attacking numerous Goal Line Blitz All-Stars.
As first noted in this official news report,
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/article3941545.ece
These new species of ant are a threat to all Goal Line Blitz Owners, Players, and GM's.
"I haven't been able to sleep!" said Defensive Player of the Year for the State of Texas Domination, as well as League USA BBB #7. "I have been traveling in from H-Town every morning, but every night before, I keep having dreams of ants destroying my stats, my special ability tree, and even my latest signing bonus! I know that these are some crazy days, but for REAL, being decimated by a swarming group of flea-sized ants? We talkin' bout ants, here man... We ain't talkin' bout no Tigers or Lions or shit... We talkin' bout ANTS!
Other players didn't seemed worried about the impending swarm of doom.
"Man, I been chillin' in the ATX since way back in the day, and I is for DAMNED sure that no flea-sized ant is goin' to be catching up with no Quicky McQuickQuickQuickQuick," said starting Domination running back, Quicky McQuickQuick. "I heard that boy Earl "Tyler Rose" Campbell might have been caught, but Quicky is HERE TO STAY!!!"
Co-GM, and future owner, Austin.Jones, at last report has been sitting at his Apple computer, stationed with the latest in anti-ant equipment.
"I'm so close on the waiting list for my new team," Austin said. "I would be pissed if those bitch-ass ants ganked my waiting spot. I am just worried that they have proved resistant to all sprays, squirts, swatters, and poisons. I mean I have been up all night watching out for these MFers, but MULTIPLE QUEENS? How the hell am I supposed to deal with that?"
It has been impossible to contact Paul Kemp or Longhorn76, owners and GMs of the Austin Orangebloods, but it is expected that these players have already been completely cut off by the "Crazy Rasberry Ant." In fact, as of the latest report, these two have already ran away with the Hookers and Blow promised in copious amounts to the entire time during the offseason.
Houston, Texas residents are considered most at risk, but being that this is being posted over the intraweb, it is likely that those most vulnerable have already been cut off from contact.
Minutes after learning of incredible dangers posed by crazy rasberry ants, the owner of the State of Texas Domination and his "contingency specialists huddle" has determined an official contingency plan for the event that all station headquarters are swarmed by the "paratrenicha species near pubens," a new species of ant that has been swarming Texas residents and attacking numerous Goal Line Blitz All-Stars.
As first noted in this official news report,
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/article3941545.ece
These new species of ant are a threat to all Goal Line Blitz Owners, Players, and GM's.
"I haven't been able to sleep!" said Defensive Player of the Year for the State of Texas Domination, as well as League USA BBB #7. "I have been traveling in from H-Town every morning, but every night before, I keep having dreams of ants destroying my stats, my special ability tree, and even my latest signing bonus! I know that these are some crazy days, but for REAL, being decimated by a swarming group of flea-sized ants? We talkin' bout ants, here man... We ain't talkin' bout no Tigers or Lions or shit... We talkin' bout ANTS!
Other players didn't seemed worried about the impending swarm of doom.
"Man, I been chillin' in the ATX since way back in the day, and I is for DAMNED sure that no flea-sized ant is goin' to be catching up with no Quicky McQuickQuickQuickQuick," said starting Domination running back, Quicky McQuickQuick. "I heard that boy Earl "Tyler Rose" Campbell might have been caught, but Quicky is HERE TO STAY!!!"
Co-GM, and future owner, Austin.Jones, at last report has been sitting at his Apple computer, stationed with the latest in anti-ant equipment.
"I'm so close on the waiting list for my new team," Austin said. "I would be pissed if those bitch-ass ants ganked my waiting spot. I am just worried that they have proved resistant to all sprays, squirts, swatters, and poisons. I mean I have been up all night watching out for these MFers, but MULTIPLE QUEENS? How the hell am I supposed to deal with that?"
It has been impossible to contact Paul Kemp or Longhorn76, owners and GMs of the Austin Orangebloods, but it is expected that these players have already been completely cut off by the "Crazy Rasberry Ant." In fact, as of the latest report, these two have already ran away with the Hookers and Blow promised in copious amounts to the entire time during the offseason.
Houston, Texas residents are considered most at risk, but being that this is being posted over the intraweb, it is likely that those most vulnerable have already been cut off from contact.
