OK guys here we go again. It's time for the regular season to start so here are my Week 1 Ranking sand Predictions for USA PRO WEST.
1. Monmouth Evil Monkeys V Cincinnati Shockers. The Defending Western Conference champs look ready for another season at the top of the West. Monmouth added the #1 HB in the East to play along side last years conference rushing champ Larry Csonka. During the Pre-season Drago and the receiving crew looked like they did back in season 6 when they led USA PRO in passing yards. Defensively the new additions are fitting in well with one of the best units in GLB. It's going to take a hell of an effort by the rest of the Conference to stop Monmouth from defending their title. Evil Monkeys win 35-24
2. Washington Wolfpack V Columbus Woodys. In almost any other conference in GLB the Pack would be the favorites to take the title. An explosive running attack backed up by a solid passing game make Washington a threat to put up 50 in any time out. Defensively they held 11 opponents under 21 points during the regular season. Just waiting to see if the the bulk of their offense boosts for season 9. Washington hopes this is the season they can get that Playoff Monkey off their backs, last year it was an EVIL monkey. Wolfpack wins 38-17
3. Lincoln Navigators V Detroit Demon Lions. The Navs look to show people that their round 1 playoff exit of a year ago was a fluke. They are going to have to do it without one of the best backs in USA PRO the past few seasons in Shonn Greene. The addtion of Asheme and DeWitt to the team should help offset this loss. The Navs D should be solid as always. Navigators win 37-21
4. Minnesota Marauders V Richey Royals. As always Galk will put one of the more talented teams in GLB on the field. This team has been cursed by big turnovers the past few years, but with their players and GM's they have they ability to win every time out. MM wins 49-17
5. Honolulu Hurricane Warriors V Carolina Hammer. Despite having to carry the dead weight of Harpers poorly built players HHW is still a dangerous team. The way the sim plays out this year will be a big factor in their success our failure in season 8. They made some mid season moves last year to turn things around after a rough start. HHW wins 42-14
6. Spicewood Longhorns V CCCC. The Longhorns have an explosive offense both through the air and on the ground. If the can come up with a solid defensive effort consistently through out the season they might sneak into a home playoff game. Spicewood wins 41-24
7. NY-CA Ground Pounders V Las Vegas Gamblers-Based on last season alone this seems to be the class of the AAA teams moving into the west. Give me a few weeks before I can make a real call on them. NY-CA loses 44-21
8. Bourbon Street Bullies V Indianapolis Gurupies. Bottom line is BSB doesn't Gameplan often. They never recruit. They really don't give a crap. Yet the make the playoffs every freaking year. BSB wins 37-10
9. Chicago Hedgehogs V ***Official Footballguys. The Hedgehogs can score points, THEY ALSO can give up points in a hurry. They are a toss up to be any where from a 6-10 seed IMO and for now I see them on the outside looking in. OFG wins 39-34
10. San Diego Lightning V Green Bay Maulers. Jaxx has a solid squad, I don't if all the moves he made were worth the big Chem hit. We shall see how they progress through out the year. Green Bay wins 49-28
11. South Bay Spartans V Washington Bullets. South Bay will always compete as long as the can control the ball with MR. Smith. Their D is solid I just don't think they have enough weapons to compete in the West. Bullets win 34-30
12. Compton Vikings V Pittsburg Steel. The Vikings confuse the hell out of me. I know they care about the dots and I know they have some talent. I just can see them winning enough games in this conference to even make the top 10. Vikings win 37-24
13. Parma Burglars V Alpine Golphers. Bottom line on this pick I don't think RunHards players make up for the loss of Havoc as OC and DC. Simple as that. Golphers win 34-31
14. Texas Roughnecks V OTRRD. More USA Pro Newbs. Let's see how the season plays out for a while. OTRRD wins 42-19
15. Las Vegas Freebirds V NAN. LVF Don't see them being a player this season. NAN wins 24-23
16. Dallas Vaqueros V K-Zoo. Getting a break with this out of conference game could save them from AAA AGAIN. DV wins 31-30
PRESEASON AWARDS BY RJ414
SEASON 9 PRESEASON AWARDS
-----------------------------------------
Since we just suffered through the longest preseason and offseason in GLB history, figured it might be fun to do a few preseason awards. Obviously since it's preseason, none of these really matter and they are not to be taken seriously. Please don't get your panties in a twist if you got passed over for any of the awards... or rather, if you didn't.
Worst Overall Performance, Player - Paul Blake, QB Detroit Demon Lions
Blake opened the preseason with perhaps the worst outing ever by a Pro league quarterback in GLB. He completed 29% of his 82 passes for 1 touchdown and 12 interceptions in a 82-17 shellacking at the hands of Chicago. Talk about tests gone awry. When asked for comment, TSE said he had none, but implied heavily that Chicago's six cornerbacks constituted an unfair amount of depth. The Hedgehogs game set the tone for a miserable preseason; Blake never cleared a 50.0 quarterback rating in the 4 games.
Honorable Mentions - Elisha, QB Monmouth Evil Monkeys; Derek Volgamore, HB Spicewood Longhorns; Blandon Clemmons, KR ***Official*** Footballguys; King Ash, HB Chocolate City Cha Chings
Worst Overall Performance, Team - Dallas Vaqueros
Not that anybody really expected otherwise, but after they were mercifully matched with Kalamazoo in their preseason opener (they will meet the Coyotes again in week 1), they spent the rest of the games getting duly shellacked. Washington and Carolina in particular failed to use protection as they sodomized the hapless Vaqs, drubbing them by a combined score of 176 to 21. It should be noted however, that if not for the head to head victory, Kalamazoo would have run away with this award.
Honorable Mentions - Kalamazoo Coyotes; Columbus Woodys; Northwest Arkansas Naturals
Worst Single Game Performance, Player - Blandon Clemmons, KR ***O*** vs. San Diego Lightning
Ok, lets be honest. The worst single game performance in the preseason was actually Paul Blake against the Chicago Hedgehogs. I mean, that might have been the worst single game played by any player at any position ever in GLB. But in the interest of roasting the league evenly, I didn't want to give one person multiple awards, so Clemmons gets this spot for his materpiece against the San Diego Lightning. Not only did OFG's illustrious return man fail to reach the endzone, he fumbled 7 of 12 returns in this game - including the first four in a row. 4 of his fumbles were returned for touchdowns, contributing 28 points to OFG's 31 point margin of loss.
Honorable Mentions - Paul Blake, QB DDL vs. Chicago Hedgehogs; Elisha, QB Monmouth vs. GBM;
Worst AI Mistake - Alpine Golfers, 5 wide defense vs. NY-CA Ground Pounders (http://goallineblitz.com/game/replay.pl?game_id=545186&pbp_id=1465020)
There were some real doozies in the preseason, most of which had to do with corners being mis-assigned, but for Alpine's blunder against NY-CA's 5 wide set which left WR4 and WR5 completely uncovered wins for sheer egregiousness. Paul Blake was seething with envy as he watched NY-CA Phil Makraken close his eyes and throw the ball in the general direction of the right sideline, and earn touchdowns for it every time.
Honorable Mentions - Northwest Arkansas Naturals, Singleback defense vs. Spicewood Longhorns (http://goallineblitz.com/game/replay.pl?game_id=545214&pbp_id=1466027); Honolulu Hurricane Warriors, Weak I defense vs. Over the Rhine Red Dots (http://goallineblitz.com/game/replay.pl?game_id=545202&pbp_id=1457972)
Best Forum Thread - "Flame Warriors of USA Pro" by Doomsday
Doomsday's application of Mike Reed's flame warrior classes to the USA Pro posters was both hilarious and eerily apropos. Every class seemed tailor made for the agents listed under it. Doomsday provided a topical and entertaining read to all of us waiting in agony for the preseason to go by, and so earns this honor over some great candidates. All in all, not a bad job passing a long offseason and preseason in terms of forum content.
Honorable Mentions - "USA PRO WEST Season 9 Preseason Rankings and Predictions" by coachviking; "vote for kristy" by da raiders; "Pick up lines" by Chop_Lobster; "Hazy's Pre Season Power Rankings" (2 threadS) by thehazyone
Worst Forum Thread - "<<See this face!?" by Buccs99
Seriously Buccs, we neither cared nor needed to know what you look like :o
Honorable Mentions - "USA vs SEAPL?" by bhall43; "MEANING OF WOOT WOOT" by willybob; "USA PRO WEST Season 9 Preseason Rankings and Predictions" by jktooley; "Oh Shitnuggets! What now USA PRO" by Sam Bolster;
Best Thread Nobody Read - "YOU CANT IGNORE THE GIRTH" by Buccs99
Admit it, you laughed - those of you that read it, anyway.
Honorable Mentions - "THIS ISNT A GAME" by JohnnyDollar; "I'm not crying... that's just titty sweat" by Chop_Lobster; "Been busy, but....LULZ to Tim Harper being demodded and gutting his team" by muck dawgs;
Worst Thread Everybody Read - "Name your Wang..." by jktooley
An entire thread devoted to naming our own dicks. Seriously, how bored were we? Some of us hoped and prayed as we clicked this thread that jktooley was in fact inviting us to give nicknames to a few Hurricane Warriors, but deep down we really knew what we were getting into. Morbid curiosity prevailed, and so a long, brain cell killing thread was allowed to develop.
Honorable Mentions - "USA vs. SEAPL?" by bhall43; "Been busy, but....LULZ to Monmouth not winning anything again!"
1. Monmouth Evil Monkeys V Cincinnati Shockers. The Defending Western Conference champs look ready for another season at the top of the West. Monmouth added the #1 HB in the East to play along side last years conference rushing champ Larry Csonka. During the Pre-season Drago and the receiving crew looked like they did back in season 6 when they led USA PRO in passing yards. Defensively the new additions are fitting in well with one of the best units in GLB. It's going to take a hell of an effort by the rest of the Conference to stop Monmouth from defending their title. Evil Monkeys win 35-24
2. Washington Wolfpack V Columbus Woodys. In almost any other conference in GLB the Pack would be the favorites to take the title. An explosive running attack backed up by a solid passing game make Washington a threat to put up 50 in any time out. Defensively they held 11 opponents under 21 points during the regular season. Just waiting to see if the the bulk of their offense boosts for season 9. Washington hopes this is the season they can get that Playoff Monkey off their backs, last year it was an EVIL monkey. Wolfpack wins 38-17
3. Lincoln Navigators V Detroit Demon Lions. The Navs look to show people that their round 1 playoff exit of a year ago was a fluke. They are going to have to do it without one of the best backs in USA PRO the past few seasons in Shonn Greene. The addtion of Asheme and DeWitt to the team should help offset this loss. The Navs D should be solid as always. Navigators win 37-21
4. Minnesota Marauders V Richey Royals. As always Galk will put one of the more talented teams in GLB on the field. This team has been cursed by big turnovers the past few years, but with their players and GM's they have they ability to win every time out. MM wins 49-17
5. Honolulu Hurricane Warriors V Carolina Hammer. Despite having to carry the dead weight of Harpers poorly built players HHW is still a dangerous team. The way the sim plays out this year will be a big factor in their success our failure in season 8. They made some mid season moves last year to turn things around after a rough start. HHW wins 42-14
6. Spicewood Longhorns V CCCC. The Longhorns have an explosive offense both through the air and on the ground. If the can come up with a solid defensive effort consistently through out the season they might sneak into a home playoff game. Spicewood wins 41-24
7. NY-CA Ground Pounders V Las Vegas Gamblers-Based on last season alone this seems to be the class of the AAA teams moving into the west. Give me a few weeks before I can make a real call on them. NY-CA loses 44-21
8. Bourbon Street Bullies V Indianapolis Gurupies. Bottom line is BSB doesn't Gameplan often. They never recruit. They really don't give a crap. Yet the make the playoffs every freaking year. BSB wins 37-10
9. Chicago Hedgehogs V ***Official Footballguys. The Hedgehogs can score points, THEY ALSO can give up points in a hurry. They are a toss up to be any where from a 6-10 seed IMO and for now I see them on the outside looking in. OFG wins 39-34
10. San Diego Lightning V Green Bay Maulers. Jaxx has a solid squad, I don't if all the moves he made were worth the big Chem hit. We shall see how they progress through out the year. Green Bay wins 49-28
11. South Bay Spartans V Washington Bullets. South Bay will always compete as long as the can control the ball with MR. Smith. Their D is solid I just don't think they have enough weapons to compete in the West. Bullets win 34-30
12. Compton Vikings V Pittsburg Steel. The Vikings confuse the hell out of me. I know they care about the dots and I know they have some talent. I just can see them winning enough games in this conference to even make the top 10. Vikings win 37-24
13. Parma Burglars V Alpine Golphers. Bottom line on this pick I don't think RunHards players make up for the loss of Havoc as OC and DC. Simple as that. Golphers win 34-31
14. Texas Roughnecks V OTRRD. More USA Pro Newbs. Let's see how the season plays out for a while. OTRRD wins 42-19
15. Las Vegas Freebirds V NAN. LVF Don't see them being a player this season. NAN wins 24-23
16. Dallas Vaqueros V K-Zoo. Getting a break with this out of conference game could save them from AAA AGAIN. DV wins 31-30
PRESEASON AWARDS BY RJ414
SEASON 9 PRESEASON AWARDS
-----------------------------------------
Since we just suffered through the longest preseason and offseason in GLB history, figured it might be fun to do a few preseason awards. Obviously since it's preseason, none of these really matter and they are not to be taken seriously. Please don't get your panties in a twist if you got passed over for any of the awards... or rather, if you didn't.
Worst Overall Performance, Player - Paul Blake, QB Detroit Demon Lions
Blake opened the preseason with perhaps the worst outing ever by a Pro league quarterback in GLB. He completed 29% of his 82 passes for 1 touchdown and 12 interceptions in a 82-17 shellacking at the hands of Chicago. Talk about tests gone awry. When asked for comment, TSE said he had none, but implied heavily that Chicago's six cornerbacks constituted an unfair amount of depth. The Hedgehogs game set the tone for a miserable preseason; Blake never cleared a 50.0 quarterback rating in the 4 games.
Honorable Mentions - Elisha, QB Monmouth Evil Monkeys; Derek Volgamore, HB Spicewood Longhorns; Blandon Clemmons, KR ***Official*** Footballguys; King Ash, HB Chocolate City Cha Chings
Worst Overall Performance, Team - Dallas Vaqueros
Not that anybody really expected otherwise, but after they were mercifully matched with Kalamazoo in their preseason opener (they will meet the Coyotes again in week 1), they spent the rest of the games getting duly shellacked. Washington and Carolina in particular failed to use protection as they sodomized the hapless Vaqs, drubbing them by a combined score of 176 to 21. It should be noted however, that if not for the head to head victory, Kalamazoo would have run away with this award.
Honorable Mentions - Kalamazoo Coyotes; Columbus Woodys; Northwest Arkansas Naturals
Worst Single Game Performance, Player - Blandon Clemmons, KR ***O*** vs. San Diego Lightning
Ok, lets be honest. The worst single game performance in the preseason was actually Paul Blake against the Chicago Hedgehogs. I mean, that might have been the worst single game played by any player at any position ever in GLB. But in the interest of roasting the league evenly, I didn't want to give one person multiple awards, so Clemmons gets this spot for his materpiece against the San Diego Lightning. Not only did OFG's illustrious return man fail to reach the endzone, he fumbled 7 of 12 returns in this game - including the first four in a row. 4 of his fumbles were returned for touchdowns, contributing 28 points to OFG's 31 point margin of loss.
Honorable Mentions - Paul Blake, QB DDL vs. Chicago Hedgehogs; Elisha, QB Monmouth vs. GBM;
Worst AI Mistake - Alpine Golfers, 5 wide defense vs. NY-CA Ground Pounders (http://goallineblitz.com/game/replay.pl?game_id=545186&pbp_id=1465020)
There were some real doozies in the preseason, most of which had to do with corners being mis-assigned, but for Alpine's blunder against NY-CA's 5 wide set which left WR4 and WR5 completely uncovered wins for sheer egregiousness. Paul Blake was seething with envy as he watched NY-CA Phil Makraken close his eyes and throw the ball in the general direction of the right sideline, and earn touchdowns for it every time.
Honorable Mentions - Northwest Arkansas Naturals, Singleback defense vs. Spicewood Longhorns (http://goallineblitz.com/game/replay.pl?game_id=545214&pbp_id=1466027); Honolulu Hurricane Warriors, Weak I defense vs. Over the Rhine Red Dots (http://goallineblitz.com/game/replay.pl?game_id=545202&pbp_id=1457972)
Best Forum Thread - "Flame Warriors of USA Pro" by Doomsday
Doomsday's application of Mike Reed's flame warrior classes to the USA Pro posters was both hilarious and eerily apropos. Every class seemed tailor made for the agents listed under it. Doomsday provided a topical and entertaining read to all of us waiting in agony for the preseason to go by, and so earns this honor over some great candidates. All in all, not a bad job passing a long offseason and preseason in terms of forum content.
Honorable Mentions - "USA PRO WEST Season 9 Preseason Rankings and Predictions" by coachviking; "vote for kristy" by da raiders; "Pick up lines" by Chop_Lobster; "Hazy's Pre Season Power Rankings" (2 threadS) by thehazyone
Worst Forum Thread - "<<See this face!?" by Buccs99
Seriously Buccs, we neither cared nor needed to know what you look like :o
Honorable Mentions - "USA vs SEAPL?" by bhall43; "MEANING OF WOOT WOOT" by willybob; "USA PRO WEST Season 9 Preseason Rankings and Predictions" by jktooley; "Oh Shitnuggets! What now USA PRO" by Sam Bolster;
Best Thread Nobody Read - "YOU CANT IGNORE THE GIRTH" by Buccs99
Admit it, you laughed - those of you that read it, anyway.
Honorable Mentions - "THIS ISNT A GAME" by JohnnyDollar; "I'm not crying... that's just titty sweat" by Chop_Lobster; "Been busy, but....LULZ to Tim Harper being demodded and gutting his team" by muck dawgs;
Worst Thread Everybody Read - "Name your Wang..." by jktooley
An entire thread devoted to naming our own dicks. Seriously, how bored were we? Some of us hoped and prayed as we clicked this thread that jktooley was in fact inviting us to give nicknames to a few Hurricane Warriors, but deep down we really knew what we were getting into. Morbid curiosity prevailed, and so a long, brain cell killing thread was allowed to develop.
Honorable Mentions - "USA vs. SEAPL?" by bhall43; "Been busy, but....LULZ to Monmouth not winning anything again!"
Last edited Apr 26, 2009 07:33:01
Great job with the rankings as always as well as the awards. Very entertaining read.
