Welcome one and all to the inaugural USA Pro Edition of the Kamper Kampfire. It is with hastened heart, nervous knees, and steely resolve that the Ketchikan Kamper Adventures Rentals humbly offer to this august assembly of imaginary dot football neckbeards our soon-to-be weekly contribution to the fiercest league in GLB (except the East, the East sucks.) From its humble beginnings way back in Season 4 as a lackluster attempt to troll a shitty moderator (cf. http://goallineblitz.com/game/forum_thread.pl?thread_id=885299) to its Season 9 heyday as a lackluster attempt to troll, well, anyone, the Kampfire has long been regard as the go-to source for news and information for today's modern GLBer on the run. But enough puffery, on to the rankings!
1) San Diego Demolition - That's right folks, we're coming out swinging with a shocking pick. The San Diego Demolition are the best team in GLB, as proven last season with their convincing 48-16 win over the Spaniard Quebrantagüesos.
2) Washington Wolfpack - Coming in second is the Wolfpack, who signed a safety from Canada or some other creepy place.
3) Monmouth Evil Monkeys - I have to disagree with the Kampfire supercomputer here, I would have these guys higher personally. They patented the formula for GLB success - WACKY ZANY FAMILY GUY SIGHT GAGS FOR ALL RECRUITS!
4) West Scranton Invaders - The former zillion-time champs of the Oceania Pro League nobly responded to Bort's open plea to fill out USA Pro West with some quality teams, as the conference was becoming something of a laughingstock around the world. If they won in the superior Oceania Pro, they'll win here, but points are deducted for having icebergin on the team.
5) Honolulu Hurricane Warriors - Outstanding free-agent acquisitions have turned this former USA Pro also-ran into a playoff contender.
6) Texas Roughnecks - The ferocious passing attack of the Roughnecks is the stuff of legends.
7) Compton Vikings - I like this team name- I think about "Friday" with a viking in it and it makes me smile. "You ain't catchin' no viking!"
8) San Diego Lightning - The lesser of the two San Diego teams squeaks into the playoffs on the strength of their long snapper, Nick Stonehenge.
9) Minnesota Marauders - Meh.
10) Lincoln Navigators - Oops, forgot to put these guys in higher. This will have to do for now.
11) Chicago Hedgehogs - Lost to Ketchikan by 20 in their only meeting. That's probably not a good sign.
12) Parma Burglars - These guys haven't gutted yet? Really? I'll be damned.
13) NY-CA Ground Pounders - They've lost that season 2 magic, but they're still better than...
14) Ketchikan Kamper Adventure Rentals - Thank God for AAA1, god that league is terrible now.
15) Dread City Diabolicals - Two seven point wins over a team we beat by seventy. Nice.
16) Nashville Hounds - Be careful what you ask for, you just may get it.
1) San Diego Demolition - That's right folks, we're coming out swinging with a shocking pick. The San Diego Demolition are the best team in GLB, as proven last season with their convincing 48-16 win over the Spaniard Quebrantagüesos.
2) Washington Wolfpack - Coming in second is the Wolfpack, who signed a safety from Canada or some other creepy place.
3) Monmouth Evil Monkeys - I have to disagree with the Kampfire supercomputer here, I would have these guys higher personally. They patented the formula for GLB success - WACKY ZANY FAMILY GUY SIGHT GAGS FOR ALL RECRUITS!
4) West Scranton Invaders - The former zillion-time champs of the Oceania Pro League nobly responded to Bort's open plea to fill out USA Pro West with some quality teams, as the conference was becoming something of a laughingstock around the world. If they won in the superior Oceania Pro, they'll win here, but points are deducted for having icebergin on the team.
5) Honolulu Hurricane Warriors - Outstanding free-agent acquisitions have turned this former USA Pro also-ran into a playoff contender.
6) Texas Roughnecks - The ferocious passing attack of the Roughnecks is the stuff of legends.
7) Compton Vikings - I like this team name- I think about "Friday" with a viking in it and it makes me smile. "You ain't catchin' no viking!"
8) San Diego Lightning - The lesser of the two San Diego teams squeaks into the playoffs on the strength of their long snapper, Nick Stonehenge.
9) Minnesota Marauders - Meh.
10) Lincoln Navigators - Oops, forgot to put these guys in higher. This will have to do for now.
11) Chicago Hedgehogs - Lost to Ketchikan by 20 in their only meeting. That's probably not a good sign.
12) Parma Burglars - These guys haven't gutted yet? Really? I'll be damned.
13) NY-CA Ground Pounders - They've lost that season 2 magic, but they're still better than...
14) Ketchikan Kamper Adventure Rentals - Thank God for AAA1, god that league is terrible now.
15) Dread City Diabolicals - Two seven point wins over a team we beat by seventy. Nice.
16) Nashville Hounds - Be careful what you ask for, you just may get it.
